Stupid Fanfiction (Be careful what you wish for)
by TheVfilms
Summary: So after 3 days of reading The Hobbit Fanfiction, and crying for a lifetime experience! Our hero s x-mas wish is finally granted only not the way she wanted...seriously! she is sent with no abilities, and no survival skills to a land infest of orcs, goblins and dragons! Watch as her lifetime dream becomes into a lifetime nightmare. (Chapter 0 has been deleted)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Stupid Fanfiction**

So it was 2:30 am Dec 27, and as I have been doing recently, I was reading stupid fanfiction of the Hobbit, because of course that's how a 18 year old, young adult, and well looking female is supposed to spend holidays! I mean seriously what the hell is wrong with me!? People outside NORMAL PEOPLE spend their X-mas with either friends or family, laughing, eating, telling stories EATING A TURKEY WITH POTATOES, SOCIALIZE! And sharing good moments with their love ones (along posting, liking and sharing their photos on Facebook). AND WHAT DID I DO? While my family was having I nice, comfortable and warm special carol moment, I spend half the night reading frickin Fanfiction on my iPod, half of it The Hobbit fanficton for God Sake!

While everyone made a toast at the dinner wishing for another good year, I was secretly wishing under my breath to be suck into another dimension, hopefully one with elves, dragons and swords and no need to go to school unless wizardly stuff was going to be teached. And don´t even get me started with the present time. While the kids where receiving their gifts I was secretly imagining a scenario that by the time my turn was, I would get a magic necklace that was kept as secret by my family for years, and it was the key to a world where I was the right heir to the throne and I were the reincarnation of a princess and that it was time now for me to return to my world. BUT DID ANY OF THAT SHIT HAPPEN? NO I GOT FUCKIN CHANNEL N°5 (not that I complain it was actually on my list).

Now don´t get me wrong, I am not the classic sad moping teenager who got a really tragic past and that's why she has a need to refuge on fantasy, in order to avoid her harsh reality, no hell no, in fact is by the other contrary I got everything a girl would ask for! A good medium class life, a good well educated school, fun and good friends and a loving hilarious family, seriously they never get me bored, well most of the time, well sometimes… well except that time were my granny showed up and … AGHH I AM GETTING OFF THE TOPIC. Okay in summary I got everything I need and to be happy, except of course A LIFE CHANGING, LIFE ECXITING, and LIFE THRILLING ADVENTURE! Oh my god you see with what I´m dealing! I am dealing with a motherfucker unsatisfying void!

And please again don´t get me wrong I am not a moping person although I MIGHT LOOK LIKE ONE RIGHT NOW but seriously! I was happy I was like Bilbo! I had a nice and awesome life and then GANDALF or in my case PETER JACKSON´S movie had to come in and revive my inner child who would love nothing more but to go to a lifetime adventure. And Gee unlucky me has an inner child with really high adventure expectations about riding dragons and having superpowers and lucky me doesn´t live on a world that can satisfy her childish childhood dreams. And now look at me reduced into reading fanfiction in order to fill a void that will never be truly filled , telling her problems on loud voice to a mirror as if it would magically tell me something awesome was about to happen. (I forgot to mention I had to pee, don´t worry I am over I am just talking to the mirror as if an invisible audience was watching my whining episode, but don´t worry I am officially over.)

Or so I thought

Sighing, I made my way to my room it was now 3:13 and luckily for me everyone was asleep. I took another deep breath realizing my x-mas wish was never going to come true and that anything awesome was going to happen other than me reading a couple of more unfinished fanfictions before sleeping and hoping for a Kili erotic dream. Yeah maybe this wasn´t bad at all, maybe on a few more days I would go over my pathetic and small depression episode and I would come back to live my nice life as happy as I was, you know my really interesting life with teenage normal adventures, going to movies, to parks, to parties, trying to get on collage and trying to get a boyfriend and you know… a peaceful life without the… epic sword fights… and the horse ridings, the battle victory parties… or the handsome men or the super powers or or….the exciting part.. And the

And then… my chair broke.

And with that I lost it!

"GOD I AM SUCH A LOOSER, I AM NEVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING INTERESTING ON MY LIFE, I AM GOING TO HAVE THE MOST AVERAGE LIFE WITH THE MOST AVERAGE JOB AND THE MOST AVERAGE HUSBAND!"

I don´t know if it was the excessive energy I was going through (due to the three packages of smarties and 6 six bags of chocolate I were eating for the last 3 days), the pain of the fall or just the plain emotion of the moment, but I was crying. And God it was so annoying. Like seriously, I was rolled up on a fetal position, tearing my eyes out and giving bratty kicks to all of the pillows. It was by all definitions pathetic.

"Dear Valentino, why can´t I have an interesting life?-I asked my red sweater teddy- Why can´t I have sword skills and superpowers? Why can´t I go with the company and HELP THORIN RECLAME BACK HIS LAND! WHY? WHY?"

I began to cry once more, as I hugged Valentino. Really, that old buddy has seen me cry and sleep with me since they gave it to me on my 7th birthday.

"I HATE MY LIFE!"

"God with those screams I would hate your life too"

And then that's when I saw her, there sitting on my desk was sitting. She had long blonde hair that could reach her ankles, porcelain skin and icy blue eyes, she was wearing a pretty white dress, a woman so beautiful she remind me of Lady Galadriel, Of course if Lady Galadriel wore a x-mas hat, black leather jacket, chains on her waist and had several tattoos on her arms and neck.

"What? Who are you?- I asked looking to her in my obviously snot and tear stain face."

"The X-mas-wishing spirit"

My eyes widen and my smile spread from ear to ear from the realizations, could this be possible could the universe finally heard my pleadings?

"Oh my god, it's this possible are you here because you heard my wish?"

"No I am here because I had enough with your foolish wishes!"

Well that broke my heart.

"Honestly girl, I have always receive useless wishes, like seriously I am the X-mas spirit!-The women said on a mocking and yet annoyed voice- I heard the "I want more money wish", "I want a girlfriend wish", "I want to be popular wish" and even the "I want my life to be interesting and thrilling wish shit"

Well it was good to know that the X-mas Spirit was a jerk.

"But never in my life has come a time where even after X-mas was over and they realize they were never going to get their wishes, they would still wish for the same wish, every single day and hour with no STOP, not until Now!"

Her thin finger was pointing at me and by that point she was standing up, (really tall) and looking furiously at me.

"I am sorry… spirit... I don't know where I got it… I … I promise I will stop wishing..

"No, No! You are the whole reason I came here, you and your stupid wish!"

I was looking to the floor sadly not daring to see the probable product of my imagination, produced by my subconscious in a sad attempt to get me overcome my little depression episode.

"Hey hey! Looser, I´m speaking to you!"

"Um… sorry what were you saying"- I had all my hopes lost

"I said I am going to motherfucking grant your wish!"

If it wasn´t because I had pee earlier I would have pee in that moment.

"Really you are going to do that"

"Thaaaats right, and I am not only going to grant your stupid wish , I am going to make sure you never ASK FOR ANOTHER ONE AGAIN!

"So what are you going to give me for my journey, powers? Sword abilities? Emm wizard abilities?"

"Hold on, Hold on, abilities? I am no Motherfucking Santa Claus; I am just going to take you to The Hobbit´s stupid World!"

"WHAAAAAAT? But without any sort of sword skills or fighting skills how am I supposed to survive?!"

"Ahh you should have thought about that before you made me come here!" – She then snapped her fingers and I was suddenly strapped to the bed-

And with that said she began to chant a strange song while everything in the room began to fly and being thrown everywhere, everything even my beloved laptop!

"No please!"-I tried- "I changed of opinion I love my life I want to stay! Fuck I want to live!"

"Too late bitch"

She smirked at me, and snapped her fingers once more and with that the bed began to suck me in, literally, the bed was sucking me inside of it!

I was officially scared…

She walked towards me, a sick devilish smile on her face, and clutched both of my cheeks with one hand,

"Now you better hold up and better enjoy the journey"

"Noo, please!"- I shake my head as the mattress sucked me more.

"Cause you are never coming back!"- And with that said I was pulled into a dark abysm.

I don´t remember a lot about what happen next , only stranger bizarre images of hairy feet, manly beards and Gollum eyes all the way down the hole, her smile as I fell, my screams and I think I saw Mr. Valentino falling with me.

Oh god in what kind of messed up thing had I got myself into…

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooo

**A/N: So this is it, my introduction for my new hobbit fanfinction. Lol, It took me 2 hours to write this, well tell me what you think about it! And by the way merry X-mas!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Bear´s Rain**

And then I woke up. Well, not exactly because my eyes were still shut, but I knew I was awake because I could hear the birds singing, and of course the sun rising on my face.

_Stupid sun…go back to sleep._

My eyes twitched, at the solar contact, but instead of opening them, I switched side.

"Ughhhh"- was the only word-like sound my mouth could emit.

_Where am I again?_

"Ughhhh"

_Did I die? _

"Ugghhhh"

_Maybe I should try sitting down_

"Uggggh"

_Yeah that will work._

"AAAAAhhh!"

Bad idea! Really bad idea! I mean what the fuck? My whole body feels like as if a truck had run over it, and not just any truck, I´m talking about a fucking monster truck!

"Aghhhhhh my body! My beautiful, beautiful body!"-I wailed no one in particular, this time a bit more loud than my last groans.

I tried a couple of more stretching movements, all performed while I was still lying and closed eye, of course.

I stretched a foot.

_Oh that felt good._

I stretched my arms.

_Yeah we are half way!_

I stretched my shoulders.

_Woho, I needed that._

And then I realize something was licking my barefoot…

"The hell…"

I instantly wake up and land myself on a sitting position, with a yawn and another arms stretch, I slowly began to open my eyes, only to find A BEAR ON MY FACE!

"HOLY BEANS!"- I screamed. And let me tell you, I wasn´t the only one crying BLOODY MURDER since the beast was roaring at me pretty loud too.

And of course, that did not help at all my panicking figure, who had by that time already run and scream for dear life.

Since the adrenaline and panic was blocking my logic system (yeap that's how I call it) I hide behind the first thing I found, which was a tree, A FUCKING Tree.

I must have screamed really loud, cause the bear had run a couple of meters and hide behind a tree too. I peeked to see if he was still there and oh boy, he wasn´t! I took a deep breath and turned my back only to find the bear…

_Of course…_

The bear stared at me, not making a move.

_Good maybe if I don´t move he might think I´m dead…_

As I made no move, the bear stared at me.

_Yei! Its working, wait, Oh my God why is he coming, no no don´t move, don´t move shit his getting closer, okay girl you got this don´t don´t move.._

The bear was just a few centimeters of my face.

_Don´t move_

And then it sniffed my face.

"Fuck this!"-I screamed and began to run once more. Not caring I was for some reason barefoot and my poor feet where being pinched by every single rock, stone and spine on the prairie.

The bear was not left behind as he continue running after me, and it wasn´t long before I did something stupid, like tripping with a branch.

No for real I TRIPPED WITH A BRANCH. And of course I landed on my face which still hurts from time to time. And of course the bear took advantage of the opportunity and it reached me, having me below it.

_Yeah wait to go._

I was scared to dead, I was like literally praying to dear god for mercy or that the bear would think I was dead, or that somehow I don´t know fricking Pocahontas would pop and sing this bear away from me.

But no the Bear roared to my face.

_God what am I going to do, this can be the end? Can´t it be the end? No I´m so young I can´t die, not today! Think, think what would one of those T.V survivors do, Oh I think I saw an episode of what to do in case of a bear attack! Yes! wait , why can´t I remember anything of that episode? Oh that´s right I was reading KILI FANFICTION!_

I struggled to make it out it´s hold, but he moved his head to every way at tried to moved, earning another roar from it.

_Okay, don´t worry I heard some time that if you are ever attack by a bear you should punch him in the nose! Wait! That was for the sharks… Oh well not like I have any better idea._

And with a swing, I punched the beast´s nose. He growled in pain and stood up, and I took the chance and began to run until…

"Ouch! Was that really necessary?"

I turned my head.

"Who said that?!"

"Look around, is there really anybody beside me?"

I stood dumbfound, really I didn´t get who was talking at me there was no one in the prairie no one aside from the bear and Ohh…

"You are the one talking?!"-I said pointing my finger at him, my eyes wide open

"Gee.. Such a smart little "- He said and walked towards

"And speak sarcasm too? "-I said my eye twitching in disbelief. "Oh my god this is so not happening do you even have a name?

"Yes I do"-The bear stood up, making me a bit uncomfortable.

"And its…"- I said waiting for his answer

"Is these familiar to you?"- He asked and tossed me a red fabric.

I look at it.

"Yes of course! It's my teddy´s sweater… the one they gave me on…."

And it hit me, I looked to the bear in front me, completely shocked, he was chocolate brown just like my beloved Valentino and it had hazel eyes, just like my beloved Valentino and he talked, therefore I realized the bear in front of me was..

"Valentino!"- I screamed spreading my arms ready to give my not so stuffed bear a bear hug.

"Kiddo!"- He screamed and stood up on his back legs, spreading his arms, ready to give me the bear hug we always wanted to share together.

And boy he did…

As soon as we crashed we gave each other our long lost hug that only my wild fantasy´s I could have imagine. And well let´s say that his new body of 450 kg along with his new Grizzly bear strength did not helped my sore body, so after 10 seconds of hugging I started to felt his power.

"Oh kiddo I never thought, I would live enough to see this moment"

"Valentino.."- I tried, but my voice was completely muffled by his furry body.

"Can you believe it I´m alive! I mean completely alive!"

"Valentino I…. Can´t …"

"I had always dreamt of this day! Ever since I saw the bears running on that T.V show, but I never thought the day would actually come! Can you believe it kiddo ? Can you ? Can you?

My helpless S.O.S signs was ignored by my overexcited friend, it wasn´t when he began to lift me up and down that I had recovered my voice.

"Look Kid now I am the one lifting you up!"

"Valentino you are murdering my inner organs!"- I said as he lifted me up.

"Oh my bad kid"- Valentino apologized and quickly put me down. –"I am just too happy"

Valentino just stood in two legs and quickly apologized, using his new hands, to dramatize the apology, while I recover my breath.

"No problem, but please be a little more careful with your new super strength , your friend here is suffering from Run over by a monster truck syndrome…- I took a few more deep breaths- " What the hell? Why it hurts so badly?"

"Well, we fell from a bed-hole, remember?"

"Well of course I do. I saw the most bizarre things in my…"

And then I realized. And oh boy my face couldn´t have looked stupider.

"Oh my god Oh my god, so last night.. the wish…the spirit…It actually happened?"- I took Valentino by the shoulders.-"Valentino, it happened? It really happened? We are ACTUALLY ON ARDA?"

"Well I don´t know, you tell me, take a look around. Are we really on Arda?"

I took my hands off the bear´s shoulders and took a step aside of him. What I saw just blew up my mind.

There in front of my eyes, was the unique, the only one, the perfect, ever-green Hobbiton. I was really there! I was on the Shire! I couldn´t believe it Hobbiton was a less than a mile away from me. I could see the little holes from here, and the sun rising only made it more beautiful. My smile had spread from ear to ear.

"Oh my god we did it!"- I was so happy-"Valentino we made it! WE ACTUALLY MADE IT!

Remember when I said my face couldn´t looked stupider earlier? Well I was wrong, just try to imagine my idiotic grinned I was performing in that moment, along with the seizure hand movement I was doing as I run through the prairie and screamed…

"YAHOOOOOO!"

Seriously I was jumping, rolling and running across all the prairie, and boy I swear my face was a total mixed between the Cheshire cat, a person on LSD and a rapist.

I looked ridiculously retarded, but no fuck was given that day because I was ridiculously happy.

I felt like a kid again, I was laughing, and running, all soreness in my body was instantly killed by inner child feeling life once again.

I could have cry in that moment, but nobody got time for that, so instead I went in a middle of flower bed and began to make … The Carlton Dance…

Seriously I was there in the middle of the prairie swinging my arms from side to side with a grin on my face, mentally playing "It's not unusual" while performing The Carlton Dance.

I was so glad we were still a couple of measures away from Hobbiton.

After I did my celebration dance I collapsed on the ground, Valentino joined me a few seconds after.

"Valentino, we made it we are on Arda"- I said sighing, the smile still on my face while I felt the grass below my hands. The place was even more enchanting on person.

"Yeap we are on Arda"

"Yes we are…"- I closed my eyes

"We are finally on the land of wizards, elves, dwarfs, hobbits"

"Yeap"

"And also the land of Orcs, Goblins, trolls, oh and Dragons"

I instantly opened my eyes.

"Oh my god we made it!"

"Yes I know, you said a couple of time before.."

"No I mean we made it! WE ACTUALLY FRICKIN MADE IT! I AM HERE ON ARDA, THE LAND OF ORCS. GOBLINS AND DRAGONS! THE LAND OF ADVENTURES, THE KIND OF ADVENTURES THAT KILL PEOPLE WITH NO ABILITIES OR POWERS, YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE LIKE ME!"

I was panicking really bad, I mean wouldn´t you? I was on a land where people would kill me anytime they want to.

"Oh god why did I even made that wish, no hell no, I want to go back"- I said getting more and more hysterical.

"Kid calm down, it's not as bad"- Valentino tried but it only made me even more hysterical.

Remember never tell a hysterical woman to calm down.

"No YOU DON´T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! How do you expect me to calm down! I AM LOST ON A LAND FULL OF CREATURES THAT WOULD KILL ME IN ANY SECOND"-

I had once more completely lost it to the point I was beginning to cry again…

"I don´t want to be here, I want to go back, this is not what I wished for, I wished to be on THORIN´S COMPANY with actual abilities, to have an adventure!

"Kid…"

GOD I WISHED FOR KILI!"

"Kid…"

" I want to go back I WISH TO GO BACK ARE YOU HEARING ME SPIRIT? I WANT To go back! I WANT TO GO BACK.

Valentino grew tire of my number so he slapped me with its paw, and let me tell you that again thanks to its new develop strength, what was supposed to be a calming slap end up being a bitch slap.

"Ouch.."- I said, completely dumbfound by the unexpected action.

" I´m sorry kid, I didn´t mean to make it too hard, but you were hysterical"

"Its okey… "- I said rubbing my numbed cheek.

He then held me by the shoulders.

"Now listen to me Kid, you have for years dreamed about this haven´t you?"

"I guess.. But"

"Wasn´t you, the one who prayed every night for an adventure?!"

"Well I guess…"

"Wasn´t you?"- Valentino asked a bit louder, shaking me a bit more violently.

"YES IT WAS ME"

"And hasn´t your wish came true?"

"Well I guess but… I got no abilities and no superpowers"

"And is that going to stop you from accomplishing your dream?"

"Well it's quite an obstacle"

"It's an opportunity, an opportunity for you to enrich your journey!"

I sigh looking at him, by that time he had already put me on the ground.

"You know what I heard the Spirit said before falling to the hole?"

"What?"

"That you would never make it and that you would cry for her to send you back"

_Well that hurts prides_

"Are you going to let her be right?"

"No!

_Hell no!_

"Are you going to be a looser and let her take you back to our boring world, without even trying?

"Hell NO!"

"I can't here you!"

"No!

"LOUDER!

"NO!

"LOUDEEEEER!

I took the deepest breath I could.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"That´s the attitude, you have always said that you deserved adventure on your life, well now it's the right time to prove it!

I felt quite inspire, I stood up from the floor and stretched my arms.

"You know Valentino you are right, I am not going to let my lack of sword/fighting abilities stops me from having an adventure. Hell, I am going to have my motherfucking awesome adventure without them!

"Yeah! You say it"

"I am going to find Gandalf, he is a cool guy he will understand and let me in, in no time! Yeah I am going to join Thorin´s Company and help him reclaim his land!"

"YEAH!"

"I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHERFUCKING HERO!"

"YEAH! And I am going to help you all the way until the end"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

And with that Valentino and I made a bro pact and shacked our hands/paws.

"Beside I can´t have it that bad, I mean I got the ability to speak to animals, that got to be count"- I said confidently

"Well actually I am the one who speaks to you"

"What?"

"I for some reason got the ability to allow you to understand me; outside you whoever hears me will only hear growls"

"Wait, So you are telling me , that YOU Valentino the frickin stuffed animal gets both the wish to come alive and the superpowers but I don´t get any sword ability?!

"Basically, yeah"

I was completely undignified

"What the fuck! I mean I … you …. Me … but but…"

While I was mumbling, Valentino came and gave me a hug.

"there, there kiddo"

I sigh

"You know what never mind, I am here, you got your wish, and I got you. And it's not that bad"

_And I mean it's not that bad, Bilbo doesn´t got the abilities too so I am not going to be alone…Oh god Bilbo! _

"Oh God, Valentino, we forgot Bilbo, you know our ticket to the company"

"Oh no, you are right, quickly where is him right now?"

A rush of stress came to my body, as I thought of all the possible scenarios where I did not find Bilbo, and I began to scratch my neck in thought.

"Well I don´t know it depends on the day, he could be at home now just before Gandalf comes or he could, be sleeping on his house just a few hours before he joins the company.. Or even worse it could have been days since he left!"

I shudder at the possibility of him gone and having to look for him.

"Well what are we waiting for lets go"- Valentino said .

And with that we head to Hobbiton.

It took us a few minutes to get there, but it took us few more to find his hole, it was a good thing that it was still early and that the hobbits were still either asleep or eating their breakfast, because a 450 kg bear walking around on their little village wasn´t exactly a good way to say good morning and kept a low profile.

We found his hole and discretely went to peek on his window, as far as I could see the house was clean and it look classier in person, but Bilbo was not to be seen. I panicked.

I tried another window and to my relief the hobbit was there still peacefully and deeply asleep. And not so far from him the contract was laying on his desk.

I sigh in relief.

"So is he here?"- Valentino said joining me.

"Yeah he is still asleep the dwarfs had already left"-I made a sigh.

Honestly I was kind of disappoint, I had the hope of joining before the dwarf´s came , so I could be on the dinner with them, because honestly it was one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Valentino seemed to notice my face.

"Hey kid what´s wrong?"

"Oh nothing really, it's just that I was looking forward to be with the dwarfs on dinner"

"Well you´ll have a lot time to be with them during the whole journey, after we join them"

"Yeah you are right"- I said forgetting about the subject.

"By the way, have you already planned what are you going to say to them? Cause I don´t think they will believe the Wishing part"

"Nope I am still working on that"

"Oh great"-Valentino rolled his eyes

"Hey don´t be like that okay, I´m thinking, and besides we still got a couple of time before he wakes up, trust me by the time he wakes up I will already have my background story made, after all you are with the Master of Improvisation"- I said pulling my shirt, and crossing my arms afterwards.

_More like the Procrastination Master_

"Oh right kid, you win I´ll trust you.-Valentino said giving up on the subject-"So tell me Oh so Smart Master of Improvisation, what are we going to do meanwhile?"

"Am I sensing sarcasm?"

"Maybe, what's the plan?"

"Well…-I began and start to notice how awkward my clothes looked-"Well I still need clothes… and food"- I said, the last part after hearing Valentino´s stomach and mine growl.

"I like that plan, any ideas?"

"I think I got one" I said after seeing the clothes hanging near some holes, all waiting to be dried, I smirk at the idea.

And there I was hiding behind the house, ready to borrow some clothes; Valentino had gone to look for food. The owner of the house and cloth had already took a few, so that means that the rest of the Hobbits weren´t far from starting their daily chores, which mean that I got to hurry.

I took a look to the clothes, some of them were still wet, but the dry ones seem a bit too em large? OKEY HUGE, whoever lives there must be an Extra size.

I sigh and put back the large piece of cloth, and set my way to the next hole.

Now this one I got to admit that got a classier taste for cloth than the other, three nice simple dresses where hanging on the string, two of them white fabric and floral borders on the chest and waist area, while the other was green a bit more informal, being strapless and corset base. I wanted to take them so badly but I couldn´t go running around with those. I made some arm wrestling with myself before sighing and turning around.

Valentino was still not there with the food, and I was beginning to worry, several hobbits where beginning to come outside, and I was still without my cloth.

I went to the next hole, and SHIT I almost get caught by an old hobbit. I quickly turned around before he noticed me.

I sigh I was running out of places, why couldn´t Middle Earth just invent the female jeans and t-shirts, just like I don´t Know the jeans and blue stripe t-shirt I was wearing right now?!

I took a look around, and saw a woman taking in some clothes. I smiled. It was my chance.

I approached silently to the house, being careful not to be notice by her or the hobbits; I step beside her house, pushing myself to the wall. While I waited I couldn´t help notice "Lobelia Baggins" on the mailbox.

_Why does it sound familiar?_

To my luck she was taking a pair of pants that looked my size. I waited a few more minutes and then she went inside.

I quickly ran to her backyard and took a look to the clothes.

_No too big, too fancy, too small, what the hell is this?_

Finally I found a pair of dark brown pants that look my size; I grabbed them along with a navy shirt that was fairly small. I smiled the mission was accomplished but I still needed something for the cold, after all I was going to cross snowy mountains in a couple of days. I looked everywhere and then I saw it, a grey cloak that seemed warm enough. I grinned and approached the cloth.

I was close, just a couple of centimeters and then… the woman was back, I quickly hide myself behind a wet sheet.

She seemed angry, but she didn´t seemed to have notice me, she began to take some more dry cloth and passed dangerously close to the sheet, I thought she had noticed the absence of her cloth because she was narrowing her eyes suspiciously, but no she was just seeing if the clothes beside the cloak where dry. And Oh boy they were so she took both the clothes on the string and my cloak.

_Crap!_

There was no other cloak or coat left so I had to take a decision, either risk myself and enter the house or resist weeks on the cold temperature. FUCK NO I was not going to freeze myself, I had already enough with the absence of my shoes and having to steal from a place where everybody walked barefoot. Oh no that cloak was going to be mine.

I enter the hole right after she had come back and went to check her mail, I silently entered without her noticing, the house was pretty big, not as much as Bilbo´s but close enough, I went through the halls to look for the clothes, and for some odd reason I found them laying on a chair at the kitchen, well I was not going to complain about the easiness so I quickly grabbed my cloak, oh it was soft and furry I already like it and god bless my luck the window was opened.

_Perhaps I can escape from here, _

I couldn´t help noticed that there was a delicious looking cake on the table.

_Perhaps a snack before leaving…No no don´t be such an idiot, Valentino is going to bring the food…but what if it isn't a strawberry cake? No time for that, Bilbo will wake up at any minute…But it has two strawberries!.. No Yes NO YESS. Fuck it you only live once!_

And with that I grabbed the cake and took a sip of the tea beside it,

Everything was going incredibly good.

But when I was about to jump outside, someone grabbed me and pulled me back inside.

"What we have here? A burglar?!"

_Well isn´t that ironic?_

I had landed on my butt, so when I look up, I saw the same hobbit woman I saw earlier. She scanned me from head to toe. And I haven´t to think about it twice, I knew this woman was bitch.

_Shit_

"Who are you?"

I only stared at her. Not pleased with my answer, she grabbed me from the cloak that I was conveniently wearing, so she didn´t notice my modern clothes.

"It's that my cloak. Give me back my cloak!"Help help! A burglar Help!"- The woman began to scream on a really irritating voice.

"Shhhh"-I said and put my hands on her mouth.-"No need for screaming"

It only resulted on her biting me.

"Ouch! You know, that was completely unnecessary!

"Take of your dirty hands from me!"-She almost spitted on my face, and with one move she pulled me back again from the window, I once more tried to reach.

_Ouch! Where do these hobbits get her strength? _

"You aren´t going anywhere, you hear me little dirty burglar?"

"Bilbo, where are you going?"-I heard a voice asked from the distance.

_Oh crap I´m late, where the hell is Valentino?_

"Are you listening to me? Who are you!"- The witch shouted at my face

"Well I am I am I am I am… em"

"Yes you are? You are?

"I am I am.."

"Speak Now!"- She said shaking me by both shoulders.

And that's when I heard a bear growl along with s couple of scared hobbits screams.

"Help bear!"

"Bear?"-the hobbit asked confuse slightly lightening her hold on me.

"My signal!"- I said, and quickly grabbed the things and jumped off the window.

And with that I ran again for dear life, as I heard her screaming to come back, soon I was joined by Valentino who was carrying a basket on his mouth I took it and heard another couple of hobbits´ scared screams thanks to the grizzly bear.

Valentino and I continued running as some angry hobbits dared to chase us.

"I thought I told you to be discreet!"

"I was but the basket on the table looked so good!"

_Well not that I could blame him the cake was too _

"Oh really? What does it have?!"-I asked defiant.

"Salmon"

_He won._

"Comprehensible"-

"Come back burglar!"- I heard Lobelia screamed behind.

"Who is she?"

"My new friend"- I sarcastically said and then turned around to see a couple of equally happy looking hobbits running along her. "Who are they?"

"My new friends hurry we´re almost there"- Valentino said as we saw Hobbiton´s limits closer and closer.

I ran, the adrenaline running on every vein in my body, this was the most exciting thing yet, nothing to do with running to get on time for school, I grinned this was absolutely fun. (Even though my feet were still stepping on every stick and rock on the road)

"Here I will give you a lift"-Valentino said motioning towards his torso as we stopped for a moment so that I could ride him.

I got on his back, somehow managing to hold the clothes and food and his neck at the same time.

After a few more measures, we made it. The hobbits were far behind and had stopped chasing us.

We stopped a moments we were out of breath.

"That was…fun"- I said grinning at my furry friend and breath heavely as I recover my breath.

"It sure was kid"-Valentino said still having trouble to recover his breath.

"Even though my poor feet are bleeding"-I said pointing at my pore mistreated feet, I wasn´t actually bleeding but hell I should, I think I stepped on every spine and rock on all Hobbiton. I wish I haven´t lost my shoes!"

"You mean these?"- Valentino said as he brought a pair of foots from a bush.

"Hey where were this?!"- I said a bit angry. What the hell I could have save my feet from such torture.

"I don´t know I smelled something similar to your feet and TADA!"

"You know if I didn´t knew you I would thought you hide them"-I said narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"I would never do that kid"

"Well I guess you are right, you are too soft after all"-I said as I finish putting on my boots. I went and hugged him. " You little stuffed bear"

"I will take that as compliment."-The bear said. "So what are we going to do now? We lost our Hobbit"

"Well we will have to track him, he mustn´t got far"-I said. "Do you still have the hobbit scent?

"Yes, those feet are something a nose can´t forget, I think I can track him."

"Good! Well dear Valentino, our adventure is officially on.- I said getting above Valentino.

"You said it, So boss what are we going to do now?"

I looked into the horizon.

"Search for paradise!"

"What?"

"Oh mean hehe you know like in the series with the wol..You know what forget it"

"Al right… so again, what are we going to do now?"

I looked into the horizon once more.

"Search for Bilbo!"

**A/N and there it goes my second chapter, I know many probably thought I was she was going to find them quickly, but the truth was that I didn´t knew in which part of the story joined her, but don´t worry next chapter she will find the company. And I will work on my Grammar/Spelling**

**By the way thank you all for your reviews, seriously you are awesome; I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Please tell me what you think. See ya! And Happy New Year!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Kili in the Sky with Diamonds**

Remember how I told you, Valentino and I were going to search for Bilbo? Well it turned out pretty good; it only took us an hour and a half to find him. I told Gandalf my story, he understood and introduced me to the company, Thorin was a bit hesitant in letting me in, but after I told him my life story, he was truly touched, he even stood cool with the fact that I lack of abilities to fight. And so I didn't got myself hurt he assigned Kili and Fili to teach me how to fight and meanwhile protect me. I earned the trust and care of all the dwarfs and was in process of learning sword fighting because of course I am a fast learner. Oh and I forgot to mention, just yesterday after I saved them from the trolls Kili confessed his feelings towards me.

Yeah It has been a great week

Well of course none of that shit happen you assholes! No, in fact it has been quite the opposite:

So it has been two days since we left the Shire, I was now running for my dear life while three trolls are trying to eat me, Valentino is nowhere to be seem, it's raining, I am hungry, I have been eating nothing but berries, even some that are poisonous paralyzers, and I am partially paralyze thanks to said berries, did I mention I was having the worst day of my life?

But wait, I am getting ahead of myself. Now let´s go to the time where everything began, a time before I ended up on this mess, a time I like to call...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**: Thirty-one minutes after we left the Shire :**

"Valentino I think we got lost…"-I said as we crossed for the third time the same oak tree.

"Nonsense! We are close I can feel it"-Valentino says and sniffs a way, "Oh I got it!"

He went through the right, and I reluctantly follow him.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**: Twenty-Nine minutes later :**

We were going nowhere, we haven´t even seen the same crook oak tree again. We were now crossing a town that I swear was not in the movie (but then again I didn´t have an idea where we were). I was getting tire. And I was now suggesting for the third time, for Valentino to stopped and ask for directions, but his new developed men ego was denying we were both lost and in need for directions. Seriously if you ever thought men´s ego was a pain try a FRICKING ALPHA MALE EGO ON AN ANIMAL!

"You know Valentino if we are lost, you don´t need to feel bad about it"- I tried

"For the last time kiddo we aren´t lost"

He was now debating in which of the two paths go. He didn´t seem sure.

"Valentino"-I said on a sweet voice. –"It's your first time being a bear, its okay if we get lost the first time."

"Kid we aren´t lost"-Valentino said still debating which way was the right to follow or as I see it, which way seem to be less dangerous and probable to kill us.

"You know the town is still in less than a mile away, we can still ask for directions"- I said casually leaning on a tree and smiling at him.

"Why would we need to ask for directions if we aren´t lost"- Valentino half scoffed.

_Stupid Men´s Ego _

"Besides I already found the way, come on follow me!"

He decided to go for the right path.

"I can smell the Hobbit from here"- He said sure of him, excited by the fact that his Male pride was safe.

I followed only to find a sign on a strange language that pretty much said The Shire only 900 "whatever that symbol mean" away…

I looked at him. He looked embarrassed.

"You have no idea where are we right?"

"Of course I do woman! If you had stopped insisting on going for directions I could have paid better attention and notice the scent actually came from the other way."

I gave him my "Are fucking kidding me" look.

_Stupid Male Alpha-Ego_

"C´mon, before its gone, and please next time let the pro with instincts work"

"I will Valentino… I will, please forgive my indiscretion"-I sarcastically said and rolled my eyes in the process.

"You see it wasn´t that hard was it?" –He said smiling and patting my shoulder.

I crossed my arms and sigh, but again not like I had any better ideas aside from you know GO AND ASK FOR FRINKING DIRECTIONS!

"Kid are you coming?"

"Yes I am"-I said as I follow him

_I thought I were the boss in here_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**Another 2 Hours Later…**

So after what it felt like 50 kilometers, we had cross AGAIN by same FUCKING oak tree, TOWN AND PATHS! Of course that merited a good complain diagonal scolding diagonal Bitching. And of course my friend did not like that, so after almost 15 minutes, we were now arguing and bickering about the situation.

"Okay kid, no offence but, who is the one who got the powers in here?"-Valentino said crossing his arms.

"The same that got us lost since we left Hobbiton, made me walked about 400 kilometers and yet we have still crossed by the same TREE, TOWN AND PATHS!"

After some more of arguing we ended up like this, and god we couldn´t be any more childish:

"Yes!" – I said

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YEEEEEEEEES!"

"NOOOOOOOOO"

No, seriously what the fuck is this?

"NOOOOOOO"

"LALALALALAL I CAN´T HEAR YOU!

"LALALALALLALA CAN´T HEAR CAN´T HEAR LEGO IS ON THE BEACH"

"LALALALLALALBLBLAPBLAPBPA!"

"BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLLBL!"

Were we trying to make a Skrillex impression? I don´t get it.

**/Not So far from there/On an Obnoxious Omniscient Narrator POV that couldn´t resisted entering this story /**

"Do you hear that Gandalf?"

"Yes I do Bilbo"- Gandalf said as he stops smoking his pipe.

"What do you think it is?"-Bilbo asks perplexed by the strange noises

By that time the Company had stopped to analyze the sounds.

"Probably some animals mating"-Thorin says. "Let´s move on we still have a lot of traveling to do"

The whole company shrugs and continues, except for Gandalf who was not sure of the theory

**/Back to the OC POV/**

It took another 30 minutes of arguing to make Valentino realize his failure.

"Okay fine! We are lost you want it to hear it? Now you have! So now tell me Oh so powerful master of improvisation, since you are so mighty and you have read the books , you have watched the movie, therefore you have faaaar more knowledge about the subject than I, So now tell me where are we and how far is the company from here?! Huh?

I stood dead silent; well he had pawned me for sure.

"So, where are we?"- He asked me again, a bit more impatiently than before.

"I…don´t… know.., the movie didn´t showed a lot of places to make a map about the whole Middle Earth anyway- I said trying to recover from the battle.

"Alright, what a about the book then, I am sure they have a better detailed version of the story

_Shit_

"What? What´s with all the silence?"

"I…kind …of haven´t….read the books…"

"Oh great!"-Valentino says and rolls his eyes"

"Hey! Don´t be unfair with me it´s not that I don´t want to it´s more of a ain´t body got time for that deal, you know a Senior, on homework, projects and SHIT?!"

_Sleeping, procrastinating, internet…_

"You know I am not even surprise, you couldn´t finish a simple book!"

"Well excuseeee me Bear, people here actually have to work there asses to survive for shitty daily life!"

"And yet you got time to read FANFICTION?"

I stood with my mouth open…. I was completely undignified.

"You know I like you better when you did not talk! At least there you weren´t an asshole!

"You are the asshole"

"You are the one who got us lost in the first place, we could have asked for directions BUT NO your Fucking Bear-I AM SO COOL AND SMARTASS MALE ALPHA Complex did not allowed you!"

We were both now really pissed and offended, so we continue insulting and bickering until…

"Well fine, if you are so smart, why don´t you join the company by yourself, while I JOIN SOMEONE WHO actually APPRECIATES my abilities"

"Maybe I will"

"Maybe I will too"

"I will"

"I will too"

Valentino and I were now face to face, at the same level glaring at each other.

"Fine by me"- I said

"Good for you"-he said

And with that we took separate ways.

**/Not So far from there/On an Obnoxious Omniscient Narrator POV that couldn´t resisted entering this story /…Again**

The company was on its way, everyone had already forgotten the strange sounds in the forest, some dwarfs were chatting between them, some others just enjoying the ride, however everyone was okay until:

A 450 kg Grizzly Bear passed in front of them, walking in two legs, shaking his front paths up and down while saying or more like ranting:

"Stupid teenagers, never appreciating what one does for them, one time you are comforting them after a night of nightmares and then another they are bashing you for being smart and responsible. Agh! I just hate it, you give them the best years of your life and then next time they are using you as a pillow and being all like "Boohoo I hate my life, feel pity for me"- All performed while he imitate a teenage girl walking.

Which more likely sound to the dwarfs, hobbit and wizard like this:

"growl growl, growl growlgrowlgrowl growl growl growl growl growl, growl growl growl growlgrowlgrowl growl growlgrowl grrrr growl grrr growlgrowl grrr grrr grrrr grr grrr growl grr grr growl grr growl grrr growl . ROAR! Growl grrr grrr grrr, grrr growl grrr grrr grrrr grrr growl grrr growl grrr growl grrr growl grrr growl grrr grrr rgrrrrrr grrrrrr lgrrrrrrr "grrrrr growl grrr grr grrr growl growl grrr grrrrrr"

The brown bear did not notice the dwarfs and went off to loose himself on the woods leaving a really perplexed company behind. There expressions were priceless.

There was an awkward silence; they certainly did not expect such scene. Bomfur was the first to break it.

"Ummm should we worry about that?"

All the company turned to him, broking from their trance. Thorin shook his head, allowing himself to recover.

"No, let´s carry on"-Thorin said.

After hearing the firmness of their leader, the company decides to shrug it one more time and continue their journey. Some dwarfs began to chat between them of the subject, making up theories about what could have possibly made the bear act that way, some others like Thorin, Balin or Dwalin completely ignore it, but others like Gandalf and Bilbo certainly not.

"What on earth was that, Gandalf?"

"I certainly have no idea, Bilbo, but I´m sure we will know later"- Gandalf said deeply in thought, earning a strange look from Bilbo.

"What do you mean?"

Gandalf turned around and smiled at the curious hobbit.

"Soon we will see"

That did not help Bilbo at all, but knowing the mysterious wizard, Bilbo knew he wouldn´t get a straight answer just now. So he decided to give up on the subject, and listen instead the crazy theories the dwarfs were making. By now they were saying it was the cause of some black magic, while Gloin was more into a "bad signal" for their journey, Thorin just rolled his eyes.

**/Another half-hour later/ On the Normal POV again...**

And when I said "took separate ways", I actually meant took separate corners, no really SEPARATE CORNERS. We were literally 10 meters away from each other, turning backs to each other.

Seriously we looked exactly like two kindergarten kids, after fighting for the blue fluorescent play-doh (Actually I think that color is kind of worth of fighting, no I mean have you seen it? Is so awesome). And the worst was that we were actually pouting and crossing our arms like real children!

Actually we tried to make a dramatic number, and actually left each other for like what? 2-4 minutes? I don´t remember, but the funniest part is that we actually came back to the same place, glared at each other, and then proceed to sit down and give backs to each other, since we weren´t stupid enough to go around a land full of orcs, trolls and goblins alone.

We were now waiting for who was going to be the first one on apologizing.

I took a look back to Valentino. He was still not looking at me, I sighed and turned back. From the corner of my eye I could see he did the same. Before I could catch him, he turned around once more and sighed.

I turned around, nothing, turned back.

He turned around, nothing turned back.

I turned around, and decided to sit a bit closer, then turned back. Noticing my action Valentino decided to do the same.

I got closer.

He got closer.

I got closer,

He got closer,

We were now only a meter apart from each other.

_Wait….Wait….._

10, 9, 8, 7,

_Wait….Wait_

_4, 3_

_Wait… _

_2, 1…_

"I´m sorry!"- We both exclaimed at the same time, as we turned around and hug each other like the big ol babies we were.

"AWWW Promise we will never fight like this again!"

"I promise kid, I promise"

Oh boy we are so lame.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

So after hugging for like what? A minute, two maybe? And making our bro pact (God can someone please stop us?) We began to discuss what to do next.

"So Tino.. What are we going to do next?"

"How about we go back to the town and ask for…directions?"

"I like the sound of that we could go for food too, I´m starving"

"Yeah me too"

"Hey! But the town is still an hour from here… Are you sure you want to turn back, we could still reach the company…"

"Kid are you serious? If we haven´t reach them by now I doubt we are going to reach them any soon before night"

"Yeah you are probably right"

"So what's the plan we don´t even got money, how do you expect buying food?"

"I think I got an Idea"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

"What do you mean you have no money?"- The baker, which I was guessing was human, said in an annoyed tone at me.

I gave him a bored look.

"Yep not a bit"

"Well if you don´t have money, you don´t get bread, now please get out"- The man said and point the exit as if I weren´t smart enough to know where it was.

I just stared at him, not amuse. He just growl and turned his back.

"I can tell you your future though"

He turned around and gave me a skeptical look.

"Really?"

"Yeap, just for one of those strawberry cakes of yours"

He looked interest.

"It's a bit too expensive, for just one prediction don´t you think?"

"It´s worth, believe me"

He sighs and I smirk.

"Alright lady tell me my future"

I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes to the back of my head, hummed, all while I move my hips from side to side, and wiggle my arms, in a sort of belly dance style, but moving my head from one side to other like I was having a seizure. I didn´t have to look at the guy to know he was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

I suddenly stopped and looked at him.

"So.."

"So in a future not far away from here, Sauron will come back from the dead, he will soon detect the one ring and will try to retrieve it in order to recover his full power and dominate Middle Earth"

The guy´s expression was priceless, but he then scoffed.

"That´s nonsense, Sauron has been defeated already"-He didn´t looked happy, and to prove it he snatched the cake, I was gladly taking, away from me.-"Now give me that back, and leave!

"Gee no need to get angry, anyway have you happen to have a map or something?"

"I said leave"

"Is this the way you treat ladies?"

"No lady will dress like that"-He said pointing at my election of clothes

I scoffed and looked at the exit

_What an asshole_

"Okay I will but here is another prediction, your cake storage will be assault today, probably from being such an annoying person, so farewell" . I said as I exit the bakery.

Outside of it, I founded Valentino with a really delicious looking chocolate and strawberry cakes. I took him and brofist him.

"Well done Tino"

"Nice done boss"

It took the guy about 15 minutes to notice the absence of its cakes, but by that time we had already got a map (don´t asked me how though, really you don´t want to know) and ran out of the village along a couple of men who tried to chase us, but eventually lost them.

Valentino and I had now a map to guide us, and by "we have" I mean he has, because I don´t have any idea of how to read a map.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

I know what you are thinking. Bitch please that isn´t even bad I thought you were having your worst time on Middle Earth yet.

Wait fellows we are almost there.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

So after we got the map, and Valentino bragged for one and a half hour about how we were following the same path as the company, and how he was smelling Bilbo´s scent again, we actually found the company.

Lol, just kidding.

Actually Valentino did bragged for an hour and a half, but what actually happened was that right after that, a gang of robbers tried to assault us, luckily for me I got Valentino by my side so he scare them away, yet a guy came from behind and manage to take my bag.

The good news is that we didn´t have any money on the bag, the bad one was that our map and provisions, we so gladly and effortlessly stole, where in the bag that got stole.

Oh Gee…

So after that, we had to survive from Valentino´s instincts and nose. This took us nowhere in particular.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

So the next morning we woke up, like what noon? Late morning? So we had to be quickly. Several ants bit my arms because: Ohhh the spot we slept on was actually just beside an ant´s nest.

Valentino told me he couldn´t smell Bilbo anymore.

_Great just great_

We walked for several hours and we were completely lost, and worse than before, because we didn´t pass any crooked tree, paths or town.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

"So what are we going to eat?"- I asked Tino, my stomach just making chorus to my voice. "I´m starving"

"I don´t, know we could eat from our cake. Oh wait you let them escape" – Tino said pointing me with his path.

"Hey don´t blame me okay! I don´t have powers or strength, it's understandable, what´s your excuse? 450 kg of fat and muscle and you couldn´t snatched it away?"

"I had 3 over me!"- Valentino complain

"Oh that´s the new name for laziness?"- I teased.

Valentino just shook his head and patted my shoulder.

"Let´s keep going kid, I think I know what we can eat"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

"This? This is your idea of continental late breakfast?"- I said pointing at some stupid blue berries on the bushes.

"What? You have a better idea?"

I shook my head not able to believe that our luck got so low, that we were actually considering eating wild possibly dangerous berries.

"Do you even know if they are poisonous?"

"Of course I do! I watch it on that other documental, bears actually eat this berries!"

"You do know, some berries are poisonous right?"- I said skeptically

Valentino scoffed, but I was completely sure the bear had no idea.

"Of course I do! Now could you please trust me for once?

I stared at him not amused at all.

"Look let´s do this you try the blue ones, I try the red ones JUST IN CASE ONE OF THEM are poison, which is complete nonsense"-Valentino said mimicking my voice.

I thought about it, but in certain way his plan wasn´t that bad.

"Alright then"- I said reluctantly

"That's the attitude!"- Valentino said happily that I accepted his insane request (and probably because he would get rid of me).

He snatched the berries and gave me a good amount of them.

"Okay at the count of three, and let´s hurry, I am starving"- Tino said

I looked at my berries, and I am going to be honest I was scared, I didn´t want to die or worse find the company with a hideous rash on my face, Oh god imagine Kili´s face!

I gulped and prepared myself.

"3"

_Please don´t kill me, please don´t kill me_

"2"

_Oh please God I beg you!_

"1"

_Oh shit!_

"WAIT! WHY DO I HAVE TO EAT THE WEIRD LOOKING ONES?!"

"Now!"- Valentino shouted.

I ate one of them.

Munch, Munch, swallowed.

I opened my eyes, I wasn´t dead I made it, and actually they were good tasting.

"Hey they aren't half bad"- I grabbed a couple more. "This is actually good"

"You see, you just have to trust my instincts"

I was really getting into the berries; they taste so sweet and yet a bit sour, almost like sour skittles.

"Believe me kiddo nothing will happen other than your stomach thanking me"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

"Nothing will happen… huh?"-I said glaring at the stupid bear above me.

"I already told you I´m sorry!"

Well to your surprise the berries were actually poisonous…No they did not killed me, but paralyze my whole body…In fact I was having a bit trouble talking. The only parts that weren´t paralyze were my eyeballs and partially my mouth.

"I don´t understand, I was sure this things weren´t poisonous at all"- Valentino said as he went and checks the stupid berries

_Idiot_

"I mean in the show, the bears eat them all the time before hibernation…"

_Stupid stuff animals_

"Oh I get it now! I just remember! Bears eat these berries in order to paralyze themselves on hibernation….Oh"-He turns around to see me "I am so sorry kid"

"You have no idea how much I hate you right now"

"Don´t worry kid the effect will pass on a couple of hours"

"Hours!? No we can´t just stay here for a couple of hours! We will never get to the company at this rate!

"Well unless you want me to drag you all the way to the company.. kid , I am afraid we will have to wait"

I whined.

This was so not fair.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

So it was afternoon already, the sun was setting, and I was still paralyze, the last half couple of hours Valentino and I have been talking about random stuff and the other half was Valentino apologizing and feeling guilty about my situation.

"Kid, I will make it up to you, I promise, tomorrow morning, we will get to the company"

"It's okay Valentino…"

"No really, I am so sorry.. This all my fault"

"It is, but who cares tomorrow we will reach them"

I sigh, I was getting tire. Then my stomach grumbles.

"What is it are you hungry?"

"Don´t you dare to bring more berries"- I threatened

Valentino seeing it as both an opportunity to make it up to me and an opportunity to kill boredom he quickly stands up.

"I will look for something to eat". He says and quickly prepares to leave-"Don´t worry, I´ll come in no time."-He drags me next to a tree and sits me down.-"Just stay here and don´t move"

I gave him my "are you fucking kidding me" look.

"Don´t worry I am **not **going anywhere **soon**"

"You get my point kid"

And with that I was left by myself on the woods.

_Note to self: Never let the bear watch Animal documentaries again… and if its possible trade him for roasted chicken next time.._

The sun was almost gone and I was still with no Dwarfs, Hobbit, Wizard or Fili.

_Fuck My Life_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

It was dark now, I was freezing, I haven´t recover any mobility on any of my muscles, Valentino was nowhere to be seem, my stomach was eating my liver, and my butt was itching as hell…

_Fuck can it get any worse?_

"HAHA of course it can get worse bitch! Here taste the rain Motherfucker!"- Was what I assumed mother nature said to me as soon the rain began to poured at my face, getting by each thunder heavier and heavier.

_I am starting to consider suicide as possibility…_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

I sighed… I was completely soaked and The Bear was nowhere to be see, so in order to entertain myself I decided to practice my inexistent screamo singing abilities.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

It has been like 20 minutes since I began practicing my screamo and not to brag but I was pretty amazing. Nah it actually sounded pretty shitty and somewhat scary, but that didn´t put me down.

"AND I GOT TRAPPED TRAPPED ON THE MIDDLEEE EARTH, PARALYZE, PARALYZE LIKE YOUR FACE FACE WHEN I CALL YOU NAAAAME!"

I imagined the guitar solo….

"KILI KILI OH YOU KNOW YOU LOVE, KILI KILI DON´T YOU DARE TO DENY IT!"

And then we drop the bass and dupsteped it.

"DUM DUM DUM BRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRR WIWIWIW BRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRR SUM SUM"

I was done and just in time for a little squirrel to join me.

"Hi there, did you like it?"

The little rodent just tilts its head not understanding a word I said.

"I mean it's not good, but it wasn´t that bad either right?"- I was so bored I was talking to squirrel.

The little creature just stares at me blankly with its dark orbs, and proceeded to scratch its back.

"I will take it as yes"

The squirrel just squeaks and curls on my lap, probably thinking I was some random part of the tree that could talk and protect it from the rain.

_Well at least I made a new friend._

The reddish fur ball cuddles a bit more, probably preparing to sleep.

_Awww isn´t these cute?_

Suddenly the little creature´s ear twitches at the sound of something and instantly stands up on alert mode. I tried my best to turn my head, and look at the source of the voices, but as you could have guessed I was still paralyze.

The rain was not helping to hear neither, whoever was there, and nor was the darkness.

The voices began to get closer and clearer and so were their owners.

"What a hideous night!"-One said

"I know I was hoping to get something good to eat!"- The other said.

"Damn it with this rain no creature will be out!"

"Shut up"

"Ouch!"

"And let´s hurry to our cave."

I panicked, they couldn´t be what I think they were? My answer was quickly answered when the creatures reached my area, the light of their oil lamp help me clear my doubts. Three troll were just a few meters of my paralyze body.

_Oh crap why me? Why today!?_

Quickly I tried my best to move whatever part of my body was willing to respond first. My arms, my legs, all were useless. I only ended up shaking, making a ruffle noise on the floor I was laying.

"Hey wait"- One says. "I think I heard something"

_FUCK MY LIFE! WHY ME!? _

I stood without moving, because you know it's not like I had another option availed, and pray the trolls were stupid enough to ignore me, but no they had to swing their lamp and point it at me.

"Look over there Bert, what is that?"

They started approaching to me and having no other strategy in mind I decide to pretend dead, and hoped for them to believe me.

_Fuck Valentino where are you?!_

My little furry friend was gone too.

"What do you think it's this?"

"It looks like a human"-It sniffed me.-"It smells like a human"

"Is she dead"-Other asks kind of disappoint.

I hold my breath.

"It looks like it, but she doesn´t smell like a dead one"

"Can we eat her then?"

"Only one way to find out"- Another says and lifts me up.

_CRAP CRAP CRAP!_

And then I don´t know if it was God, Mother Nature, or just the friking adrenaline of the moment but as soon as the creature sniffed me one more time, I lost it and somehow managed to punch its eye.

The creature winced at the hit, and immediately dropped me to the ground, in order to hold his injured eye.

I landed on my face but did not waste my sudden adrenaline rush, and proceed to run as the trolls were too busy catching on what happen.

"She is alive!"

"Get her"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

And this is pretty much where we start, it has been two days since we left the Shire, I was now running for my dear life while three trolls are trying to eat me, Valentino is nowhere to be seem, it's raining, I am hungry, I have been eating nothing but berries, even ones that are poisonous paralyzers, and I am partially paralyze thanks to said berries, did I mention I was having the worst day of my life?

Yes I did, I mention it at the beginning of the chapter.

I was still running away, but each step I made started to get heavier and logier.

After what it felt like a kilometer to me, I managed to outrun them. I stopped a few moments to breath, but as soon as I did, my body began to paralyze again.

I tried to force it, but ended up falling. I heard the trolls getting closer, so I rolled and hid behind some bushes.

The trolls got to the area, and began to look for me.

"Don´t let her escape; she could be our only meal of today"

My heart could not beat any faster. I silently wait for them to go, and that´s when my furry friend appeared again, no I´m not talking about Valentino he is an asshole and I am starting to think he left me. I was talking about the squirrel. Silently, I gave the rodent my pleading look of "stay here and quiet". But no the animal had to run off the bush making the trolls turned around with their lamp and see me.

_Bless my luck._

"There she is! Tom bring her back!"

Tom approached at me; I tried to move again my body but was useless. Silently, I was both imagining ways to kill the squirrel and also that someone would save me.

And bless my luck for once something good happen! Seriously until today I don´t get it but before the Tom troll could get near the bush, the sky roared and a lightning strike just a few meters between the Troll and me.

Scared, Tom retreat and return to his brothers/friends, as more and more thunders began to roar.

"Come on guys let´s get out of here!"

The trolls were gone and for the first time in the last minutes, I felt peace.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

Ironically like 7 minutes after my miracle saving, I was availed to move not much but enough to walk.

I sat down, and shivered. The rain was too cold.

So, in what I was thinking after my almost death experience? No other than food! Because you know I think of food most of the time (and Kili) and even more now since I haven´t ate a thing but poisonous berries from hell. Right now the little mushrooms growing on the tree´s root beside the bush seem quite delicious

_No you can´t do that! You just recovered from the berries from hell! But I haven´t eat anything in hours! No you got to be strong for us, for Kili what if it is a poisonous rash provoking mushroom?! You don´t want to look hideous when we find him! Besides what if it is hallucinogen?! Oh shut up only the red ones are of those. Okay but that still that doesn´t take the fact that they could give rash! That is a good point. I know, now stay away from those shrooms, and remember we got to be pretty for Kili. Alright, I´m cool with it…FUCK IT NO MAN IS WORTH OF STARVING!_

And with that I began to devour two of the tan looking mushrooms. God I was so hungry I didn´t even cared I looked like a beast devouring it's pray.

Soon the squirrel joined me and stared at me.

"Peace off little traitor these are all mine"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

It wasn´t that bad, I just ate six of them, they taste good, soft and easy to munch just like the mushroom in pizzas on my back world.

_Well time to find a way out, not like I could get anymore lost, OH oh crap, didn´t see that tree before haha that was close, oh crap! Ouch ouch that hurt, where are these trees coming from? And why is the forest moving? Is it an earthquake? It's it me, or is It getting blurrier? Guess is just my imagination, let´s keep up._

I ignored the strangeness of the weather and just took it us Mother Nature's bitching. Walking to my way, I founded that my body was responding, better, much better than before.

Then something strange happens the road begins, to widen and stretch, then shrink then widen, then shrink then widen. The floor begins to shake and out of the ground giant sunflowers sprout.

_Pretty hehehe_

Traitor (the squirrel´s new name) appears by my side, with two heads. Whoa that´s weird I didn´t notice the second head before. He looks at me and smiles, he wiggles his tiny arms.

"Welcome home, my queen"- Traitor speaks on a really deep voice.

_The Hell… I didn´t knew he could talk_

When I looked up to the road, the forest was gone! And was replace by big ass psychedelic color changing sunflowers, the sky was now color vibrant red.

"Wow so many colors!"

"Indeed my queen"

"Queen, I like the sound of that"

"Me too, I am glad you came back"

"Wow traitor, you are changing of colors too! "

"You too queen"

I took a look at myself and it was true, I was changing, from blue, to yellow, to red.

"Awesome"

I took a look to my new kingdom; people were dancing to a really hip-hop trippy kind of music remix that was being performed by my own personal orchestra of pink badgers.

Some kind of elephant half pig, half fly, half dog asks me to dance, I accepted and let me tell you he had good moves. Then some kind of flying bunnies approach and put on my head silver, gold and smarties crown. Suddenly some trippy colored well looking attractive men come and lift me up and begin to spin me around while they and everybody dance around me.

I continue dancing this was so awesome all the animals and colorful people were dancing and making stunts.

Suddenly the music stops, I look at the orchestra, everybody steps aside of me and I whined.

"Hey! What's going on? where is the music!?"- I asked Traitor.

"They are preparing for the arrival of your King"

"My king?"

The orchestra plays another song, this a bit more calm. I recognize it! It was Lucy in the sky with diamonds!

"Look he is here"- Traitor points to the sky.

And I saw him; my King was no other than Kili on a psychedelic color palette, along with its black horse.

_Oh HAHA this was not happening! This can´t be possible no I refuse to believe this madness!_

"Hello my queen"- He says and kisses my hand. "Kili at your services"

_Well not like I can refuse that._

"Ready, for our nocturne ride?"

"Yes" – I said proudly

_HELL YEAH!_

He smiles and leads me to his horse which was now having two heads. I wrapped my arms around him and proceed to fly. How was the horse flying? I have no Idea. Did I care? Hell no.

The Orchestra follows us on a flying mint cloud. I just enjoyed the view of the journey. We were flying through all the blue, red, yellow, green, magenta sky. Some of the couples on the forest follow us and continue dancing in midair.

As we got farer, I notice that the images on the sky began to change more and more.

There was a pause, Fili turns around a looks at me intensely,

"My queen I have always love you"

On my head I was laughing like a maniac, on the reality I was grinning. Fili notices this and leans.

_OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!_

Then he leans closer, I close my eyes

_YES!_

And then it happens, he throws me off the horse so romantically, no wait what? WHAT!

I scream as I begin to fall.

_WTF!_

"Why Kili? WHY!?" – I screamed

"You must practice your flying skills "- He says as he laughs so trollingly charming and proceeds to disappear.

"Nooooo!"- I scream, as I continue falling. The sky was no longer trippy or beautiful as it was before; it was now full of monsters, and bizarre images! Nooo I want my kingdom back! Where is my Kingdom, where is my music?!

I fell directly into the mouth of a dragon and somehow, exit and continue falling. Lots of lightings were striking dangerously close to me.

"Use your wings to fly!"- Traitor that was now falling with me says

"Which wings?Oh crap what are those?!"- I asked scared of the things on my back, they looked like some kind of bird wings.

"Your wings queen, use them!"-Traitor says before disappearing.

I began to move them up and down and HOLY HOBBIT! I WAS FLYING HAHA I COULDN´T BELIEVE IT I ACTUALLY MADE IT.

Traitor appears again.

"Look traitor! I made it! I am flying"- I said and proceed to make some spins, and stunts

"Yeah master you are, but there is a slight little problem"

"Oh really which one?"- I said as I finish my back flip.

"You don´t really have wings"

"Say what?"-An as soon I said that my wings evaporate and I fell again. "No wait AHHHHHH""

"Goodnight ma'am"- Traitor says and activates its parachute.

The Bizarre images come back, now the sky was in fire and several Gollum eyes were watching me. The images begin to get abstracter and abstracter. I´ll give you a shot for you to get the idea. Imagine you falling on flame cover sky, while hundreds of giant bulging blue eyes watch you, you hear creepy whispers, on one hand you see the X-men pass and salut you, and on the other you see the Company on a cloud playing Goth Metal music, Thorin being the grutal singer and Bilbo the one in a corset and dress. All this while a bunch of hot Cheetos fly over your head.

I screamed Bloody murder a soon as I finally saw the ground and my body crushed with it.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**:::Since the Normal Point Of View is too high to know what´s going on, Obnoxious POV will take care of the situation:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

The company had found shelter. from the rain, behind a pair of giant rocks, the storm had stop a while ago, and everyone was enjoying the fire and food.

All except Gandalf who´s mind was in other subject. He had felt the sensation someone was following them a while ago. His doubt was clear when he and the rest of the Company heard a faint scream not so far from there.

Gandalf and Bilbo were send to investigate, followed by Kili and his brother Fili. Gandalf stops abruptly, making Bilbo slightly bump with him. Bilbo apologizes, however Gandalf doesn´t put attention and heads to the source of his attention.

Right next to a pine, a human girl was lying half conscious. Gandalf kneels beside her, followed by Bilbo who had a terrified look on his face.

"What on earth happen to her!?"- Bilbo asks, looking at the unconscious girl.

"Well I will guess she fell from the tree"- Gandalf says looking to see if there were any other injuries, apart from a few scratches she seem fine. Gandalf gently shakes her. "Lady, lady are you alright?"

The girl´s eyes open, and Gandalf notices the dilatation on her pupils along with the red tints on them.

"Magneto?"-The girl raises an eyebrow and Gandalf tilts its head at the strange word.

The girl smiles and laughs a bit while sitting down.

"I didn´t knew you were in here too!"-The girl suddenly stands up having a bit of trouble staying that way. Bilbo and Gandalf back off a bit and stare at the girl.

"You know you should cut off the beard it makes you look old"-The girl says and point as him, Gandalf and Bilbo share at look." Anyway I am off, got to go back…to my pony"- The girls says as she pats a tree and attempts to climb it.

"Gandalf is the girl okay? You know…. in her head?"-Bilbo points at his head

"Ha-ha you silly Wolverine you always make me laugh" – The girl was now stumbling as she walk to another tree and tries to climb it again

"Of course she is"- Gandalf says, and understanding approaches rapidly at the girl.

The girl fells from the tree and lands on her butt, Gandalf helps her up and hold her by the shoulder.

"Excuse me miss, but I need to know, have you been eating some mushrooms of any kind?"

"Yeah, some pretty ones of brown and yellow color"-The girl was having trouble to both staying still and focusing on "Magneto", her vision was starting to blur.

The girl frees from Gandalf´s hold and attempts to walk.

"And also paralyzing blueberries!"-The girl says.

Gandalf notices it by how she was stumbling as she walked.

"Hey did you find something?"-Fili asks as he and Kili join them. Only to find a brown hair girl, spinning around like a drunk while singing and mumbling inaudible things

"Whoa"- Kili says as the girl, trips with some log and lands on her face

Kili approaches to help her, followed by Fili, Gandalf and Bilbo.

Kili turns her around and holds her in his arms; he notices that even for a drunk person she was quite good looking. The dwarf brushes a few of the dirt from her fair face.

"Is she drunk?"-Kili asks turning to look at Gandalf.

"No just slightly paralyze by some berries, and intoxicate by some mushrooms"

"Is she lost?" –Bilbo asks

"The most reliable is that yes, otherwise what human will be these far from its village"- Fili dialogues

"Look she is waking up again"- Kili says as she sees the girl twitching her eyes.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Back to the Normal point of view0000000000**

I heard a lot of voices; I think they were talking to me, what the Fuck? What the hell happen?

"Miss, miss, are you alright, can you hear me?"

I heard a voice speak to me, I opened my eyes and saw some blur face speaking to me.

"Who are you people?"-I asked not really getting what was going on. The faces begin to clear more …Oh Fuck..

"My Name is Gandalf the Gray"

"Bilbo Baggins "

"Fili at your services"

"Kili at your services"

That is when I saw him with his tannish skin, dreamy dark brown eyes and his handsome face.

Oh My God Oh My God! It's Kili! Kili is there in front of me. Oh God he is talking to me! Fuck! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed say?

_I love you_

"Lady are you alright?"

_I read fanfiction about you_

"_Lady?"_

_You are the subject of some of my erotic dreams_

"Lady, can you hear me?"

And since I was still a bit high, disoriented, paralyze and fucked up, I just stare idiotically and blankly at him and mumble the first idiocy that came to my mind…

"Are you an angel?"

Kili made an awkward smile obviously uncomfortable by the question; I could hear a snicker coming from its side which I could guess was Fili´s.

"No I am not..."

"Did I really said that out loud?"- I said realizing my stupid action.

"Yes you did"

"Oh… then would you mind killing me with your sword, before I get full consciousness about my actions?"-

He chuckled. God he is so cute.

"Not right now"

Well there goes my awesome first impression; I wonder what else can happen to make things more awkward?

And that's when I heard a bear growl, everybody turned around including me, only to find Valentino with a basket on his side.

"Hey, there you are, I have been looking for you everywhere! Did I miss anything?"

I just glared at him and mutter a "fuck you".

"Bear!"-Fili shouts and points his sword at him.

I quickly stand up and intervened

"No, no he is a cool guy he comes with me, his name is Valentino"

The guys just give me a strange look.

And that was the last thing I said before I black out again. I don´t know what happen after that, probably they abandoned me since I am pretty sure they thought I was some High ass hobo. Hehe Oh well at least I met Kili.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**Obnoxious Point Of View:**

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

Kili, Fili, Gandalf and Bilbo were back with the rest of the company.

Everybody stare in surprise at the girl on Kili´s arms.

"What happen? Who is she?!"- Thorin´s voice boomed

"A human girl we found on the forest, she is intoxicated, injured, paralyze and probably lost, she needs our help"- Gandalf says seriously to the Dwarf King.

"Intoxicated?"-Thorin asks.

"Mushrooms"-Fili adds "You should have seen her she was talking lots of nonsense"

Thorin did not like it already, and Gandalf notice that.

"Please Thorin she is just a girl, I am almost sure she is lost, we cannot just leave her here, lets help her and tomorrow when she is conscious we shall decide what to do with her"

Thorin thought of it for a moment, he did not like the fact his medicine was going to be waste, but he wasn´t heartless either so he reluctantly accepts.

"Fine, just hurry, tomorrow we got a lot of walk to do, we had already waste some time with the rain"

Gandalf smiles. "I knew you would understand."

And with that they proceed to help her. Thorin notices the bear.

"What is the meaning of that?"

"Oh she says is her friend"-Gandalf says.-"He is harmless he has already follow us all the way here

Thorin mutters something inaudible. What kind of sick and insane person had the wizard, hobbit and nephews brought to his company?

0ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo

**A/N : And there goes my third chapter, oh my god this was so painful to right, not that I did not enjoyed all the contrary, but it was so long (the longest yet) , I was actually going to split it on two, but then I remembered I had said that on the third chapter she was going to find the company. So first I am sorry I post this late, I know I said on Saturday but as I say before this took a while to write. So I hope this long chapter was enjoyable for you, tell me what you think and I´ll try to be a little faster on the updates so Yay for life! Goodbye and have a nice week :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Because you know… Stuff happens**

"Are you an angel?"

"Ummm….no"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

I gasped, as soon as I woke up.

_What a hideous nightmare. _

"Woke up already?"-Valentino says nochantaly; I look at him, he was sitting just beside me. I was so relieved to see him

"Oh Valentino is you! I had the craziest dream last night!"- Valentino looks up from his pile of stones he was so interested building.

"Was some of your fantasy men in it?"

"Well technically…yeah… but…"

"Then I don´t want to know"

"No! Not in that way pervert! No actually is was more of a nightmare. I was paralyze thanks to some kind of poisonous berries, I couldn´t move and trolls were chasing me, then I ate some trippy mushrooms and began to see the weirdest shit on my life, like seriously that was really messed up, but then the worse was that Gandalf, Bilbo, Fili and KILI for god sake found me and I was still high as fuck saying lots of and lots of shit! I even made Kili uncomfortable!"

I took a deep breath and then changed my horrified face for a relieved smile.

"But luckily it was all a dream and we still got to find the Company and make a good first impression"

I looked and smile at Valentino, my arm on his hairy shoulder, though for some reason he gave me and skeptical look and proceeded to remove my arm from him.

"Um…Kid I hate to break the bad news, but that did happen and in fact we have already found the company".

I stared blankly at him, my smile still on my face, not daring to believe his nonsense. Slowly, I turned my head around and found thirteen dwarfs, a wizard and a hobbit serenely sleeping on the floor.

_Oh God Why…_

_**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**_

"Hey! Hey kiddo, where are you going?!"-Valentino screams as he runs after my escaping figure.

"No, noooo!"

"Please kid, come back!"

"Never!"

I was running faster than I would normally do, since I wasn´t paralyze anymore, I was practically flying.

No, there wasn´t any way on earth I was going to present myself to Thorin´s Oakenshield Company, not after my yesterday's number. Nope, I was done, I wasn´t going to join them after that and no one would make me, not one at all, not even Sauron, not even Gandalf, not even Smaug, not even the brutal force of a 450kg…..

My body was then, slammed to the floor by Valentino.

_Shit_

"I think my ribs just ripped my lungs"- I said completely off air.

Valentino quickly stands up and gives me a hand, while I gasp for the dear oxygen that was taken oh so brutally taken away from me.

"Sorry kid I didn´t meant any harm"

"Why do you always have to hurt me, whenever you try to prove a point to me?"- I say, as I began to recover the oxygen. I shook my head at the bear´s ways of reasoning.

"You can´t just run away"-he says completely ignoring my previous statement.

"Yes, yes I can, because there is no way, after yesterday's number, I am going back and dare to ask to join. God why!? I have never smoked, got drunk and much less got high on my life and I had to wait to come to the universe where my heroes exist to do it, just so that they could find me high as fuck saying idiocies and shit!"

I was once again, hysteric

"I mean, God, they probably think I am a retarded high hobo who just like to seat on the forest and eat trippy mushrooms; they are never going to accept me!"

I had now both hands on my face. I felt hopeless.

"I think you are exaggerating"

"Well it's easy to say, you weren´t the one who had to run away from trolls while half body was useless, while a thunderstorm was striking, and fell from God know where while you were God knows where…"- I suddenly went silence.

Valentino noticed it and stared at me, I was looking wide eye at him.

"What?"- Said the Grizzly, starting to get uncomfortable by my stare.

I didn´t say anything. I was just staring at him, processing the series of unfortunate events, until I got to the conclusion.

Tino was about to touch my shoulder when suddenly…

"You!"- I snapped and pointed my finger at the bear, responsible of my suffering.

"Me..?"- Valentino replies completely taken aback by my comment.-"What do you…"

"You are the one, the responsible of all my sucky luck!"- I was walking towards Valentino as he cautiously retreated backwards, just as if some rabid beast was about to murder him (probably half true).-" It's because of you I almost got killed, it's because of you that I blew off my opportunity to get into the company as a respected and well-balance….

With that I started my usual ranting, with today's subject: Valentino is the responsible of my catalyst journey. After a few more complains I ended up punching several times the bear´s chest, but of course my lame punches made no effect on the 450kg beast other than him giving me a bored look.

"I hate you, I hate this"- I said still trying to make some damage on him.

_Damn you Stupid 450kg of muscle and fat._

Suddenly Tino, finally getting tire of my childish attitude, grabs my fist and lifts me with both paths above him and proceeds to walk.

"What, what the hell are you doing? Put me down! Put me down now!"

"Shut up"- He says and drops me to the floor.

I landed flat on my butt and I was too shocked to react.

"Ouch… that was… Ummm violent…"- I said still processing the event.

Valentino sat down beside me. He was about to speak but I interrupted him knowing exactly what the insensible bear was about to say.

"Yeah, yeah I know… you are sorry but I was hysterical"- I said mocking his deep voice, and proceed to glare at him; he just grinned at me and patted my shoulder.

"I´m glad you understand me so well, kid"

"I´m glad you understand me so well kid"- I said mimicking his voice. I proceeded to give him another deadly glare. "Dude I mean seriously what's wrong with you, you do remember I am a girl right?"

"Yep a thickhead hysterical girl that only understands by the literal way of **knocking sense** "

"Says the guy who gave me poisonous berries"

Tino´s mocking smile faded.

"Oh, are you still angry because of that?"

"Meh, I already got over it"

"Good! So am I forgiven?"

Valentino gave me the bear cub eyes.

"What other option I have"- I said finally standing up from my spot, being followed after by Valentino.-"Besides you are right I can´t just run, I am already here, and who cares if they think I am hobo, I am here for adventure!"

"Haha, that´s the kiddo I know" - Tino says. "Now just to make sure you really forgave me"

Valentino in an attempt to cheer me up more, he begun to swing his arms from side to side, in a….. Dance attempt, I guess.

"What are you doing…?"- I said a bit disturbed by the bear´s movements

"The Carlton dance!"- The bear continues to swing its paws, while I give him a funny look. He looks at me and continues. I sighed.

_Boy this bear is awesome._

"You are doing it wrong!"- I said with a smirk on my face.

"O really? Then come here and show me how it's done"

"I will!"

And with that, I proceeded to make the Carlton dance. I began to swing my arms from side to side, while we both sang _It´s not unusual. _Oh god we looked so retarded but we of course did not care, I mean it was not like someone was watching right?

"It's not unusual!"- I sang while I was making my retarded smile.

*************** Obnoxious POV *********************

The Girl and Valentino were still doing their stupid dance, ever so giddy and ever so happy to notice that Mighty Thorin and Gandalf the Grey were just arriving in time to watch in horror the stupidity of their dance.

"I am telling you she must be here…"- Gandalf could not finish his words for he and Thorin arrive just in time to watch the bear and the girl doing … whatever that was supposed to be.

Thorin raised an eyebrow as he watch the horror of the scene. He turned to see Gandalf.

"Is the girl alright?"- Thorin pointed to his head. "You know in her head?"

"Well of course she is, she is just …em…. Dancing I guess"- Gandalf proceeded to clear his throat loudly in order to catch the young girl´s attention.

Nothing came, so he did it once more, this time a bit louder than the last. The bear was the first to notice, so he immediately stopped while the girl was still….dancing.

Valentino quickly tapped the girl´s shoulder. She looked at him, and the bear glance at the pair ahead. The Human turned her head and her eyes widen in fear as soon as she realized who were over there, and who have been watching them. She almost fainted of embarrassment.

"Good morning young lady, I hope we did not interrupt anything important, but the Dwarf King here wants to know about you."- Gandalf pointed to Thorin and he just gave him a skeptical look.

"No I don´t want to know nothing of that insane human"- Thorin said; low enough for only Gandalf to hear. Gandalf just gave him the look.

"So if you could please accompany us to make you some questions"- Gandalf finished ignoring the dwarf´s previous statement.

The Human nodded and quickly followed the pair along with her bear.

Without the Wizard and the King noticing, the human glance at its furry partner and gave him a look that pretty much said:

_Fuck! I haven´t planned my fake story yet._

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**Back to the Normal POV**

Fuck, frick, hell no OMG no no no no no no no , this was not happening, okay normally I wouldn´t be this worry but hell, I haven´t had time to plan my fake story yet, I mean I had thought of a couple of ones, but have not yet chose which to use. Should I go for the true and tell them I came from another dimension? No of course not. That never works; they would never believe me and would probably label me crazy. Oh Great now Thorin is asking me who am I and where I came from.

"Ahem"- Thorin interrupted my thoughts, probably getting impatient. "So what were you doing in the forest?"

I instantly composed my face, and decide to play cool, because well I didn´t self-proclaim The Improvisation Master just to win a point to Valentino.

_Okay you got this just say the first thing it comes to your mind_

_Kili I will be the mother of your children!_

_Not everything! Now hurry and don´t let them intimidate you… oh hell why is everyone so tall? Why is everyone so taller than me?! Come on they aren´t supposed to be that tall! They are DWARFS for God Sake! And why is everyone staring at me? C´mon am not that crucial, go and mind your own business dwarfs…especially you Kili stop staring at me… with those gorgeous chocolate eyes of yours…_

"Well are you going to tell us anything?"-Thorin said, obviously annoyed by my space out episodes.

"Lulla"- I answered as quickly as I could. "Lulla is my name"

"Lulla?"-Asked Thorin a bit skeptical.

"Lulla?"- Some of the dwarfs whisper between themselves as to make sure they heard well.

"Lulla"-Even my furry companion questioned in disbelief and when I turned around to see him, he gave me a weird look.

God was Lulla that lame? It couldn´t be that bad, I mean it was the first "exotic" slash "ancient" name it came to my mind. And it isn´t even fake, the quiz I made online said that it had old English origins, and it was my most accurate ancient name.

_C´mon guys don´t question Lulla, it is not that bad and besides its better than telling me my real name! _

"Strange name"-Said Thorin

_Curse you Quizilla, you and your stupid personality tests._

Thorin´s face pretty much said what kind of sick bastards would name their daughter Lulla. Despite of that I decide to play along.

"Yeah I know, not really common indeed, but one has to live with the name they are put with "- I smiled, trying to relief the awkwardness. Effectiveness: None

"Your second name if you don´t mind"- Said the oh so calm Gandalf.

"Bumblebee…Eh I mean Carazyn"- I correct myself quickly enough so that they wouldn´t notice it.

_Curse you Celtic name generators._

Before another comment or incredulous look was sent to me, I decide to start my story.

_Okay should I go for the tragic past story or the damsel in distress role?_

"My name is Lulla Carazyn"- I said more confidently, all eyes on me.-"And actually my bear and I have been looking for you for some days now…- I took a pause and notice Thorin´s look harden in suspicion, the atmosphere tensed and when I turned to see the rest of the dwarfs, they had similar expressions.-" Because.. well I want to join your quest...

"How did you found out about the quest!?"-Thorin snapped and pointed his sword at me. Neither he nor the dwarfs look happy at my statement.

_Oh crap wrong move. What the fuck? Why is he questioning me? He shouldn´t question that much, on fanfics they never question that much! In fact they don´t they just take whatever the chick has to say and let her in! Bad Thorin, stop, you are doing it wrong!_

The blade was now dangerously close to me.

_Curse you Hobbit fanfiction!_

I turned around to see if my furry friend was worry at all by me, and he was clearly NOT… he was just sitting ,eating and watching amusedly. I gave him a pleading look and he JUST SHRUGGED.

_Fuck you stupid uncaring bear!_

I looked back at Thorin and he didn´t look happy.

_Shit! better pulled surprise factor…_

"Hey no need to get defensive"-I raised my hands in surrender.-"My family is friend of a Dwarf who lived on The Lonely Mountain"

My statement seem to calm them a bit, but still there eyes where full of suspicion. Thorin retreat his sword. I smiled victoriously.

"His name is … Gim yeah, and well he wasn´t a warrior during that time, he was a toy maker. After the horrible events he as many dwarfs went to look for jobs. Many years later he came to my village, he became a baker at the village and a close friend to my grandparents. They even invited him to live at the mansion, and have live there since, even before I was born."

I took a glance at everyone. They were listening and seemed to believe it.

"And?"-Thorin said, waiting for me to continue.

"And my village is small and people have nothing better to do than gossip all day, so when the people start to talk about the rumors of a group dwarfs getting together, Gim quickly got an idea of what possibly was going on. He vanished and we didn´t knew about him for a week, when he came back he was all happy and giddy as if he became a child again. Somehow he managed to find out the plan, don´t ask me how though he never told us, he just said he "had his ways" and told us about your plan, but makes us swear no to spit a word.

_Damn I´m so smooth, I should be an actress._

"What village?"-Thorin asked not amused at all by my well invented story.

_What?_

"Excuse me?"- I retorted a bit confused and afraid of his question.

"What is the name of your village"- Thorin narrow his eyes suspiciously at me.

_Shit!_

"Didn´t you listen?"-Thorin asks getting more suspicious. I could see he was planning to take his sword again.

"Yes!"- I said a bit louder than necessary.

Crap I´m trapped. Shit, I can´t remember any men region, shit! I will get busted. Why did I have to give such a complicated explanation! Why didn´t I just say: I don´t remember I freakin fell from a tree and my head is damaged!

"Arnor.."

_What?_

"Quickly tell you are from a village close to Arnor, tell its name is Arhon"- Valentino whispered.

I swear I couldn´t be happier to have the Grizzly by my side.

"Oh what relief!"

"What is a relief Miss?"- Gandalf asked curiously.

"For a moment I thought, I had lost part of my knowledge, I swear for a second I completely forgot where I lived"-I chuckle slightly and Gandalf gave me a curious look. –"Must be the fall from the tree, anyway the name of my village is Arhon and is a small village close to Arnor."

"Arnor?"-Gandalf question surprise. –"You have been traveling all the way from Armor to here?

"Um yes"- I said a bit unsure if that was a good thing or a bad.

"Why would you travel that much?- Thorin questioned me… again.

_Damn it what's with all your questioning Thorin! I just have made it from the location question! I don´t question you why is your beard so long, or why it matches you clothes, right? I just let you be! Alright here I go…_

"Because I want to join your company and help you on your quest"- I said simply, however the guys did not took it that simply their faces vary from shock to disbelief. They certainly did not expect my answer.

_C´mon is that hard to believe a woman wants to leave the kitchen?_

"Why would a human want to help a dwarf on getting back his land?-Thorin glare at my form, and I suddenly began to felt shorter.-"Perhaps the treasure?"

_Questions, questions, questions!_ _Damn it Thorin let me finish processing; my brain is still at working! And what is it with your racism, can´t a human just want to help without any greedy intentions?_

"Well honestly my family is well economically accommodated and can really be call wealthy, so my intentions are less greedy"

I decided to go for half true.

"All my life I have been living on that village, I know nothing out of it, other than stories, even though I have had everything anyone would want on life and I have no complains, lately I have been wanting more of a you know… experience, adventure something more exciting than sitting around at home reading and drawing. I want an adventure, a life changing experience, something that I can be proud of to remember when I grow old."

_Insert your dramatic music._

"And when Gim told me about your mission, well I thought it was my opportunity. So I left with my family´s and Gim´s bless"

I made a paused.

"Thorin Oaken shield if you accept me on your Company, I promise to give all my loyalty and put all my heart on the mission, Thorin I request to join your company"

I had to admit I was proud of myself, god the emotion I poured on my words could almost make me cry. There was no way they would not let me in.

Thorin seem to be thinking of it for a moment. I smiled, I have got him. I mentally praised myself because God I was awesome. I had made Thorin Oakenshield of all people accept me on his Company.

"What can you do?"

_What?!_

"Excuse me?"

"Stop doing that you heard me perfectly; tell me what is that you can contribute to the group on this quest?"

_God Why!? I´m screwed!_

"Contribute?" – I asked innocently and mentally hit myself. Thorin took a deep breath clearly annoyed by my dump questions.

"Yes"-His jaw was very tense; I could see he was having trouble holding himself from killing me. If it wasn´t because I was on life/dead situation I would probably laugh at his efforts. "Abilities, skills anything that could help us on the quest"

_Procrastinating, eating, sleeping, drawing, pushing bottoms… Yep I´m screwed_

"Well I… I a…"-I began; trying to find anything the dwarf could find interesting and worth.

Thorin seeing my blabbing as a sign I was going to space out another hour, he decides to take the lead.

"Are you good at swords?"

"No…"

"Have you ever fought with swords?"

"No…"

"Knifes?"

"No…"

"Well, then are you good with archery?"

_Does the wii sports count?_

"Emm…No"

Thorin glared at me, and he wasn´t the only one, I saw Valentino shook his head in disapprove.

Well what the hell I was supposed to do? Lie I knew and then during battle let myself humiliate? Probably I should have done that, at least I would have been in, but still…Damn it Thorin this is all your fault, you just had to say yes Lulla you are in come here sit with us and later on battle I can scream at you for lying.

"Is there anything you are good at?"- Thorin asked on a last attempt.

_Yes, Lying and Acting_

"Not in the camp you are soliciting…"

"Then you have nothing to do here, go back home

_What the hell this isn´t supposed to happen! You are supposed to say: You are hot you are in! Thorin you are doing it wrong!_

I decide to use Spirit Pill.

"No wait"-Thorin turned around he was clearly starting to get tire of me.-"Listen, I know I am not prepare for this journey, but I am willing to take anything that has to offer me, as well as I am willing to learn during the journey and work hard to prove I am worth!"

"Hmmm I like your spirit, but I will not waste my time nor the one of my comrades on teaching you, as I said before if you have nothing to contribute, there is no place for you in here"

_Oh my god what and asshole! I practically put all my heart on that heartbreaking speech and he rejected me!_

"Well I certainly do!"-I said this time a bit louder and pissed. Thorin looked at me bored. "I have a 450kg bear that practically does whatever I ask!"

"I what?"-I heard Valentino said from behind. I ignore him.

Thorin seemed to think it for a bit, he looked from me to the bear and for a moment I thought he was going to accept me until…

"I rather have the bear than you"- Thorin retorted and I heard the snickers from the group.

_Fuck you Thorin! Fuck you! _

Then I heard Valentino chuckle.

"I like this guy"

_Fuck you Valentino, Fuck you!_

"You are not being fair at all!"- I complained Thorin turned around to look at me. " I mean Bilbo over there has no fighting skills and you still got him in!"

I said pointing at Bilbo, who look clearly both startle and offended. I instantly wanted to swallow my words. Thorin was now looking at me suspiciously about to ask how I could know such think.

"I mean no offense, Bilbo, you just look like the type of not fighting"- I lied trying to cover my mistake. Thorin seemed to believe it.

"Even if that is true"-Thorin started not helping the hobbit´s hurt pride.

_Aww poor Bilbo._

"He is our burglar and yet can contribute more than you will ever could"-Thorin finished

And then I lost it, my hysteria took over me and then hell broke loose.

"You know you are really unfair!"- I snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me perfectly; you are really stubborn and unfair. You know how long I have been waiting to find you? All the stuff I had to go through! I didn´t just came to here on a gold bed, no I had to leave home, walk miles barefoot, stole clothes and food and get stole by another burglars."

My eyes were widening more and more at every word I said. What could I say? I was pissed.

"I passed a whole night hallucinating and paralyzed while a bunch of trolls chased me and tried to eat, all while thunderstorm was striking and a lightening almost killed me. So please reconsider next time before you reject me, you are no one to tell me I am not worth of joining!"

I took some breaths, while I glared at Thorin, who just glared at me back. I smirked.

_What do you have to say now, Tho-rin?_

"I am Thorin Oaken Shield, King of the dwarfs; I am everyone to tell you are not worth of joining"

_Fuck! _

"Ho-ho Owned"-My useless bear said from behind.

"And just so you know I will never let in such a spoil, useless and insolent brat as you"

_Fuck my life, fuck my life! Of all people I could have argued, I had to choose Thorin!_

"Wait"-The so calm voice of Gandalf said.-"You say you escape some trolls?"

"Well yes, it was more of a luck shot, but I did"

"And you say you stole some things?"-Gandalf inquired and my hopes immediately lifted.

"Yes I did, well Valentino and I, we got to eat, since my mother did not gave me money in order for me to be more safe, I had to stole in a couple of towns"

Gandalf thought of it and then turned to Thorin.

"Thorin may I have a word with you in private?"

Thorin send him a pissed look.

"I know what you are thinking Gandalf and let me tell you I.."

"Please, Thorin it will be quick"

The Company looks at their leader waiting for his reply.

"Fine.."-Thorin says reluctantly and follows Gandalf-"Excuse us we will be here soon"-Gandalf said to both me and the dwarfs."

We nod and soon both the wizard and the King left, leaving me alone, with the dwarfs, Valentino, Bilbo and awkward silence.

I looked to the group as they exchanged looks, between them, Tino and me.

"So...what are your names again?"-I awkwardly asked as they turned to give me a strange look.

_Fuck my life_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Obnoxious POV :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

"No, Gandalf, I will not bring a human into the company, much less a girl, much less a spoiled brat, and specially one like her"- Thorin spat , repudiating the idea of bringing the human in.

"Thorin she made it all the way from Arnor to here"- Gandalf pointed.-"You can´t just send her back"

"It is not our problem that she was fool enough to think I was just going let her in, without any sort of skill"

"Well, she actually prove some survival skills, the mare fact that she had survive the journey from Arnor to here is proof enough"

"And the fact that she poisoned herself in hallucinogenic mushrooms is proof enough that she is nothing but trouble.

"Thorin…

"No Gandalf, my Company will not carry with such a burden, we are in a far more important mission, I will not waste my time babysitting a spoil human."

"And what are we going to do Thorin Oakenshield? Are you really going to abandon a woman to her luck in the middle of the forest?"

"She is not our problem, besides she says she understands the bear, she can just ask the beast to escort her back to her village"

"Thorin…"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

Meanwhile Lulla was really starting to worry, at first she thought Gandalf could have been her savior, but it has been a while already. The dwarfs and hobbit were still giving her both curious and awkward looks. After each told her their name, none of the males ask her more. The bear did not seem the least uncomfortable as he was eating his salmon rather happily.

"You know this salmon tastes real good"

"Shut up Valentino"- The human answered irritated by the bear´s unaffected attitude.

Her comment only made the dwarfs return their attention to her, sending her confused looks. The shy Ori was about to curiously ask the human something, but before Lulla could even hear his soft voice; he was abruptly stopped by his brother Dori

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

"She will learn to fight during the journey, she will have to "-Gandalf tried-" Just like Bilbo will"

"Ah your hobbit, I still have my doubts of him"

"I know you do, but Thorin you must give a chance, to both of them

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

It wasn´t that long as Lulla seem to feel it, but sure enough for all the members deciding to sit, and mind their own business while their king and the wizard came. Lulla find it funny how the imaginary line separate her and the bear from the rest of the males as if she was some war prisoner waiting for the verdict of how to get rid of her (Probably have true on the young girls mind).

Each Dwarf was doing their own thing, Ori was back into his little book, while some dwarfs were talking between them about their strange guest, glancing back to her and to the group and each giving their opinion about her outcome.

"Did you saw the size of her eyes when she began to shout!?"- Said Bofur earning a few chuckles from the male, who agreed at the comment.

"The human must be insane!"-Gloin pointed, completely sure of his statement

"Probably"-Fili answered

"I bet she won´t get in"-Nori said

"I bet Gandalf will get her in"-Said Bofur

"I bet she is insane"- Gloin pointed again

"I agree with Bofur I have the feeling that Gandalf will most likely convince Thorin to let her in"

"Don´t be so sure Kili, we never know with Thorin"- Fili commented

"If she does get in I bet she will be nothing but trouble"-Nori commented

"She does seem already trouble"-Dori said

The dwarves chuckled.

"Right but I give her some credit for trying to get in"-Fili said- "It takes a lot to speak Thorin like that"

Some of the dwarves agreed

"I give her none I honestly hope she doesn´t join"- Oin said

"I hope she doesn´t attempt to kill us while we sleep"-Gloin commented

"Come on Gloin she can´t be that trouble"-Bofur said and proceed to look at her

The males turned to glance at the human a few meters away from them. She was hitting her head with the tree in frustration.

"I recant my words"- Bofur said. Some of the dwarves chuckled.

"You really think she actually speaks with the bear?"-the shy Ori asked, finally leaving his book and joining the conversation

"I don´t know but the bear does seems to obey her"-Kili answered

"Wait isn´t that the bear that we found yesterday? You know the one walking like a human?"-Bofur asked, noticing the similarities

The dwarfs glance at the girl who was again to the bear, trying to find a similarity between yesterday's days possessed bear and this. It was true they were the same color but this bear seem to act more animal then the last.

"Maybe who knows"-Fili shrugged

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

"They are talking of me aren´t they?"- Lulla asked hopelessly to the bear in front of her.

Valentino glanced behind her and continued piling up some stones.

"Yep"

Lulla buried her face on her hands and sighed. Valentino did not paid attention to her number. Lulla did not dare to see behind her back.

"God what am I going to do?"-Lulla whined.-"Should I leave before they reject me for the third time?"

"And where do you expect us to go?"

"Mordor…"

Valentino rolled his eyes.

"Just relax everything will turned out fine…Lulla"- Valentino softly chuckles.-"What was with you and that name?"

"Quizilla said it was cool."-Lulla chuckled.-"By the way thanks for the Arnor thing, how did you knew about that?"

"When I went for something to eat, while you were paralyze, I passed by a town and heard a couple saying they were from there"

Lulla nodded and smiled at the bear. She took a deep breath.

"Why didn´t you told the others you can allow them to understand you? It would have been easier to have you as backup instead of you eating… and** laughing me!"**

"It would have been more complicated to explain, besides I don´t want them talking to me, I rather enjoy Thorin pwning you, silently"

"Asshole"

"You love me"

Lulla turned around to see the dwarves laughing hysterically. Lulla tilted her head curiously, and turned to Tino.

"What are they talking about?"

Valentino looked from his pile of stones to the dwarves, to Lulla and then back to his pile.

"Oh they are just remembering what you said to Kili last night"

Lulla´s face went pale.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

"I cannot guarantee her safety"

"Understood"

"Nor will I be responsible for her fate"

"I will take full responsibility of her, just as I will for Bilbo"

"Fine…"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

Bilbo sighed silently; he found it funny how even if he was with the dwarves, there was a small line separating him from them. He didn´t belong there. Yet the Halfling listen curiously to the group´s conversation, amused by their theories. He was curious of the girl too and glanced at her from time to time. He took another glance towards her; she had her head turned to them. She seemed nice.

"What about you Bilbo?"

The hobbit´s thoughts were interrupted by Bofur´s loud voice. He was a bit startle and it took him a second to realize they were actually talking to him.

"Sorry, I-I did not listen, what was what you asked?"

"That if you think the human will be in?"

"Well-ll I-I don´t-t know maybe…."

"Looks like we won´t have to guess anymore"- Fili interrupted, and pointed to his uncle and wizard coming.

Everybody stood up, to listen to the verdict.

"Alright, well it looks like Miss Carazyn will be joining us on our quest"

"Really?"- Carazyn asked shocked, questioning if the fall haven´t affect her hearing too.

"Really?"- Some of the dwarfs asked in disbelief. Gloin sigh thinking they were already doomed.

"Really?"- Even Valentino questioned. He was really expecting for them to abandon him and the girl, making him have to deal with her crying for at least… a week.

Lulla shot him a glare that pretty much said "You really have that low faith on me?"

"Yes"- Thorin said again still not believing he agreed with this

The Company was a bit surprise that their leader didn't gave any further explanation, but guessing by the harshness of his voice, it was best no to ask and trust his decision.

Thorin turned to Lulla glaring at her human face. She was going to be a pain to carry around, but… well he couldn´t just abandon her here. He looked from her to the beast, he wanted to back off but couldn´t because … well he was Thorin

"Well, human you made it to the Company I hope I have your loyalty from the start. You will obey all of my rules and speak with respect to me"

Lulla could feel the poison spat on that statement, he was obviously not happy with her around, and it must have took Gandalf a great amount of persuasion to make him agreed.

Lulla nods.

Thorin sighed, and turned to the Company.

"Prepare everything we are leaving now, we already waste enough time"

The Dwarfs with no hesitation began to set everything up. Lulla was a bit surprise that they has everything already set to leave already, and were just riding their horses.

"Wait we will not breakfast?"-Lulla asks feeling his stomach grumble.

"We already ate"- Thorin states and glares at her. –"While you were fooling around with your beast, we had our breakfast.

Lulla mentally facepalmed herself. God the man hate her.

She look around everyone was already on their horse including Thorin. They were already leaving.

"Wait"- She ran to Thorin who was just starting to leave. "So wait I am just going not to eat until…. Night?"- Lulla alarmed, she didn´t knew their eating habits, but she was sure she will have to wait a lot until next meal. Curse the dwarfs, she won´t survive without eating.

Thorin stopped and scoffed at the human´s tone of voice. Such a spoiled brat she was, how does she dare to question him and over food, she was lucky enough he let her in. He looked down at her from his horse and for a second thought of crushing her.

The dwarfs watch amusedly.

"You wanted to be here human; you should know that if you want to eat peacefully you must wake up early"

_Fuck me right? –_The Human thought and stared at his leader.

"You can eat your food, while we ride, of course if Bombur hasn´t eat all of it yet."- Thorin smirked at her evilly and the company snickered at her offended expression.

Thorin then do something unexpected, he pulled her close to him, and whisper on her ear.

"Do something stupid that delays or threatens our quest, and I swear I will leave you in the first town I see, being either human or globin"

With that said, Thorin dropped his hold on her making her almost fall backwards. He smiled satisfy at her angry twitching face, and proceed to ride.

"Good luck Miss Carazyn"- He said and ride away from her standing form.

The rest of the dwarfs snicker at the scene and proceed to pay each other their bet depts.

Lulla´s eye twitched as all the dwarfs began to pass by her angry form and heard their snickers.

_God Damn it, Fucking Thorin asshole I hate you, I hate you. Can it be worse?_

Then she felt something being tossed at her, it was plate with the leftovers of what she guess were scramble eggs….Her scramble eggs. She looked up to see Bombur who just shrugged and left. She heard the rest of the dwarfs laugh at her; she scoffed and threw the useless food.

"Well it wasn´t that bad"- Valentino said motioning his head for her to ride him.

"Shut up, did you see that Thorin asshole´s face?!"- Lulla whispered low enough for no one but them to hear.

"At least we are in"- Tino said.

She was about to say something but spotted Gandalf passed by her, him already riding his horse. Lulla´s face lightened and quickly went to thank him.

"Gandalf, I want to thank you for helping me getting in, I don´t know how you did it but thank you"

Gandalf turned around to meet the human´s brown eyes. He smiled gently.

"No problem Miss, I was not letting your hard work be in vain"

Lulla smiled happy that the good wizard was nice to her.

"But"-Gandalf stops his horse to look at Lulla seriously at the eye. Lulla´s smile faded.

_Oh shit he went into serious mode- Lulla thought_

"You lied and I know it"- Gandalf looked seriously at Lulla.

_Oh shit!- She mentally cursed_

"I don´t know what are talking of, sir I have told nothing but true"

"It won´t work Lulla, you may have fool the others but I know you are hiding something."-Gandalf simply state much to the girl´s horror

"I don´t know what is it, but if you are not willing to tell me, you can be sure I will find out"- Gandalf said at the now pale girl in front. He gave her a smile before continuing riding.

Lulla was left speechless, she dropped her head, and Tino seeing he wouldn´t receive any further instruction decided to follow the Company before both were left behind.

**===============Back to the Normal POV=============**

_What the hell was that! Oh my God! Of all the people Gandalf has to be the suspicious of me! Now what?_

"So let me see if I got it, we are on the Company, on a quest that most likely will get you kill, Thorin hates you, most of the dwarfs in here think you are insane, Gandalf knows you are lying and you won´t eat until later?"

"Well thanks Valentino you really know how to cheer anyone up!"- I sarcastically and silently said at the bear.

"Hey kid, you wanted to be here, we are here"

"Not like the way I wanted"- I snapped

"Nothing will be exactly like we want"

"Well this is nothing like I want!"

_Nothing_

"Yes it is, we are on the Company aren´t we?"

"God damn it Valentino! You just like to…"

"Lady"

_Damn it_

"Yes?"

"I have no problem with going a bit slower, but if you don´t hurry and ride closer to us you might get lost"

I took a deep breath and make an effort to answer without shouting. " I´ll be there in a minute"

Gandalf nodded and continued riding.

"Listen I.. I´m sorry, it´s just that I wanted to.. you know being…"

"Instantly accepted?"

"Yeah…"

"Well sometimes it doesn´t work that easy, anyway we are here we are in the mission you will have plenty of time to be with them and getting along"

"Well thanks Valentino that's really nice of you.."

"Unless we get kill soon because of your lack of fighting skills"

"You just can´t say something nice without ruining it, right"

"It´s my charm kid, now let's hurry or we get kick out"

Valentino quickly speed his pace, until we had reach Gandalf´s side.

"Oh Lady, I see you made it fast"

"I did"

"Very well"- The wizard smile at me as we continue riding. Some of the dwarves glanced at my direction to check if I was still here. As soon as they saw I was there they turned back. I took a deep breath.

Well it was certainly not what I expect but at least I was here, and I was planning to make the best of it.

_Yeah who cares if Thorin doesn´t like me, I am here for adventure, and I won´t be easily beaten. Besides is not that bad I am not the only outcast Bilbo is one too and…_

I glance at the hobbit just two meters before me, he seem rather uncomfortable riding the pony. I smiled to myself and decided to catch up with him.

_Well since I´m the outcast here, perhaps I should try befriending the outcast._

"Hey"- I said as I reached to his side.

"Oh… W-well hello Miss Carazyn"- Bilbo said a bit startle by my presence.

"Just call me Lulla, no need for formalities"- I said and smile at him. He nodded.

"You don´t mind if I ride by your side, right?"- I asked and gave him puppy eyes.

"N-no of course not-t Miss… I mean Lulla"

"Thank you"- I bowed and smirked proudly at him.

He looked away, probably a bit nervous. I had forgotten how shy he was. Well he was nice enough and we were both the spoiled wealthy bastards. So better break the ice now.

"So you are from Hobbiton right?"

"Yes, yes I am"

"I have been there"

"Really?"

"Yep, I stole some clothes from Lobelia Baggins"

Bilbo´s face was priceless. I laugh as I started to tell the story (Of course inventing an excuse for my need of clothes other than saying the true one). I could tell Bilbo didn´t like her very much; by the way he discreetly evilly smiled every now and then when I told her how angry she was.

Yep , I was beginning to enjoy this, maybe this wouldn´t be that bad, maybe eventually the group will accept me, maybe I won´t actually get kill and maybe Kili will actually fall for me!

_Or maybe they will just wait until I sleep to throw me to a hole and run _

Meh I am thinking too much. Well first things first, survive the journey and most importantly:

Do not screw things over.

I continued chatting and telling my story, Gandalf glanced at us and gave us a curious look, along with a smile.

Bilbo chuckled when made an imitation of Lobelia´s bitchy voice.

_Yep Life is Awesome._

Then I heard a fart and an awful smell came along.

"Valentino!"

"Sorry kid, better out than in"

_Fuck My Life!_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**A/N: I bet you all thought I was going to leave this story. Well wrong, I am not leaving this any soon. Sorry the lateness but, well I didn´t had time, but no worries I have got back my motivation and I am going to be quicker.**

**Tell me what you think :D**

**Reviews help the motivation and so those chocolate, but you can´t get chocolate here so I will stay with the reviews.**

**Until next chapter!**

**PS: I will be changing the story's name to : Be careful what you wish for on Wednesday 5 Feb, just so you know and you don´t have trouble finding it **

**Bye Bye**

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The downsides of being a Lulla Flower **

**Obnoxious POV**

Well since the Original POV is very busy suffering, it will be me who takes care of today´s chapter. What can I say I love the spotlight!

Haha well it sure has been a crazy week on the new life of our Lulla. First she got sucked inside her own bed and landed on the Shire, just to discover her plushie had come to live in a form of a 450kg Grizzly Bear. She stole clothes from the very own Lobelia Baggins, just in time to loose Bilbo. Our heroes had to pass by two days of hunger, robbing and childish arguing. Valentino got Lulla poisoned with paralyzing blueberries. He left her to her luck (and stupidity) and Lulla had to contrive to survive the attack of three trolls and a thunderstorm. She made it by miracle just to get herself poisoned, yet by another plant. After a few hours she was found higher than Sauron´s tower by no others than Gandalf, Bilbo, Fili and Kili. After making Kili uncomfortable, Lulla passes out and wakes up to make up some background story. She manages to enter, much to Thorin´s displeasure, and earns Thorin´s dislike and Gandalf´s suspicion. Though in the end it looks like she makes friend with the Halfling or at least that´s what she thinks.

So what could possibly go wrong now that she finally made it inside the Company? With her inside, possibly everything.

But don´t take my words for fact; instead see for yourselves how her last days had been.

So sit down, close the tabs, close the porn, grab your favorite food and enjoy the compilation of "The downsides of being a Lulla Flower" (Especially on Thorin´s company)

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**1) The Deadly Mornings**

You see young Lulla has never been a morning person, like most people at her age, but hell she needs to have that much guts to dare to oversleep on Thorin´s Company. Just watch this.

It had been a day after she joined them, it was morning now, everybody was already breakfasting and Lulla was still not wakening up.

"Lulla"- Said Bilbo. "Lulla wake up"- He tries pocking softly the young human´s arm.

He had been trying that already, for about ten minutes. Fili and Kili get curious and decide to join.

"She hasn´t woke up yet?"-Asked Fili

"Throw some water to her"-Said Kili as he smiles evilly to his brother.

"We already did that"- Answered a really impatient Gandalf.

"Really? She must be a heavy sleeper then"- Fili says in surprise, as he takes a look to the laying form of the young human.

"Lulla is time to wake up now"-Bilbo tried once more.

"Shut up"- Lulla groaned sleepily and turned her body the other side.

Fili tries by kicking her leg softly. She groans but no more response is given. Thorin looks from distance while he eats comfortably his breakfast. He groans.

"If she doesn´t wake up by the time we are ready, we will leave her here"-Thorin says, looking at Gandalf.

Gandalf didn´t knew if Thorin was being serious, but he didn´t hesitates and proceeds to shake the young girl´s shoulder. There was no response.

"What is wrong with this girl, no one can be that heavy sleeper"- Gandalf says in frustration.

Valentino, who was watching the scene from the distance, chuckles lightly.

"Noobs"- He says

Valentino stood up, getting the attention of the males and walks on two legs towards the human. He lifted her in one movement with both paths above his head.

The members of the group watch the animal´s actions, a bit disturbed by them and by the fact that the girl was still peacefully asleep. They carefully watch the bear, not sure if what it was doing was either a good or bad thing.

"3…2…1"

And with that, the grizzly bear tossed Lulla´s body back to the floor.

"Mother Fu…!"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**2) There are no toilets on Middle Earth**

"Pst Bilbo…Bilbo"- Lulla whispers softly.

"What is it, Lulla?"

"I need to go…"

"Go where?"

"You know go…"

"Where?"

"Bilbo please!"

"I am sorry but really, I don´t know what you mean"

"You know! GO"- Lulla says not resisting anymore her bladder´s pressure –"You know as in urinate!"

"Ohh"- Bilbo blushes in embarrassment.

"Could you please make sure nobody gets near that rock?"- Lulla says pointing at a giant rock a few meters away.

"Yes, yes of course"- Bilbo says awkwardly

"Thank you!"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**3) There is no toilet paper on Middle Earth**

"Damn it this feels so much better!"- Lulla says in pure bliss.

"No need for graphic information, thank you very much"-Valentino says from beside the other side of the rock.

"Whatever, ummm Valentino…"

"What?"

"What do people use to clean themselves on here?"

"Umm….."-Valentino starts.- "Well you know…"

Lulla thought I for a minute until….

"OH HELL NO!"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**4) Middle Earth makes your hair frizzy**

_God Damn it! Stupid tangles, stupid hair! What the hell is wrong with you? Why don´t you cooperate!- _Thought young Lulla as she tries to brush her hair with her own fingers

"Agghhh!"-Shouts Lulla in frustration

"Is something wrong?"- Bilbo turns around to meet the girl riding behind him.

"Sorry it's just that I can´t untangle my hair"

_Come on its just have been some days it's not supposed to be that tangled.- Thought a very frustrated Lulla._

Bilbo half smiled at the girl, as he felt sympathy for her. She was not having an easy time, just as him, she was used to commodities, and this journey had taken them away from them.

"Aww I should have stolen a hairbrush when I was on town!"- She whined

_And toilet paper- She thought as she shrugged in remembrance of the recent event._

"Come on stupid hair cooperate!"- Lulla says as she pulls more harshly her hair.

"You know…. You shouldn´t do that.."- Bilbo tries, seeing the brutality Lulla was using to pass her fingers threw her long brown hair.-"You could really…"

"Aaaagh!"- Lulla screams bloody murder, as soon as she accidently tore a really big amount of her locks.

"Tore your hair…"

All the company turned their attention to her, Lulla was still shouting and still trying to remove the locks from her hand, ending on her accidently slapping Bilbo´s pony, making the little animal stand up and wince, and for consequence, makes Bilbo fall backwards. The animal ran to the woods and Thorin was practically fuming.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**5) Personal Hygiene Problems…**

"May I ask you a question?"- Asks a really curious Lulla to an equally curious Gandalf.

"Sure, lady, anything"

"When do you guys take a bath?"

"Ummm…."

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**6) Wood**

It was beginning to get dark, and everybody was preparing to settle the camp. Fili and Kili where collecting the wood, while Lulla was sitting down on a corner giving her eyes a really good visual feast of Fili´s handsome face and strength as he begins to lift a huge piece of trunk.

_Damn Kili, nature was really kind to you… such strength, such face, oh my god your laugh! Damn it why you have to be so delicious! We should move to some cabin on Canada, you would be my sexy woodsman husband! We would spend our nights by the fire as you and I begin to explore…_

"What are you smiling at?"- Thorin raises an eyebrow at the blushing girl before him. His voice makes her slightly jump.

"Thorin! I-I- I w-was just…"

"You know what, forget it"- Thorin rolls his eyes at the useless human before him.-"Now why don´t you something productive and go for some wood instead of just sitting here"

"Of course Thorin!"- Lulla almost salutes, and runs as fast as she can away from the Dwarf´s King.

_Damn it! I need to stop doing that I will get in trouble one of these days! Now let's see wood, wood, Oh there is one!_

Lulla smiled as she saw some branches laying by the side of the three. She begins to grab each of them, until her arms are full of the wood. Lulla begins to make her way to towards the company, when suddenly she spots a bigger piece of wood just a few inches away from a bush.

Lulla thought it for a moment, until a wild idea came to her head.

_Perhaps this could be my opportunity to show I am better explorer than they see._

She approaches to the piece of wood. It was no that huge, but it was long enough, maybe a bit too much. She tries to lift it, to her surprise it was heavier than she gave credit to. She tries and tries, her face turning red with each effort.

"Need some help?"

Lulla´s heart almost jumps out of her chest; she lost hold on her log and dropped it. She turns around and to her horror, finds Kili.

"Oh, Kili hehe, no thank you I am fine"- Lulla quickly turns around and tries to grab it again.

_Come on, it isn´t that hard…._

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah I am fine"- Lulla lies

She finally, with some help of her right leg gets to lift it. She kept it to her arm level. She smiles and quickly turns around to try to impress Kili.

"You see I did it just fine…..Oh my, Kili I am sorry!"- Lulla panics as she accidently hit Kili on the stomach with her log.

"Damn it!"- Kili groans off air and he holds his stomach.

Lulla suddenly felt the need to be swallowed by a troll.

"Kili, I´m so sorry!"

"It is… alright".

_If there is any hungry troll out there please eat me now_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**7) Careful what you say while sleeping**

It was morning again, and everybody was breakfasting, everybody except by a still sleeping Lulla.

"Hasn´t she woke up yet?"- Thorin asks annoyed

"No, she is still sleeping"- Gandalf says, as he shakes his head.

"Why hasn´t the beast woken her up yet?"

"Because the bear is also sleeping…"-Gandalf calmly anwers.

Actually Valentino was already woken up, but in order for him not to deal with the company, he decided to pretend sleeping until Lulla decided to wake up.

Thorin sighs.

"Kili, Fili , go and wake her up, and use whatever method is need to do so"-Thorin says and half smiles evilly at himself.

Kili and Fili nod, and smirk at the idea too.

Fili and Kili approached to her sleeping form, which was comfortably leaning against the Bear´s side.

"Hmm Kili… you look so handsome today.."-Lulla speaks.

Fili snickers at Kili´s face.

"Kili please stop…hehe you know we can´t do this right now...

Fili was having a hard time to control his laugh.

"Come here and give me some…MMHHH"- Lulla´s phrase could not be finish since Valentino quickly shoved part of his paw inside the human´s mouth, making her immediately wake up, and cough on disgust, just to find an awkwardly smiling Fili and Kili, and an annoyed look on Tino. Her face widen in horror as soon as she realize what happen and what she probably had said during her sleep.

The poor human´s face was redder than an apple.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**8) Old Friend**

"Umm what do you have on your head?"

"What, Oh that"-Lulla said pointing at the furry animal on her head.-"He is Traitor"

"The one you told me about?"

"Yep, the sneaky beast almost gave me a heart attack, just a while ago, and looks like he finds my head comfortable"

Bilbo looked like he was about to say something but beginning to understand the girl´s natures decides shrug it. Traitor began to snuggle on Lulla´s head probably preparing to sleep.

_Bastard- Lulla thought_

"Human…"

As soon as she turns around she finds a not happy looking Thorin. He looks at her and then at the animal in her head. Lulla grinned.

"His name is Traitor"

Thorin rolls his eyes.

_For Durin, please give me the strength- Thought Thorin_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**9) Being the Only woman on a pack full of men**

The company had made a pause to rest for a bit. Lulla, feeling happy to finally get a rest, quickly gets off Valentino. During all that day she had been feeling a prickling sensation on her leg, so she quickly takes advantage of the rest and proceeds to check her leg. Meanwhile Valentino goes off to look for some berries.

Since the pants she chose were baggy from the leg area she didn´t have any problem on lifting the fabric up to half her thigh. She was so focused on checking for any insect bite, that she did not notice some of the dwarves and hobbit staring at her. Some like Bofur, liking the view of the well toned leg, while others like Bilbo respectfully avoided the stared. Lulla concludes it was probably for riding that long, so in order to wake her leg up, begins to lift it up and down.

Bilbo coughs in order to stop her doing it further. Lulla quickly turns to him.

"What were you attempting to do, human?"-Thorin growls angrily.

"What? Oh this?"-Lulla puts down her leg. "My leg was prickling, probably from riding that long, I was just stretching it"

"Ah… alright then"-Thorin clears his throat.

Lulla not understanding decides to ask.

"What? What did you thought I was doing?"

"Nothing"-Thorin quickly answers.-"Everybody rest, we still got a lot to move"

Fili clears his throat too, as he and everybody turned their heads to do anything else.

That's when Lulla finally gets it.

_Oh fuck… _

She had forgotten how in that era, any kind of length of leg exposition was considered porn. Even if she haven´t showed more, than any shorts on her world would.

_Fuck… I just showed leg to Thorin´s Company…..which by this era standards is almost like if I got naked… Fuck… well at least I did not show a hairy leg…. I guess I have to thank Aunt Silvia for that wax depilation... Hehe WAIT? DOES THAT MEAN KILI SAW My Shaved leg too?! DAMN IT! FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE….l_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**10) Why didn´t the apple just killed me?**

Young Lulla was now collecting some apples, since Thorin thought she was doing nothing productive but staring at "nothing", he decided to send her off for food.

Lulla found a tree with good looking apples. She, in order to get the reddest of them, attempts to climb the three. Since the three had a lot of branches it was not that hard to climb. With each apple she grabbed, she carefully dropped them inside the basket. Traitor soon joined her, and decided to sit by the basket He was about to chew an apple when suddenly Lulla landed beside it, scaring the poor rodent to the bush.

When the creature saw it was just her, he decides to join her and curl by her side. Lulla smiles at the rodent.

"You wanted to grab one of these didn´t you?"

The squirrel just scratches its head cutely.

"Al right I will let you have one"- Lulla says and gives one to the small creature.-"I am done here, perhaps we should stay here for a bit, just to piss off Thorin."

Lulla chuckled evilly, and decides to grab an apple. She looked at it, it was so red and shiny, it reminded her of Snow White´s poisoned apple. Wow, the whole setting reminded her of the fairy tale, the forest, animals following her, and she living with dwarfs. She chuckled at the irony.

"Then what this apple is poisoned too?"- Lulla says no one in particular.

And as soon a she says that a flying cockroach pops from her apple and fly above her head.

"Bloody Murder!"-Lulla shouts in horror and quickly throws the apple away from her.

When she turns around she finds a really pissed Thorin with a crushed apple on his chest.

"Perhaps, searching for food is too difficult for you…"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo**

**11) That Damn Epic Song**

Not so long from the apple accident, all the Company was now eating their dinner by the flames of the fire.

Lulla was eating it rather peacefully. Not really paying attention at all to her surroundings, not much had happened she heard Kili and Fili trolled Bilbo, then Thorin got upset, and now Gandalf was telling Thorin´s story with the Pale Orc to Bilbo. Normally Lulla would have paid more attention, but she already knew it. Talking subject lead to another Talking subject and nothing really interested Lulla, not until she heard it.

The pines were roaring on the height,  
The winds were moaning in the night.  
The fire was red, it flaming spread;  
The trees like torches blazed with light.

_Damn that epic song!- Lulla thought as she amusedly heard the dwarfs singing ever so synchronize their iconic song._

The bells were ringing in the dale  
And men looked up with faces pale;  
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire  
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

_Damn it, I need to sing it! No Lulla is their song not yours, it will be really disrespectful of you if you do it!_ It´s their moment not yours

The mountain smoked beneath the moon;  
The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.  
They fled their hall to dying fall  
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.

_Must Resist…. Damn it it´s too strong…_

Far over the misty mountains grim  
To dungeons deep and caverns dim

_Fuck…._

We must away, ere break of day,

"To win our harps and gold from him!"- Lulla sings loudly enough to earn the attention of all the dwarfs. All stare at her. Thorin was glaring at her. Lulla suddenly felt really small and chuckles nervously.

"Gim used to sing it all the time…hehe I kind of got touched…hehe oh well just forget about it, and continue, go ahead ignore me… I promise not to interrupt.

_Swallow me earth! Now is your chance!_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Wow really? Seriously I am so happy I am not that kid. Haha oh well this have been all for today, I hope you enjoyed this compilation, us much as I did. Find out what happens next on the next chapter of Stupid Fanfiction.

I hope I can be your narrator on the next episode, if not, screw Original POV, I won´t be doing this anymore. What can I say is either the spotlight or nothing!

Anyway see you all in next chapter! Have a nice week! And leave your review please.

-Obnoxious POV

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

**A/N : Well there goes chapter 5, hopefully you like it. Wow it me less than a week to update! I´m surprise hopefully this will be the beginning of a new tradition. Chapter 6 will be up soon, things will get interesting.**

**Well duty calls must leave now, have a nice week and tell me what you think.**

**Good Night All.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter: Home sweet. Oh shit!**

DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! You know what? I am not even going to continue telling my story, is not worth it! Go! Go ahead and read another fanfiction! Save yourselves from this piece of bad written piece of crap that I like to call my actual life!

You know what? I am done, this story is over! I am not going to continue humiliating myself in front of you assholes just for your pure enjoyment! I tried but seriously you know nothing about life! You know nothing of the horrors of being trapped on Middle Earth! You know nothing of a sore butt thank to sitting down all day, opened legged on an animal. You know nothing about not being availed to wash yourself not even your face, to the point you get used to your own and every male´s odor! You absolutely have no idea OF THE HORRORS OF HAVING TO TAKE A DUMP ON FRIKING NOWHERE AND HAVING TO CLEAN YOUR ASS WITH…. AGHHHHHHH! I don´t even want to go back there!

You know I find it funny how in books and fanfiction they skipped those details, like if no of the people on it had to take a shit! I mean they tell you about the adventure, they tell you about the romance …every face faction, structure and form of the protagonists (and tables and furniture), and even the dirty unnecessary details of those dirty fictions! But never in the history of stories have I heard someone say, after eating: "Guys I need to go and use the tree". What? Do people on fantasy stories also get magical bodies that can just get rid of body fluids by magic? I don´t think so! They all poop you know? I take a shit, Thorin takes a shit, Bilbo takes a shit. Everyone does! I JUST DON´T GET HOW THEY CAN ALL LIVE WITH THEM HAVING TO CLEAN WITH.. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay fine! FINE!

I will just calm myself down and tell you what has happened. Roll the tittle please! Oh they already have okay let´s get over with this…

…

I walked through the halls of a very well-known house. My shoeless feet, with each step, felt the coolness of the clean and white marbled floor I had happened to missed so much. I made my way to the kitchen, my body still shivering from the harsh weather outside, but the closer I was getting to the chimney the more my body began to warm.

I had finally reached the kitchen, its door was closed, I knew who I was going to find inside. I took my deepest breath and pulled the door.

"Hi Mom…it´s been a while"

The emotive woman quickly turned around, her hands still on the dishes.

"Where have you been?!"-My mother shouted frantically.

"Um…around… helping people save the…world. Sorry mom, I know it's hard to believe but.."

I was suddenly interrupted, by my mother´s effusive hug.

"It's okay…sweetie. You are back that's what matters"-She said and gave me a sweet smile.

Well that was certainly not the reaction I expected from a overly dramatic mother that would go crazy the second I did not answer her first call. But It make me happy that she was taking it well.

"And just in time for New Year´s Eve!"- She said all happy.

Well I can complain with that much easiness.

"Cool! Need some help?"

"Yes actually, now, could you please cut the vegetables over there?"

"I´m on it!"- I said and quickly began to peel the potatoes. My mom turned around and continued washing the dishes. "Um mom… we are going to make a lot of food right?"

"Well only the usual"

"Um I think we are going to need a lot more than the usual""

"Why?"

"Because… during my… absence I…"

My phrase could not be finish since out of the closed door, a herd of dwarfs, hobbit and wizard had fallen to the room, the door with them.

My mother was speechless, she turned to look at me and then to the men on her floor.

"Mom, these are Thorin, Fili, Kili, Gandalf, Bilbo, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Gloin, Oin, Dori, Ori and Nori. Thorin, Fili, Kili, Gandalf, Bilbo, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Gloin, Oin, Dori, Ori and Nori, she is my mother"-

_Whoa I said that without stammering!_

I turned to look at my still perplexed mother.-"I told them I would invite them for New Year, I hope you don´t mind."

"No! is …okay… um.. I just need to make...more food"

"Oh we can help!"- Said a really enthusiastically Ori, making everyone turned around to look at him. Most of the male shrugged at the suggestion.

"In whatever we can assist you ma'am "- Said the authorial Thorin, and I don´t know if it was the light or whatever but I swear I saw my mother blushed.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

It was the most awkward / lovely scene I ever had to participate in. My mother´s side family and Thorin´s Company were dinning on the same room, on the same table, and despite the strangeness, all my family was enchanted with the dwarf´s charisma. We were all sharing our adventures we had on our journey, and my family was listening amusedly. Bilbo was by my side and Kili by the other.

The lovely night went on, by 10:30 the dwarfs had already 6 drinks, and by eleven Kili and I had announced our engagement. Surprisingly my family took it very well, despite of me being only eighteen and haven´t yet finished my studies, but after telling how we defeated a fierce dragon and retrieve a whole race their land, studies weren´t much of importance now. Hell even my granny after seeing Kili, just winked at me and gave me thumbs up and even told me "well done gran-daughter". We all toasted and ate. And Oh my god the food was delicious, it was like the greatest feast I tasted on years, I had really missed my homeland food.

Then it finally came 11:45, my mother and aunts had finished doing their rituals, we were just now waiting to make the countdown. I decided to get ahead of myself, and went to the kitchen to grab the grapes.

Everything was doing great. All of the grape them were already on the bowl. I quickly grabbed it and went straight to the door, but before I could reach it was quickly slammed closed.

"What the ?"

"Happy New Year Looser"

And then my hold world froze. As soon as I heard that mocking voice, the only voice that I knew it could only belong to someone, that same someone that got me into that impossible trouble, I knew nothing good would happen.

I turned around and found her sitting on the table. There she was, with her blonde hair, leather black jacket and sick smile.

"What are you doing here?"- I questioned, trying to sound brave and unafraid. She had nothing to make me afraid of right? After all I had defeated Smaug!

"Ending my story of course"-She said as she bite a green apple and look tauntingly at me.

"What?"- I asked, completely taken aback by the answer.

She chuckled at my ignorance and took another bite from the green fruit.

"You see looser, I have always hate happy and cheesy endings, they always bored me"- She look from the apple to me,-"So I decided to make things right and change this ending!"

She ate the rest of the apple on a big bite. Her actions and words making me clearly understand the message. I gulped and she smirked at me.

"Ever heard of the _everyone dies ending?"_

Everything in the atmosphere had changed, it wasn´t anymore funny or jolly, it was sinister, dark and creepy, just like the night I was send to Middle Earth.

I waste no time as soon as everything in the kitchen began to levitate and her dark chanting had begun. I was already on the door, but of course she snapped it closed and locked.

"MOM! KILI THORIN GANDALF ANYONE!"-I screamed for dear life, as I practically slammed myself to the wooden door.

_SHIT the stove is on; shit the food is flying everywhere! Why is the light red?! This bitch is going to send me to hell! How can Mighty Gandalf haven´t sense this yet?! God how can MY MOTHER Haven´t sense this! Come on people, there is a whole voodoo chant orchestra in here!_

Luckily God still loved me in that moment, so out of the blue the door was open, making me fall with it to the floor. I ignored any scrap on my knees and start to run to the living room again.

"Gandalf, Thorin, she is back! She is..."- I stopped on my tracks as soon as I saw the scene on my living room. Everyone exactly everyone had their back turned to me, making it impossible for me to see their faces.

"Emm mom? Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom! Mother mommy! Ma! Ma! Mommy, mother!"

"Yes sweetie?"-She said and I screamed bloody murder as soon I saw her face. Her pretty features were now gone, and replace by a terrifying and putrefied, zombified body. My stomach pinched at the image.-"What's wrong you don´t like your mother´s new look? But everyone is using it now"

At her words, everyone had turned around allowing me to see their putrefied bodies. Every single member of my family and company was disgusting to see.

"Oh god Kili what have they done to your face!"-I screamed completely horrified.

The lights turned red once more, and the evil spirit vaporized before my eyes, her sick evil smile planted on her face.

"You sick bastard!"- I screamed at her.

"Well thank you looser, I always love compliments, now time to tide some knots. Don´t forget to send me a postal from hell"- She sneered at me.-"All yours my friends"

And with a snap she was gone, and left me to a herd of hungry zombies. They all ran rabidly at me and without knowing Thorin had snapped my arm off.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

I snapped my eyes wide open. I was above Valentino and I was still riding him. I turned around to find green forests and dwarfs riding ponies. Bilbo was still riding by my right and I must been asleep for a really small amount of time cause he was still telling me how his last summer festival went. He looked at me and asked me if I was alright, I smiled and told him to continue. He shrugged it and continued. I sighed. It was the third time I slept while riding, today. I guessed I had to thank Mighty Thorin for that, he made us woke up extra early because "We were days belated".

_Of course it was all a dream! How could I have possibly imagined that this nightmare was over, how could I be so dump to think I had already finished my adventure, let alone survived it, let alone me bravely defeated Smaug, and for God sake had been engaged to Kili. Hahaha silly me I even had the nerve to believe I was back at home soon enough for New Year´s Eve…Ugh my home…. I wonder if I ever…_

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Bilbo´s voice; I think he was asking me if I ever had that feel. Not really knowing what he was talking about I nodded and smiled at him. He continued talking and I paid little to no attention. Okay normally I would have listen to him, but today I was feeling really moody. I don´t know maybe I was starting to get homesick. HAH JUST HOMESICK? Really? I was HomeInfected! You know what kind of shit I have to go through the last days?! I think I already told you that, and believe me I won´t go back to that repressed memories again!

But really! Today was the fourth day since I joined the Company, and for the last three days I have been doing nothing but humiliate myself, annoy Thorin, hit Kili with a trunk…and chat with Bilbo. Nothing interesting had happen and today had been no exception, other than us getting as I said before extra early thanks to Thorin´s assholeness and getting soaked wet thanks to the rain Gandalf so kindly did not stopped.

Really! Nothing good has happened to me! Other than befriending Bilbo, which I am really grateful, if it wasn´t for him or Valentino I would have probably already left this (Metaphorical of course because, I CLEARLY DON´T KNOW IF I WILL EVER GO BACK). Oh God I can believe I actually succeed in befriending him, at first it was me mostly doing the talking, but with time I actually got to make him talk too. We actually got along really fast. I guess it's because, as I said before, he as much of an outcast as me, and we are both the wealthy bastards. And also I know how to deal with shy guys, but now that I think of it he isn´t really a shy guy…

Despite of that, to be honest I am getting tired and exhausted, I haven´t had a decent food, and even though I am a heavy sleeper, trying to go to sleep while you hear Bombur´s T-rex snores it's as easy as trying to read your favorite book on Korean and upside down. AGHHHH! And then Thorin complains about my oversleep issues, how can he expect me to get up early if I can only fall asleep till 2:00 am, when my body completely gives up and decides to ignore all of their beastly snores!

I took a deep breath as I felt my moodiness began to increase to angst, and took a look to my surroundings; it was oh surprise… another forest. I am beginning to hate forests.

_Fucking Trees from hell, how I wish I had a chainsaw so I could chop you all off mothetruckers… Stupid Gandalf my boots are still wet, I hope I don´t develop fungus on my feet… Stupid fucking Grizzly your wake up routines have produce me several bruises… No wonder why bears are hunted… Stupid dwarfs and their stupid manly odor… Stupid Douche Thorin riding his shitty pony as he was all that mighty and awesome, what a looser, my bear is more fucking awesome than your stupid pony. UUUUUUGH CAN´T YOU JUST SHUT UP STOMACH? _

_God I would kill for some soda and potato chips! Aww my mother used to prepare the most delicious dip! And her baked potatoes…her speciality…Mom… Haven´t thought of them since I came here, well excluding today´s freaky dreams…I wonder what she and Granny are doing now….Judging by the days it has already been New Year…I wonder what food they made today…what did they do this year…what crazy rituals did my mom attempted to do…Oh god.. Snapped out of it! We can´t think of them now! We are here for adventure! Besides we don´t know if we ever…_

_HA-HA very funny! Adventure gee if cleaning my ass with those things and not showering myself is what an adventure is called, then I wish I never had come here! GOD WHY?UUGHH! I mean don´t get wrong I am still grateful for these, well half grateful well… AGHHH! If at least Kili was falling for me, or if at least Thorin didn´t treat me like a burden! OR God if at least I knew what was going on! I mean god! It has been four days by now and the troll fight haven´t take place yet! I mean how long will I have to be on alert mode? On movies they cut off the days, and just put a video compilation of people walking for a minute… and then BOOM It has been a month and you didn´t even notice, they just tell you " Hey remember when we met a month ago? And you are like: What the hell? A month already? They never specifically tell you what happens during that time they just show you the clips! And thanks to that every second I am at open field in here is a surprise, I am not prepared. God! I am starting to think the troll scene was like 2 months later…_

I was so into my own internal rant, that I didn´t notice, when we had stopped riding, when we had start camping and when Gandalf had start leaving … No wait what? WHAT?!

I immediately stopped on my tracks.

"Gandalf where are you going?-Asked a concerned Bilbo.

_Oh no…_

"To seek the company of the only one around here who got any sense"

_Please no…_

"And who is that?

_No don´t do it! I banned you from saying those words!_

"Myself Mr. Baggins!"- And with that the greyish wizard was gone.

I immediately felt my body go pale.

_Oh Shit, Holy beans NO NO NO! This is not happening!_

"Come on Bombur we are hungry"- I heard Thorin said, completely unaffected by the protest movement.

"Is he coming back?"- Asked Bilbo to Balin.

"Yeah! Is he coming back?!"- I asked completely alarmed and joining my short friend.

Balin shrugged.

Bilbo and I turned to see each other. I panicked.

_No no no no no! __Hell no! Gandalf can´t leave just now! Practically Bilbo and he are the only ones who I get along with! I mean yes he said he was suspicious about me, but that didn´t seem to affect us, god he didn´t even tell Thorin about it! Besides if he leaves then that means that the Troll Part is not far from happening! Okay calm down girl you got this I mean, you still have Bilbo and Gandalf will come back later, and besides you have a 450kg bear to protect you and is not like he is leaving too!_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO**_

"What do you mean you are leaving!"- I shouted at the stupid backstabber Grizzly in front of me.

He hit his face in despair and turned around to look at the dwarfs.

"Why you always have to be so loud!"- He said to me, like I gave a fuck of the dwarfs glancing at us.

"Like I care! You stupid backstabber!"- I said this time a bit lower.

"Listen kid I´m sorry but I do have some duties to attend"

"What duties?! You are a bear in Middle Earth! For God´s Sake what kind of duties would you have?!"

"Mating Season"- He said as it was the everyday answer.

I was completely undignified.

"Mating season?! Really? You are going to ditch me in one of the most important days to have sex with some bear you met?! "

"I can´t help it is the season and on my bear instincts, kid!"

"You do realize you weren´t a real bear right?!"

"I am one now and one with pretty hard to ignore instincts"-He looked apologetically at me, but I knew he have nothing apologetically in him."-Sorry kid, I wouldn´t leave if I had another option but Mother Nature is evil, I got to go"

"You do realize I hate you right?

"I knew you would understand"- He said and ruffled my hair with its paw. "Don´t worry I will be back here sooner than you think!"

"Don´t dare to talk to me!"

"Bye kid, love you!"- Tino said before flashing me one of his stupid smiles. I knew that bastard was enjoying every moment I stay here.

He stopped in his tracks, and for a moment I thought he would come back. He turned around and I smiled.

_I knew you would never leave me!_

"By the way, don´t worry about the trolls I´m sure you´ll do just fine, after all you got the abilities… oh wait that's me hahahaha!"- And with that he left the place, running like pony and leaving a very fuming angry me behind.

"Fucking Useless Bear…"- I muttered under my breath. I turned around to find Thorin, looking at me.

"What?!"-I asked

"The fire is not going to be made by itself, go and grab some wood human"

_I fucking hate my life….._

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Well it wasn´t that bad, it was night already and there were no signs of the trolls. I was starting to think these wouldn´t be nothing but another boring night… Actually it was kind of it, since I didn´t have nor my useless bear for comfort, or the Wizard for support and I was still kind of moody, I had to limit myself to stay quiet and try to not make something stupid.

The rest of the evening, was me practically following Bilbo around like, literally, if he stood up I would stood up. If he went for mushrooms I would be the first to say "I´ll go too". I felt like a little girl following his daddy at the supermarket in order for her not to get lost. He didn´t seem to mind though, but I did, it was weird and to some point creepy. But I couldn´t help it if I was feeling homesick, moody and angsty and if I was left alone I was going to cry and hell no, I wasn´t going to cry there! Not in Middle Earth not in front of the manly men and their beards, I mean bad enough was that I was bad with surviving, I didn´t have to prove any other woman stereotype and specially to Thorin.

"Is been a long time"

"Relax Bilbo"- I said from behind him, because of course, I was following him again. My words didn´t seem to calm him though.-"Gee Bilbo is not like he is going to go forever!?"

"Who?"- Asked Bofur when we came for our plate.

"Gandalf"-Said my overdramatic hobbit.

I rolled my eyes.

"He is a wizard he does as he chooses"- Said the happy Bofur as he poured some soup on the bowl.

"Yeah Bilbo is not like will ditch us, just like that"- I said and put my comforting hand on his shoulder.

_Unlike a certain bear I would know…_

Bilbo looked at me and I gave him a smile. Bofur seem to have noticed that and smirked at us.

"Here take this to the lads"-Bofur said and gave two bowls to Bilbo.

"I´ll go with you!"- I immediately said and jogged to Bilbo.

But Bofur immediately grabbed me by the hood and pulled me back.

"Oh no, miss Lulla, I think mister Bilbo can manage himself, you by the other hand need to help me to give this bowls to the others."- He said smiling mischievously at me.

I sighed and got the bowls.

_Okay I give the bowls and then go with Bilbo._

I trotted and gave everyone there bowl, all dwarfs were sitting by the fire. Bofur gave me mine. I smiled and quickly turned around.

"Wait"-Said Bofur.

I gritted my teeth and turned around.

"What's the rush? Come on sit with us Miss Lulla"-Said Balin.

Okay that was completely strange. This was the first time they actually invite me to sit with them, I mean I sometimes eat with them but only if Bilbo was around and then again it was like 2 meters away? I normally ate with Bilbo or Gandalf. I looked from the sender where Bilbo went to the dwarfs, well not like I was going to waste my only opportunity to socialize with them…Bilbo would be fine. If the troll event was going to be today, it would have already passed by now. I sighed and sat next to Bofur, who smiled satisfied at me.

_Yeah what could go wrong?_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

"Yeah it´s not bad Bombur, I have taste worse"- Said Oin

"Yeah Dori could have cooked it"- Added Bofur

"Very funny!"- Said Nori

I laughed at the dwarfs jokes. I had always like to hear their conversations and the stew… well it wasn´t that bad, to this day I had grown quite used to their food, to the point where I thought I wouldn´t know how to differentiate between bad or good.

The conversation subject change, as the stew level did too, until the subject changed strangely to me.

"So Miss Lulla I see you are getting along really well with mister Baggins, is something going on between the two of you?"-Bofur asked in his teasing matter, and for a second I thought I would choke on my stew.

"No! Of course not, we are just friends!- I said.-"What gave you that idea?"

"Oh I just thought, since the two got along really well"

"Well what did you expected, we are both the wealthy unskilled bastards"- I said as I took a slurped from the stew.-"I think we have pretty much some stuff in common"

The dwarfs chuckled by my comment. I smiled too realizing how light the mood was.

"I agree with that Miss Lulla, you haven´t even made the stew once"- Said Bofur

"We are quite curious are you good at cooking?"-Asked Dori

"Well I have not much experience, but I could try, I mean if you don´t mind possible food poisoning"

The dwarfs chuckle again with my comment

"I think we can take the risk, I mean it couldn´t be worse than Nori righ?-Said Bofur

Hey!- Nori complained

We all chuckled at him.

"Besides it would be good to have some feminine touch on the kitchen"-finished Bofur

"I could try but as I said before, its not one of my skills."

"Then what is one of your skills, if you don´t mind me asking?"-Asked Nori

"Oh well, I am very good at sleeping, eating spicy food, and drawing"

"Oh you draw? Are you good?"-Asked Dori

"Not to brag but yes quite much"

"Looks like you have company Ori!"-Said Nori as he elbowed his younger's brother side.

"Oh you draw too?"- I asked curiously at the brown haired dwarf

"He sketches everything in that little note of his!-Said his other brother Dori

"Oh really mind if I see?"

And for some reason the poor Ori went red, but before he could answer Fili and Kili came running.

"what's the matter?"- Asked Thorin, who was leaning beside a tree.

"Some mountain trolls got our ponies, Bilbo is with them"

_Oh shit!_

"Everybody quick!"- Thorin command and the dwarfs quickly grabbed their swords. I felt quite empowered at the moment and ran with enthusiasm with the herd.

Yeah this would be my opportunity. I was going to kick some ass and teach everyone I wasn´t as useless as they seem me to be. Yeah! Today was going to be my day.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

Kili had ran toward the stupid troll and stabbed his leg.

_Oh gosh he is so brave!_

"Drop it!"- He commanded

"You what?"

"I said Drop him!"

_Oh my god you are so awesome please be the dad of my children!"_

All the testosterone roared, as we all ran towards the trolls. Each was fighting with their weapon of choice. They looked so awesome, Thorin, Kili , Fili, Balin and Dori were skillfully fighting with their sword, Dwalin his hammer, Bofur his ax, Bifur his spear, Ori with his slingshot, and the rest with a lot of pointy/heavy weapons that I didn´t knew how to called, but god, they looked so badass with them. I mentally slapped myself out of my fangirl moment and went directly to Bilbo.

"Need some help friend?"- I asked

"Yes help me cut this ropes!"- He told me as we ran to the ponies and dodge the giant feet.

"Hai captain!"- I saluted him

We got to the ponies and both Bilbo and I began to cut the ropes.

_I can´t believe it! We did it! I did it! I made something! Yay, Something productive! This could be the start of something new! And oh shit…_

The Troll guy catch us, as soon as he saw the ponies flee free. He came straight to us, and more specifically straight to Bilbo. I knew what was going to come next so I quickly pulled him forwards to escape from the beast´s grasp, only for it to grab me by my hood and captured me instead.

_That certainly did not went like I planned, but the again when has anything went as I planned? Well at least Bilbo is safe…way to go Lulla._

"Lulla!"-Kili shouted and tried to come at me.

"No!"- Thorin stopped him.

"Lay down your arms or we will rip off hers"

_Well at least is not like Thorin will back off… Oh shit Thorin why haven´t you put down your sword yet….Come on I can´t be that painful to carry! Thorin I am still a girl! And one in distress now!_

I saw Bilbo looked at me worriedly. Kili looked from me to his uncle. Everyone was waiting for his instruction. My arms were starting to ache from the troll´s grasp.

Thorin finally gave in and dropped his sword, so did the others while internally I screamed from joy.

_Well at least he doesn´t hate me to the point of killing me… for now._

"Hey Bert looked!-the troll to my left said, as he got closer to me. –"Isn´t she the dead-human from the other day?

"Oh you are right William, she is"-The Bert guy said.-"Today must be our lucky night"

"Nice to see you again guys…"- I smiled sheepishly at them.

_Too bad no rain was predicted for tonight…_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

So there we were, half of the dwarfs were being spin above the fire while the other half, including Bilbo and I, were on some bags that for some stranger reason where tight enough to retain us.

_So much for New Year…_

"Wait you are making a terrible mistake!"-Said Bilbo as he stood up.-"What you are making with the seasoning"

"What with the seasoning?"-Said Bert

"Well have you smelled them? You´ll need something stronger for when you serve them"

"What?"- The not so bright now, dwarfs complained

"Traitor!"- Others accused Bilbo. Poor buddy I could see the distress on his face.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?"- Asked Tom

"Shut up, and let the burglarobbit talk"- Answered the now intrigue Bert

_What's with the name? Oh I remember now!_

"Em the secret for cooking dwarfs is…

"Yes?

"Em"-Bilbo blabbed as he tried to figure out something.

"Tell us the secret!-Pushed the impatient Bert.

"I´m telling you the secret… the secret is to… skin them first!"-Answered Bilbo with what I guess is the first thing it came to his mind. I heard the dwarfs complained at his treason, I rolled my eyes.

_Come on guys is not that hard to figure out! _

"Tom, get me the filleting knife"-Said Bert enthusiastically.

What a lot of rubbish! I have eat plenty with their skin on!- Said the party pooper Tom

_Well perhaps I put on use my improvisation skills._

"I agree with him on this one Bilbo"- I said deciding to join the party.-"I think the secret to kill odor is to put them on boiling water!"

"You too?"- I heard the dwarfs complained, and just to troll I turned around to them and smiled evilly at them.

"Traitor!"- They called me.

"We have no time to boil water"-Complained Tom

"He is right! Beside there is nothing wrong with a raw dwarf!"-William said as he grabbed Bombur-"Nice and crunchy"

"Eww not that one"-I said in a disgusted matter

"Why?"- Asked the troll

"There is no meat on him just fat and unless you want to spill acid from your behind for a week, I suggest you choose other!"-I said.

The moment William heard this, he immediately dropped the poor orange-hair dwarf.

"Besides he is infected!"-Bilbo added, half smiling at me for joining his game and for most likely been the only one to catch his game!

_And I thought dwarfs were smart!_

"You what?"

"He has worms on his….tubes"- Bilbo said not knowing how to put it.

William getting once more, repulse by our lies, decides to pick Bombur again, only for this time tossed him away from him and into the rest of tied dwarfs. If it wasn´t because this was now, a life dead situation I would half laugh at them.

"In fact they all have they are infested with parasites is a terrible business I wouldn't´ risk it"-Bilbo said more convince on his lie.

"Parasites did they said parasite?!"-Oin argued undignified.

"We don´t have parasites! You have parasites!"- Kili feeling offended exclaimed.

_Oh Kili don´t uncharm me just now!_

I saw Bilbo rolled his eyes in annoyance at the dwarf´s naivety.

_We will be screw if they don´t get the idea by now._

Luckily for us, mighty Thorin had caught our game, soon enough to kick his nephew´s side, in order for him and the others to get the idea. They made a paused and got the message.

"I have parasites as big as my arms!"-Exclaimed Oin.

"I have the biggest parasites!-Kili continued.

Soon all the dwarfs were bragging their biggest parasites. My inner actress decided to play along.

"Ahhhhhh! " –I screamed-"They are moving…. Too strong… they are ripping my insides!"- I pretended like if some alien was moving in my insides and began to twist my body in awkward angles. I began to approach William, the same time I cough disgustingly.

I heard William screeched in repulse at my sight and retreat as I tried to get close to him.

"Help me!"- I whined

"Get off me!"- He said and kicked me. I fell backwards and smile victoriously.

"What would you have us to do then? Let them all go?!-Tom questioned skeptically at Bilbo

_Great! of all the trolls we could have encounter we have to have the pack with the only smart one!_

"Well…"-Bilbo pondered hopefully.

"You think I don´t know what are you up to? This ferret is taking us for fools!"-Tom pointed angrily.

"Ferrets?"- Bilbo questioned, obviously confused by the insult. He turned around to look at me for an answered, I shrugged.

"Fools?!"-Bert also questioned.

"The dawn will take you all!"- I heard said, with the mighty voice I knew it could only belong to one. Oh how happy I was to hear him.

"Who is that?"

"No idea"

"Can we eat him too?"

And with a hit, Gandalf had cracked the rock open, making the light of dawn hit every troll, and in result turning them into stones.

I looked from the now stoned trolls to Gandalf and as he walked to us I found no other than… Valentino. He grinned at me and if it wasn´t because I still had the sack on, everyone would have seen my middle fingers up.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

"You stupid and useless bear! What were you thinking!I could have died! You made me do a fool of myself! What you have to say in your defense huh?

Valentino then abruptly grabbed me, held me close to him and moved his mouth to my ear.

"Valentino is at home"

"You son of a…"

"Let´s move, a troll cave must be near!"- Commanded Thorin

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

There effectively was a cave, and while Nori, Bofur, Nori Dwalin, Thorin and Gandalf decided to explore it, the rest remain outside. from my part remain, ignoring Valentino, but of course the bastard did not seemed to mind at all!And speaking of bastard guessed who was on my head now? Oh no other than traitor.

We saw the dwarfs go outside, and I saw Gandalf approached to both Bilbo and I.

"Bilbo"- Gandalf said and handed the hobbit a sword.-"These is about your size"

Bilbo looked at the sword unsure.

"I can´t take this"-

"It's an elvish sword, which means it will turn blue whenever an orc or a gloin is near"

"Uhhh! You better get that sword Bilbo because if you don´t I will"- I said looking at the well-made sword.

"I never used a sword on my life"

"And I hope you never have to, but if you do remember this, bravery is not about taking a life but to spear it"

These seem to convince Bilbo. He took the sword.

"So what there is no sword for the lady?"- I said looking at Gandalf

"Of course there is, a lady must learn to defend herself"-Gandalf handed me a sword just quite right for my size, it was nice and also pretty light on weight.

"Does it shine or anything?"- I said looking from the sword to Gandalf

Gandalf rolled his blue eyes.

"Just be thankful I got you one!"

I grinned and looked at Bilbo.

"That's not fair your sword is better than mine!"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

The rest of the day passed quite quickly, and since we had been wake up all night, Thorin decided to settle down earlier, and I was quite grateful for that. Well, today had been quite a good day, my moodiness was gone, and by the end of the day, after him begging me all day, I had forgiven Valentino for abandoning me.

"You are the best kiddo!"

"I know I know, so anyway did you had a good time with the she-bear?"

"Oh I never found her"

"What?! You mean that… the trip and abandoning was in ….you know what forget it"- I said not wanting to spoil my good mood.

"You know you love me kid"

"Hey Lulla!"- I turned around to see Bofur.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind giving this to Gandalf?"

"Of course not!"- I said and went straight to look for the wizard.

Bilbo told me he had gone to speak to Thorin. I spotted his grey hat and went straight to him. He was still speaking with Thorin, so I kept my distance. They seem pretty tense, though I could still not figure out the conversation's theme. It passed about 6 seconds before Thorin left the tall wizard. Thorin didn´t seem happy, he passed by me, not giving me a glance, and muttering inaudible things. I met the wizard´s gaze and wave at him. Quickly approached the older man and with a smile gave him his supper.

"Here Gandalf"-I said handing the tall man its supper.

"Thank you Lulla"

"What´s with Thorin? I thought you and him where good now"

"Ah well we certainly are now"-He began.-"Except by one matter"

"And what is that matter?"- I asked curiously

"You"

And with that answer, my good mood began to slip away.

"Me? What is it with me?"- I said trying not to sound offended.

"Well…. I don´t know how to put this Lulla, but Thorin is thinking of dismissing you from the company, permanently."

And that certainly made my good mood vaporize for good.

Oh no no no no shit no way! This is not happening! This cannot be happening! Okay calm down, this misunderstanding might have solution, just calm down and act as the mature 18 year´s old you are. Hold it down and do not slip, do not lose it, don´t lose it don´t lose…shit…

"What?! What´s wrong with him! Is he going to just abandon me after all the journey I made to find him! what's wrong with you people!- I said going on hysteria mode.

"Lulla, calm down"-Gandalf tried-"He hasn´t even made the decision yet he.."

"But he will! Oh I know he will he thinks I am just a whiny girl but…

And with that my rant start showing. I had to give credit to Gandalf though. I think it took a lot volunteer from his part not to hit me with his staff.

"And you!"-I began to point at Gandalf.-"How can you allow this, I thought you were the only one with sense on here !"

"I did not agree with this Lulla!"-Gandalf said a bit louder. " I tried to convince him but you know how stubborn he is, he hasn´t made his mind though so I suggest.."

"I will go and have a word to that haughty dwarf!- I said as I turned around.-"Unbelievable, who he think he is!?"

_The King of dwarfs…_

"No Lulla, he is not in the…"

But it was too late, for I had completely block out any reasonable and wise advice Gandalf have to give me, and ran straight to the Bastard´s face.

I reached the fire; he was eating his supper calmly not aware of my angry face. I approached to him until I was just in front of him, my arms on hips.

"Can I talk to you?"-I said in a severe tone.

Thorin looked up to my angry figure and then to Gandalf who was a few meters away from me. Thorin harden his glare at Gandalf, he clearly knew what I want to talk about.

"I tried…"-Gandalf said apologetically.

Thorin huffed and looked up to me, his glare a lot more severe and annoyed. He stood up on a superior manner and look down to me, however I did not care.

"Fine"- He said dryly.

We both left, all the dwarfs´ eyes and Bilbo´s on us. Bilbo tried to ask what was going on but I heard Gandalf stopped him from following me.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

"Really! Thorin I knew you were arrogant but I never thought you would be this way!"

"Don´t dare to questioned my decisions human, you know nothing and I only want the best for this quest"

"Then why? Why you are ditching me? Because I am not dwarf that's it? That's your problem?"

"That has nothing to do"

"Then why it is because of the trolls right? Listen Thorin you can really blame me for that it was my first battle, I mean no one is perfect, I don´t think you had it all right during your first battle!"

"The trolls has nothing to do nor your species nor your lack of abilities"

"Then what is it!? I have done nothing!"

"Exactly you have done nothing, and that human is the problem, we don´t need to carry burdens around!"

I stood silence. To some extend he had a point and a real good one.

"You have contributed nothing to this company since you came here; we are the ones who have to wake you up, to cook food, and to save you! You said you want to join this company because you want to help and to have an adventure, but all you have do lately is waste time, food, and complain, you contribute nothing to here! So I have no reason to maintain you! So be prepare human next time I see an habitable place, you will stay there!

_No I was not all he say! I knew I was better than he gave me credit and it was true I haven´t done much around, but that doesn´t mean I can´t. I can help around! God I will, Nobody speaks trash about me!_

"You won´t dare!"

These seem to taken aback the dwarfs´ king.

"Now listen to me Thorin I didn´t made the trip from Arnor to you, just for you to tell me I am useless. From now on you will meet another face from me! And I swear Thorin Oakenshield you will regret your words!"

There was a long pause between the two of us, Thorin didn´t seem to like my tone of voice, I was ready for him to snapped at me, but what he said next really take me by surprise.

"Well then, prove it and if you manage to prove yourself worthy of staying I´ll change my opinion"- Said Thorin on a strangely calm voice.

"I will"- I said

And with that we both left and went back to the company.

"Is everything all right?"- Asked a concerned Bilbo.

"Marvelous"- I said and smirked at him.

_You will see Thorin; I will teach you that no one and I repeat no one calls me useless!_

I sat then next to Valentino and start eating my supper.

"I hope you didn´t got us kicked out kid"- Valentino said as he ate his food.

"Don´t worry Tino we aren´t getting kick out anytime soon."

Valentino gave me a weird look.

"What has gotten into you, kid?"

I looked into the horizon.

"Motivation"-I turned around to see Tino and as I scratched Traitor´s head -"Motivation"- I said with a smirk on my face, I chuckle evilly.

"I´m doomed…"-Valentino said, as he dropped his head hopelessly to the floor.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**Obnoxious POV (Yeah I wasn´t going to get away with this Chapter without letting myself in)**

Thorin looked at his sleeping company; as he thought of what was going to be of their quest for the next days. His look stopped in someone in particular, in no other than his newcomer, and his lately headache.

Soon Gandalf joined him, making Thorin looked at him.

"I hope your plan works, Gandalf"

"Ah, don´t worry Thorin. That was just the kind of push she needed, after today I can assure you we will be expecting better of her"

"It better be"

If only he knew what was going to happened on a few days.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo**

**A/n: And that was Chapter 6, I know I said I was going to be quicker but… eh stuff happens, I am sorry I will make it up to you : ) And be quicker with updates and try to finish this month. Well next chapter might be up soon, so tell me what you think see ya all during the next chapter! **

**Have a nice week :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Kitchen Troubles, Sleepwalking and a romantic night with Kili **

**Obnoxious POV: Why? Because no chapter is complete without me**

Ah well hello there readers of all ages! Today is a glorious day. You know why? Cause today I am narrating! Yes, after the short appearance they gave me on last chapter, the least they could do was to give me a complete chapter for myself. Hooray for life! Al right let´s get this thing started… in one, two, three…

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Next morning was quite gorgeous, well not exactly the sun hadn´t come out yet, so it was still quite dark to see what was going on. Anyway, all the Company was lying down on the fertile and rich forest floor. They were peacefully asleep, some snored and others just breathe peacefully. But the creature that really touched you with its peacefulness was no other than the brown bear on the company. He graciously lay on the grassy floor with its stomach up, and paws that slowly moved from time to time with any outside stimulation.

"Mmmmm I like honey…why didn´t I found this place before…yummy…Whoa! Whoa! what do you think you are doing! Back off brother this is are all mine… Yeah better run and I hope I don´t see ya again on the neighborhood… stupid Winnie the Pooh who he thinks he is?"-Valentino said during his peaceful sleep, what he didn´t knew was that while he was dreaming with honey, a hungry and fierce beast was about to ambush him.

The fierce creature step closer and closer to the grizzly and with one kick it hit the bear´s ribs.

"What? No official I swear… I don´t know how that got in... Huh?"-Valentino waking up from his dream looked up to his attacker. Knowing who she was he frowned. "Kid what the hell? It's like four of the morning!"

"Who cares... wait how do you know the hour?"-Asked Lulla embrangled by the bear´s knowledge

"Emmm I …"-Valentino babbled and Lulla rolled her eyes, shrugging it.

"Nevermind… Get up we got business to do"-Commanded young Lulla.

"What kind of business?"-Asked a perplexed Valentino.

"Fishing of course"-Said Lulla as she was kicking the bear lightly in order for him to get up.

"But you don´t know how to fish kiddo!"

"That's exactly why I am taking you"- Said Lulla and gave the bear an evil grin

"What?! No kid, you know I love you but I´m sorry, I need to sleep"

"You wanted to make up for abandoning me? Well its serve, come on we have to come back before they wake up"- Said Lulla, hands on her hips and a smirk on her lips.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

"Kid seriously this lake is too big!"-Valentino complained.-"Bears are better in catching fish at rivers and waterfalls, you know?!"- Valentino complains as he attempts for the 9th time to catch some fish.

"You said you smelled a waterfall but you were too lazy to go"

"That's because the thing was like 6 miles away!" Valentino said as he splashed some water with his paws.

"Bla-bla, stop talking and keep looking" Commanded Lulla as she lifted more her pants who were still trying to rolled down and get wet.

"Stop talking and keep looking"- Valentino imitated on a silly tone

"What was that?"- Lulla raised her eyebrow.

"Nothing boss"-Said Valentino and raised his paws in defeat.

Valentino sank his head in order to catch something for the human´s plan. A big blue fish swam rather closely to his being. Valentino snatched it from its way and came out of the water.

"Oh look kid I got one!"-Valentino exclaimed to his "boss" who was so comfortably sitting at the shore.

Lulla smiled excited and quickly went to the lake with a basket on her hands.

"Awesome! Come on, put it on the basket"

But the bear was having trouble controlling the fish that was putting up a good fight to slip from the bear´s paws.

"Oh no, it's too big and slippery…."

"That's what she said…"-Lulla was then slapped by the blue fish that had scape from Tino´s grasp.

"Hehe sorry kid"- Valentino apologized, half sincere about it. Lulla raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged, taking out the fish from her face and putting it into her basket.

"Okay let's keep looking"

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

Kili was waked up by the smell of smoke and food, but mostly smoke. Alarmed by the fact it could possibly be a fire near their camping, he immediately stood up and search for the smoke source. He looked around, the sun was starting to rise, and everyone was still asleep. The smoke source came from a couple of meters away from the camping group. Kili grabbed his sword, in case of an enemy being found, and went straight to look for the creature.

As he got closer he began to hear the young human´s voice as well as some bear growls.

"What is it with this fish?"- Asked a really frustrated Lulla, as she tried to flip the fish without it getting burn and failing at it.

"Come on, can you get it right? It's not that hard you know? You are going to start a fire!"

"Well thanks Valentino! You are really useful just by sitting over there"

"I already made the fishing woman! Besides I can´t cook?-Valentino raised his arms- "Remember paws?!

"But you can toss me to the ground whenever I oversleep? -Said Lulla–"And besides what do you know about cooking Lemon-Pepper Catfish Recipe anyways?"

"The question is what you know about cooking Lemon-Pepper Catfish Recipe?-Retorted Tino "I thought you only cooked the basics"

"I do, but I have some tricks under my sleeve"- Lulla said confidently.-"Momma teach me how to make this"

_Some time when I was 12 – Thought Lulla, but omit the detail._

"What's your excuse anyway?"-Said Lulla but then immediately knew the answer "Oh no don´t tell me I know"

"Cooking programs"- Both Lulla and Valentino said.

"Of course!"-Exclaimed the human. "How could I not guessed?!"

"Because I´m batman!"

Lulla rolled her eyes and flipped the fish that by now was burned to crisp. She tossed the spatula substitute to the ground in despair.

"Ugh! What's the deal with these? They are so easy to burn!"

"Luckily we have other 22 fish to experiment with"- Valentino sarcastically answers

"Whatever I just don´t…"

"Lulla?"- Asked Kili as he came to the scene.

"Kili? What are you… AGHHHH SHIT!"- Lulla screamed as she accidently touched the hot fished.

Kili was bit surprise by her saying a bad word. You see young Lulla almost never said bad words, of course the keyword in here is "said" because on her mind, well that was a whole other story. If the young dwarf could read the human´s mind he would be surprise of how much a mouth of sailor she had.

"Are you alright"- Kili asked getting closer to the girl, chuckling at her reactions and face expressions.

"Yeah I´m fine don´t worry!"- Lulla said getting nervous by Kili´s closeness. Kili seemed to noticed these and smirk at her.

"So what are you doing?"- Asked Kili as Lulla quickly backed off and returned to her cooking.

"Attempting to make breakfast"- She says while flipping another fish, this time a bit more effortlessly, in order to make an impression.

"The key word is attempting."- Comments Tino, from his sitting spot.

Lulla glared at the bear. Suddenly Fili came running to the spot.

"Hey what's going on?"

"Oh Lulla is just making us breakfast"-Answered Kili

"Wow, where did you get all these fish?"-Fili asks, looking at the piled up fish.

"I fish it myself"-Lulla answered cockily

Valentino growled at her.

"I mean Valentino helped me and by helping me, I mean he did most of the work"

Then the rest arrive.

"Hey what's going on in here?"- Asked Thorin

"Oh Lulla is making roasted fish for breakfast!"- Answered Kili enthusiastically.

"Really? Oh thank you lady you shouldn´t have bother"-Said Bofur happily at the thought of finally eating food made by a woman.

_Yes, yes I had to-Thought Lulla as she looked at Thorin who gave her a strange mixed look of surprise and skepticism._

"Oh what can I say"-Lulla says, getting more confident and cocky with the compliments and enthusiasm. - "Since we don´t have ponies to carry us anymore I thought we could use a more complete breakfast here"-Lulla says and puts both hands at her hips. Valentino rolled his eyes at her cockiness. "Besides I think I haven´t done a lot lately so perhaps I might redeem myself today"- Lulla says and crosses her arms proudly.

"The bushes are burning?"- Pointed Thorin, not amused, at the bushes beginning to catch more and more fire.

_Oh shit!_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo**

It wasn´t that bad it only took 15 minutes to settle down the fire and all thanks to Gandalf. Now everybody was eating there breakfast.

"Well now I see why you said you never cooked"- Commend Bofur.

The dwarfs laughed.

"But I have to admit these is really good"-Finished Bofur as he munched the roasted fish.

"Yeah I could put off with possible fires for this type of food."- Said Fili as he took his second dish

"Don´t worry I promise next meal I won´t burn anything."-Said Lulla satisfied with their compliments.

"You can burn whatever you want as long as you keep doing these"-Commented Kili really please with the meal." These is delicious don't you think uncle?"

Kili turned to look at Thorin, who seem to careless. The true was that he really liked the breakfast but his pride wasn´t willing to compliment the human, besides she burned a couple of bushes… right? She shouldn´t compliment the spoil brat for that! Right?

"Yes I guess they are good,"-Thorin blandly said, much to Lulla´s displease. However a smile crept on Thorin´s face as soon as he saw the twitch on her face.

_What a douche…-Thought Lulla_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

The Company walked by the woods, now with the absence of their ponies they had to carry with their things and own weights.

Bilbo didn´t mind his feet were made after all for this type of walking. He looked to his surroundings and then something caught Bilbo´s attention.

"Lulla, your bear didn´t got lost, why aren´t you riding it?"

"What kind of bastard would I be, if I just ride comfortably my bear while you all walked? That would be totally rude! Besides he has done already enough for me this morning"- Lulla patted the bear´s back and he smile at the human.

However the bear wasn´t the only one who heard the girl´s statement, Thorin heard it too and a really small smirk emerged from his mouth.

"Well I am glad I am seeing you in a much more light mood, yesterday you were a bit down"- Said Gandalf deciding to join the human´s and hobbit´s conversation "Why if I may asked?"

"Oh just a bit moody I guess, I was getting a bit homesick"

"Oh you mean with Arnor?"-Asked Gandalf

"Where?"

"Arnor"-Gandalf replied and at the absence of respond he added. "Your home…"

"Oh yeah! That!"- Lulla answered quickly realizing her dump action. " I am sorry I was spacing a bit hehe"

Gandalf glance at her suspiciously, he was about to asked something but she immediately change the subject,

"Yo Ori! Think I can see those drawings now?"

Lulla quickly went straight to Ori and the poor guy almost jumped at her touch

"Relax Ori; I am not going to bite!"

"I am sure you won´t miss"

"Can you please show me your drawings!"-Lulla pleads glancing at Gandalf who was looking at her strangely. "Like now!"

"Alright"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

The Company settled down a bit to rest, and to eat for the moment. Lulla was sitting by the tree, walking was a thing, now walking for miles was just plain torture. She huffed and dropped herself to the floor.

"I don´t know how you do it Bilbo, we have walk for miles and you don´t seem tire"- Says Lulla looking up to his friend.

"Well hobbit´s feet are made to endure long walks"

"Oh yeah your rubber feet"-Lulla says looking down at his hairy feet.-"Now I wish I have one of those"

Bilbo shudder at the mental picture of his friend having his feet, it surely did not fit the human.

"Are you alright?"-He asks.

"Yeah just a bit tire, but I got you for entertainment"-Lulla says patting one of Bilbo´s feet, he stepped it a side, rather uncomfortable by her touch. However Lulla didn´t seem to notice.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Afternoon had finally come upon the day, and Thorin decides it's time for his Company to settle.

"Alright I need a fire, Kili, Fili, go.."

"Oh I can go too!"- Lulla volunteered

"I rather have you help Bombur make tonight´s dinner"- Thorin comments

"May I take charge of today´s dinner too"-Lulla asks confidently. The dwarfs hopes lifted yet for another meal and looked at Thorin waiting for a positive answer. Thorin shrugged

"I think is alright, as long as Gandalf is near for when you cause another the fire"

The dwarfs chuckle and Lulla´s scoffs.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

"Bilbo, can you go for some mushrooms?"

"Sure Lulla"-Says Bilbo.

"Just be careful Bilbo, make sure you don´t bring her the other kind of mushrooms or we might end all like her the night we found her and start saying Kili is gorgeous"-Comments Fili

The dwarfs burst out laughing at the comment.

Lulla turned 50 shades of red in less than 3 seconds at the comment, she was sure they had forgotten that already.

"That is a lie!"-She whined

"Oh you are right! How did she call you Kili?"-Asks Fili to his brother.

"I am certain she called me angel"

Then again, the dwarfs ended up laughing and poor Lulla was sulking in embarrassment.

"That´s it! None of you are getting dessert!" At her comment the dwarfs stood silence.

"Oh you made dessert?"-Asked Bofur

"Yep and you all will get none!"

"Oh no please forgive us!"-Said Fili going to Lulla and trying to hug her in order for forgiveness. Lulla just stepped aside.

"Too late friend"

"Oh come on Lulla, if you do it the "angel Kili" will love you forever! Right Kili?"-Fili tried and turned to Kili.

"That does it!-Says a really frustrated Lulla." Congratulations Bilbo, you are eating all the dessert tonight!

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Of course in the end the human gave dessert to everyone, she couldn´t be mad to the dwarfs, specially to Fili and Kili, maybe Thorin, but still she gave the king his dinner. Now everyone was just relaxing, all eating there food in different places. Bilbo and the girl were sitting together next to a tree.

"Lulla what was it with you and Thorin yesterday?"

"You are not going to just forget it, right?"

"No, certainly no"

"Fine, can you keep a secret?"

"Of course"-Said Bilbo a bit startle by the statement.

"Well Thorin gave me an ultimatum, if I don´t make myself useful around here, I am out"

Bilbo freaks out by her words.

"If he thinks that about you, no wonder what he thinks about me!"

"Chill Bilbo… believe me is there anyone who will stay the longest is you!"

"Of course!" –Exclaims Bilbo sarcastically.

"I´m serious, Bilbo!"

"Tell me what kind of evidence you whole that says I am going to live!?"

_4 books and 6 movies-Thought Lulla_

"A feeling…. "-The human answers hesitantly, but then looks at Bilbo in the eyes and seeing the distress on his face, she puts a hand on his shoulder

"Hey is there anyone who will make it in this journey is you! You got lots of potential and to rubber feet to endure all"

Bilbo smiled at his friend´s words

"And don´t worry Bilbs as long as Thorin doesn´t kick me out I will protect ya!"

"Shouldn´t be the man who protects the woman"

"Fine I´ll tell Thorin to protect you"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Since they had to wake up at inhumane hours of the morning, Lulla and Tino were the first to fall asleep that night.

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**Normal POV:**

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**Obnoxious POV:**

Oh hell no! They promised me a full chapter and that's what I´m going to have, you can´t just take me away this, you know who am I?

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**Normal POV:**

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**Obnoxious POV:**

So that how it is? I see then fine , you will be missing me all, you know what I hope something bad happens to the protagonist. See how you all deal without me.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

**Normal POV:**

I was inside a house it was full of people having a party, chilling and I think they were smoking weed. I knew this was a dream but somehow I felt a strange vibe from the place, and no it wasn´t the weed, it was just a feeling a bad feeling, normally I don´t know I am dreaming, so this was weird already.

A bunny came and offered me some; I refused and decide to explore the place. The place was full of yellow and red lights it was kind of trippy and relaxing. I walked deeper in the living room, suddenly a man with giraffe face came. If it wasn´t because I have had weirder dreams I would be crept out.

"Miss, they are waiting for you"-Said the giraffe with British accent.

"Who?"

"Room 33"- Said the giraffe before disappearing to the crowd.

I made my way between the high guests until I came to room 33. I opened the door and found an elegant bedroom, then I saw her, there sitting by the bed with her leather jacket and x-mas hat. was the cause of my recent nightmares. She made a French inhale and smiled at me.

"Hello Looser, long time not seeing you"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Jeez dude, just relax, why don´t you smoke some"- She said standing up and stretching a bit.

"What are you doing here Spirit?°

"Well I got a bit bored so I decide to see what my little subject was doing"-The witch said."How is it going? Have the handsome Kili kissed you yet?"

_That bitch…_

"Oh he hasn´t? Not a single moment yet? Those he even like you?"- She said on her mocking tone knowing all the answer clear.

"Get out my head! Oh better yet, tell me when I am going to go back hom…"

I could not finish my sentence because Spirit had literally zipped my mouth close.

"Jesus you dream a house full of weed and you can´t even relax."-She then teleported next to me."You know what I´m going to play nice tonight"

_Oh shit, I don´t like the sound of that._

"I am gonna push the things between you and the hot dwarf, I am gonna give you a romantic night with Kili!"-she putted her thin finger to her chin."Okay let´s see what can I do? Oh I have always loved to right fanfics, let´s see mmm, I like tragedies we could use some of that or…"

The Spirit stood in deep thought, while I in an attempt to wake myself up began to hit myself.

_This is not happening come on is just another freaky nightmare come on wake up wake up!_

"Okay I got it!"-Said the Spirit and I almost fell in surprise, she then turned to look at me, her sick smile on her face."Don´t worry looser you are going to have an awesome time or at least I´m sure I will"

"Nooo!"- I screamed, finally getting my mouth unzipped.

"Yesss! No go, go looser we got a lot work to do"-the bitch said as she pushed me outside the room and outside the house."´I´ll be there soon!"- She said and closed the door on my face.

_This is bad, very very very bad indeed!_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

**Obnoxious POV:**

Well this certainly lifts my mood; let´s see if you try not to keep your deals next time, after this

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

Miss Lulla woke up and to her horror found no other than Kili missing. Panicking, she quickly began to search for him, being careful into not waking up anybody, and start a scandal. She found him, a couple of meters away from the camping; he was walking to an unknown direction with a white aura surrounding him. Carazyn quickly ran to catch him.

"Kili!"-She said and tried to shake him, but as soon as her hands made contact with his shoulders the young dwarf was teleport far from her. She then heard the Spirit voice.

"You got until dawn to save him"

Lulla quickly began to run to him and he began to fasten his pace. He was heading straight for a tree. Lulla panicked and tried to run to him. She gently pushed him towards another direction and avoided the tree. But as soon as she accomplished that he was teleport away from her. She looked everywhere and found him at the top of a big tree.

"Kili! "-Lulla screamed and her eyes widen as Kili began to balance himself on the tree´s fragile top branch, dangerously threatening to break. "Don´t worry love, Lulla will save you!"

And as fast as she could, she began to climb the tall tree, the branches pinching her hands and cutting her face. She ignored it , her eyes were on Kili.

Kili was still peacefully asleep and peacefully bouncing the tree´s top.

"Hold on Kili I am almost there!"-Lulla said as she almost reached the hexed dwarf. She smiled as soon as she was just below him and attempted to reach for his foot. He was just now hugging the branch and Lulla smile in relief.

"Okay honey, just listen to me. Stay still and tried to… SHIT KILI! NO DON´T DO THAT! KILI!"- Lulla screamed in terror as the dwarf began to bounce on the branch again, making all the top tree swing from side to side, again threatening to break. Lulla grasp for dear life to the tree and prayed for it not to broke,

"For god sake Kili stop it! You are going to kill us both!"-Lulla was completely horrified. Her horror magnified as soon as she heard the distinct snap sound. "No, no nooooooooooo"-Lulla screamed, as the branch began to fell, with both Kili and her.

Lulla quickly grabbed the hand of the still oblivious and unaware of the situation dwarf.

But as soon as they began to fall, Kili disappeared from her grasp, leaving her to fall alone. She mentally cursed the one causing her terrible night. Fortunately for Lulla, she got to soften her fall by hitting every single branch and stick from the tree, until she landed flat on her butt.

"Ouuuuuch! Damn it!"- She cursed as she rubbed her butt in order to relief the pain. But there was no time for her to whined about her butt, because she suddenly remembered that Kili was still hexed and lost.

She quickly ran and began to search for the handsome dwarf.

"Kili!"- She called completely stressed by the situation. She spotted and found him walking dangerously closed to the cliff´s edge. She quickened her pace as much as her legs allowed her to.

She reached him, just in time for him to stop at the cliff´s edge.

"No! Kili listen, it is me, Lulla, I know you are asleep but could you do me a favor and not kill yourself!?"

Kili just took another stepped back, this time almost loosing his balance."

"No! Ugh! Listen Spirit I get it you are a troll master, ha-ha you have a really dark sense of humor! Lol rofl LMAO ha-ha now please, put him safe!"

There was a long pause, and then Kili began to slowly walk towards Lulla. She took a deep relief breath and took the dwarf´s hand.

"Thank you!-She said.-Come on Kili I will take you home."

But when Lulla pulled his hand for him to follow he didn´t moved. She tried a couple of times and the dwarf stood still as a rock.

"The fuck? Kili!"

As soon as she pronounced his name, Kili caught the girl´s wrist and pulled her closed to him.

"Kili! What the fuck?! Let me go!"- She tried to pull away from her but Kili was under some demon strength control and it made it impossible for her to go.

Lulla´s fears reawakened when Kili and she were teleported back to the cliff´s edge.

Lulla tried biting his hand but it made no use.

"She panicked as she saw the bottom of the cliff.

"Kili! Listen to me whatever is going through that handsome head of yours, don´t listen to whatever that bitch is telling you to do, you hear me? Kili do not take a step closer! Don not take a step closer do not… Shit!"- Lulla panicked as a pebble fell with Kili´s lost balance.

"Kili please…"-Lulla begged

Kili smiled and took another step and Lulla screamed as both began to fall to the abysm

"Great the first time Kili hugs me and is for him to take me to my eminent death! Well thanks a lot asshole!"- She said turning to Kili who was still deeply asleep." As soon as she saw the ground getting closer and closer she grasped Kili for dear life and began to scream again.

"Dear lord, anyone! Please help me!"- Lulla begged and before they could hit the ground they were teleported.

She opened her eyes to found herself on a green prairie on a sunny day. Kili was still asleep.

"Oh yes! Yes! Thank you!- Lulla celebrated and punched Kili´s arm.-"We did it!"- But of course Kili did not response.

But before Lulla could even stand up they were teleport again.

They were no both under the sea, tied upside down to an anchor and close to a lot of hammerhead sharks. The predators seem to smell Lulla´s bleeding cuts and began to approach to her. Lulla panicked and struggled to get herself free. While she screamed and several bubbles left her mouth, Kili was still asleep and unaware of the situation.

Before the sharped teeth animal could snatch her face, the couple was teleported away from the situation. They appeared on the head of a T-Rex, then on Egypt´s pyramids, and soon after that in the middle of San Diego, in what appeared to be a Comic-con. Several women were over the dwarf´s "accurate cosplay".

"Oh my god he looks just like Kili!"- One squealed

"I know! Hey where did you got your costume?"

"Did you make it yourself?"

"Can I take a picture with you"

"You have a girlfriend?"

Kili was still deeply asleep and unaware of his hormonal fangirls

"Hey back off sisters! He is mine!"-Lulla said angrily and quickly grabbed Kili´s hand just in time to teleport to another place.

**-Meanwhile-**

"Quickly we must find that dwarf trash and finished them"- Said Azog the pale orc.

"We have looked for days for them, sir!"

"Clearly you haven´t tried enough!"-Said Azog-"It's not like they are going to appeared out of nowhere in here"

The pale´s statement was clearly proved wrong as Kili and Lulla appeared in the middle of the base, all eyes on them. Azog stare at the human and the sleeping dwarf beside her. Both human and orc shared a look for several moments

"Well this is awkward…"-Said Lulla

"Get them!"-Shouted Azog, but before they could reach them the couple was teleported.

**-Meanwhile more less 70 years in the future-**

"I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor, The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! Go back to the shadows! You…"- Gandalf´s speech was abruptly interrupted by the blue portal opening just above him and Balgrog.

"Unbelievable! How could a perfect day like this, end in such a distressful and awful night! When I get my hands on that bitch I swear I am…."- Said Lulla as she and unconscious Kili fell to the abysm between Gandalf and Balgrog just to disappear in another portal.

Gandalf and his crew stood perplexed at the abysm for a few seconds, not sure how to take the strangeness of the situation, hell even Balgrog did not know what to do.

Gandalf shrugged it and proceed to do his business.

"You shall not pass!"

**-Meanwhile in other world-**

Lulla and Unconscious Subject appeared on what it looked like a fight arena. The fog on the place was too dense to make out the whereabouts of both at first sight; the only thing Lulla knew was that there were a lot of people watching. Suddenly the fog moved as the narrator began to talk.

"Wait? Was that Gandalf we saw back there?"

"New Challenge"

"What the hell is this place?"-Lulla asked, but as soon as she heard the narrator´s voice she had no doubt in were she was."Holy…"

"Scorpion"

"Shit!"

"3"

"No please no, mercy!"

"2"

"Nooo!"

"1, Fight"

"Oh for God Sake! I had 3% of probability to survive with no skills on Middle Earth and you are seriously expecting me to deal with this! You sick Bastard!"- Shout Lulla to the Spirit she knew was somewhere watching and enjoying every moment of her despair

Lulla saw the fire on Scorpion´s eyes and knew neither she nor her unconscious friend would make it alive if they stood still like retarded statues.

"Come on Kili we have to get away of Mr. Vengeful from hell, before he makes a barbeque with our flesh"- Said Lulla as she quickly grabbed Kili´s hand and ran for dear life.

"Really Spirit?! You are going to do this to me?!"- Lulla screamed as she tried to avoid Scorpion´s attacks, but to her horror she realize she wasn´t holding Kili´s hand.

She stopped dead in her tracks, and tried to localize the lost dwarf, she found it walking stupidly close towards Scorpion, who was just waiting for any pathetic attempt Kili had to give.

"No Killi the guy is evil!"-Lulla screamed, and somehow seem to got sense in him, because the young dwarf turned around to walk to her.-"Yes that's right, here follow my sweet voice and come to momma"

Scorpion annoyed for not getting any flesh he decide to take hands on the situation and wait no more.

"Get over here!"-Said Scorpion as he aimed his weapon towards the sleepwalking dwarf.

Lulla quickly react to the situation and threw herself towards Kili, making him fall and avoided the weapon. Scorpion charged toward them full velocity and Lulla not knowing what else to do, decided to make the first thing it came to her desperate mind, as soon as she saw Scorpion in front of her.

"I guess there is no mercy for girls, right?"- Lulla smiled sheepishly.

Scorpion just removed his mask and spit fire dangerously close to Lulla´s side.

"I guess not… Hey! Isn´t that Sub-Zero, behind you?"

It was all it took for Scorpion´s vengeance thirst to rise and make him turned around, just in time for the portal to open and teleport the couple away from there.

**- -Meanwhile-**

"Thanks for buying at Starbucks, I hope you enjoy your coffee"-Said a really bored cashier

"Thanks, I wanted to try this flavor for some time now"

The coffees on the shop began to slowly tremble, as well as the chairs and furniture, and well basically all the floor. A couple of screams were heard so everyone at the shop curiously went to the window in order to find the scandal´s source. To many people´s surprise, they found a couple oddly dressed running across the mall´s halls, one seem to be running with his eyes closed. But that was not the source of panic, the source of panic was the giant rock rolling by the marbled floor and following the couple, crashing all stands on its way.

"Seriously Spirit! When I said that at least I wanted a souvenir I meant Jone´s hat, not these!"-Said the female as she pulled the man running along her side and both disappeared on a blue portal along with their rock.

"Thanks for buying at Starbucks; I hope you enjoy your coffee"

**-And then…-**

"Come on"-Said the insane Joker, as batman quickly approached on his motorcycle. "Come on, come on hit me Hit me! HIT ME!"

And indeed he got hit, not by Batman of course, he is a cool guy, but by the douchebags running at light speed from a portal to another other.

Those douchebags were no other than a blue hedgehog and a Lulla that had lost Kili in other dimension.

**-Meanwhile 70 years in the future… well in the past…well in the present… Oh you get my point-**

"Frodo! Throw it in the fire"

"…"

"What are you waiting for? Just let it go!"

"The ring is mine"

"No, no"

"Nooo!"-Screamed once more Sam, as he watches with horror and despair, his dear friend being consumed by the ring and vanishing before his eyes. Frodo soon was knocked out by a really pissed Gollum who threw himself to the power hungry and invisible Frodo.

The creature then bites the hobbit´s finger off, and while Frodo twists in pain on the floor, Gollum makes the dance of happiness at the cliff´s edge.

Frodo tries to kill him and charges towards him. After some fighting both end up falling from the cliff. Well not exactly, Frodo got to grab from the cliff´s side, meanwhile Gollum fell to his eminent death. The last thing he saw before being burned by the melted rock was his precious and also two other people falling, but of course he didn´t got the chance to see who.

So while Gollum was being burned alive, Sam tried to pulled back the hanging Frodo, and the ring was just chilling on a piece of rock in the middle of the lava, Lulla and the still asleep Kili were falling to their also imminent death.

"Shit Shit SHIT! NO WAY, PLEASE SPIRIT I´M BEGGING YOU, ANYWAY BUT THIS! LISTEN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET RID OF ME SO BADLY, I UNDERSTAND JUST NOT LIKE THIS NOT IN THE LAVA!"

Lulla screamed in horror, as the melted rock got closer and closer to him and Kili, she could feel the hotness of the lava; she wanted to cry so badly, she was sure this time she was really going to die. She turned to look at Kili STILL deeply asleep.

"Well at least you won´t get to see this"-Lulla said and tighten her grasp around him.

"Don´t let go Mister Frodo!"

"Mister Frodo?"-Lulla asked confusedly and tried to look up, but it was too late, for she and Kili had reached the lava.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O**

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH!"- Lulla still screamed on top of her lungs for a couple of seconds until she realize she wasn´t burning alive

She opened her eyes and realized she was back at the forest, and not just any forest it was Middle Earth´s Forest and just not any Middle Earth´s Forest but her time Middle Earth´s Forest (Kind off).

."Wait were those Frodo and Sam?"

But her happiness did not last long as soon as she realized she did no have Thorin´s nephew by her side.

She turned around and found no one. Lulla quickly began to think the worst.

_Maybe this was all part of her sick plan! Letting me live but kill Kili instead, for me to deal with the guilt! Oh poor Kili!"-She thought_

Lulla suddenly felt like crying feeling it was all her fault, a few drops fell from her cheeks, but before her breakout could start she heard soft snores from behind the tree. She quickly pulled herself up and ran to the side of the tree. She closed her eyes afraid to find an ugly image, but when she opened them she found a healthy and in good condition Kili.

She felt a wave of relief hit her body, and she almost jumped of joy, Kili was alive, she was alive and the night was probably almost over, so the meant the X-mas Spirit was probably be done by now.

She laughed in relief and then looked at Kili.

"Asshole you haven´t wake up yet, we almost die you know?! "-Lulla argued to the still asleep Kili and sighed with a smile. "Well at least is over now"- And with that said she gently kicked Kili´s side.

She turned around and began to debate the way to carry the man back to the camping, and while she was doing that, the white aura began to surround Kili again, making him stand up and walk without Lulla noticing.

By the time Lulla noticed his platonic crush absence it was too late, for Kili was already back under the Spirit´s control.

Lulla search for him but found him nowhere around. She got a glimpse of the dwarf´s white aura, still it was too dark to see his plans, but Lulla knew he was heading to the camping.

What Lulla didn´t knew was that the still sleeping handsome dwarf was carrying an ax and it was not for his brother´s birthday.

Lulla got to catch him before he went to the camping. She quickly turned him around just to find he was wearing nothing but his pants, leaving the well build and delicious torso and arms of the young dwarf expose to Lulla´s eyes. But that wasn´t what left her wide eyed, well partly yes. But what really make her eyes widen and panic was the ax the sleeping Kili was carrying.

Lulla quickly dodged and step aside when the dwarf swung it to her direction. Kili than proceed to go to the company members ready to butch everyone there.

"Be careful Lulla he might think they are trees to cut"-Said the Spirit´s voice

Quickly Lulla ran to Kili, and threw herself against him making him fall. Kili quickly turned around and pushed Lulla out of his way. Lulla then began to pull his arm back. Kili didn´t move a bit to Lulla´s pulls.

"Come on Kili snapped out of it!"-Lulla shouted, as she began to dodge the dwarf´s ax swings, one passing dangerously close to her side.-"Shit Kili!"

Lulla kept dodging Kili´s attack at an almost (in Lulla´s mind) rhythmic pace. Seriously the only thing missing was the fiddle playing some unfitting music.

Kili aimed one more swing towards her, and Lulla miraculously got to get a hold on the ax. Kili began to try to pull it back to him, while Lulla tried to take the weapon away. They thug the ax for while and slowly began to get near the camping.

Lulla getting tire, decides to make the only thing in her mind that would work and kicks Kili´s stomach as hard as she did a few days ago. Kili grabbed his stomach and dropped the ax, just for Lulla to get hold of the weapon. Kili seemed to want to attack again but as soon as the light of dawn began to spread on the forest. The white aura disappeared and Kili fell to the floor.

Lulla took a deep breath in relief.

"What on earth is going on here?!"- Shouted Thorin but stopped on his tracks as soon as he looked at the picture of Kili half-naked on the floor and the human beside him with an ax.

Thorin and Lulla stared at each other for the moment not knowing what to think or do.

"Lulla?!"-Exclaimed Kili, all the attention on him as he began to wake-up."What is going on?! What happened to my cloth and why are you carrying an ax?"

Lulla shared a look from Kili, to the ax, to Thorin.

_Well this is awkward_- Thought Lulla as her face began to turn redder, and saw all the dwarfs whispering things. Thorin´s expression seemed to want to hear an answer.

"I can explain"-Said Lulla dropping the ax and lifting her hands on surrender.

"Explain now, then"- Said Thorin his tone not really friendly.

Lulla gulped.

_This is going to be a pain…-_Thought Lulla as she scratched her head and sighed.-

_Falling into the hot lava, doesn´t seem as a bad idea now… At least I can say I spend a whole night with Kili hehehe….I am screwed._

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O**

**Wow that was indeed satisfying! Oh well that's what they get for no giving me my spotlight!**

**HAHA oh well that was fun hope I see you next time. Kisses**

**-Obnoxious POV**

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo**A/**A/N: Well here ends chapter 7. Wow it took me less than a week to update ! Guess there will be cake for me! Anyway I hope you like it, chapter 8 will be up soon, tell me what you think and Hope to see ya all next time! Good night and have a Nice Week! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Champagne Showers**

I looked lazily at the eggs that I was slowly cooking in the fire. Why was I doing eggs now? Well after spending my whole night trying to save Kili´s ass, and having not more than five minutes to sleep, I definitely remained in no mood to go for an exotic recipe or deal with Valentino´s ranting. And speaking of that, you are probably wondering: What happened to Thorin, Kili and me this morning?

Well, I certainly did not got killed, but I had to deal with one of the most uncomfortable mornings of my life. Long story short I basically used my improvisation skills and came with the most reasonable excuse that could explain the mess, or at least the most reasonable excuse my brain could came with, at five of the morning.

**-$Flashback$-**

"So basically, I found Kili with no shirt, sleepwalking directly to the lake near by our camping, and basically brought him back without waking him up, because…you know…is not good waking up people when they are sleepwalking…hehe"

The company looked at me weirdly, and I just gave them a toothy grin.

" So I sleepwalked all the way to that lake?"-Kili asked, pointing to the direction the lake was. (Actually "The lake" were "Kili fell" was, a bit far from our camping)

"Yeah"-I confirmed.-"Actually I should be blame for this, the ingredient I used for the dessert sometimes causes side effects like… you know….heartburn, stomach stuff and sleepwalking.

"But Kili did not had dessert"-Fili said and made all the company turned their eyes suspiciously at me.

"Did I said dessert? I mean supper haha.-I chuckled nervously.- Yep the supper´s ingredient may cause sleepwalking"

"But we had supper and we did not sleepwalk"-Ori said from behind crowd, making all the dwarves agree and again turned suspicious towards me.

_Well thanks Ori, you never talk and now you choose your words against me!_

"Yeah and why did you use that ingredient knowing it could harm us?"- The never trusting Gloin said, making everybody agree and become even more suspicious.

"Well I don´t know!"- I snapped.-"Seriously men, I just wanted to give you all a nice dinner. That spice almost never carries out its side effects and how am I suppose to know to whom the damn plant will affect? Everybody has a different metabolism and besides I know nothing about a dwarf´s metabolism, I am just a **human**, remember?- I said the last, looking directly at Thorin.

Everybody stood silence, not knowing how to react to my outburst,

"And besides you all enjoyed my dinner, so don´t come to judge me now for the ingredients I used, you wanted me to cooked and be productive, well deal with my ways, and if you don´t like it, make another dwarf be in charge of the cooking again.

My last words seemed to have effect on half of the men in the company, because the looked on their eyes when I suggested someone else cooking, seem to indicate they appreciate my food.

**- End of flashback-**

After that, everybody believed my story, well everybody except for Thorin. Who I think he still believes I tried to rape his nephew. Anyway to this point I can live with whatever Thorin thinks about me.

I cracked another two eggs and sighed. Honestly I found myself on a really depressed mood, I mean seriously, I spent my whole night saving and protecting Kili´s ass and I won´t even get the credit for it! But I am way too tire to rant about it now. Seriously, I just want to finish these eggs and lay down to sleep, but nope. Thorin has a long walking routine waiting for us. Man life sucks.

I heard a rustle coming from the bushes. I turned around and found my Grizzly friend walking on two legs towards me, carrying something with his paws.

"Here"-He said, offering me a cup with some liquid in it.

"What is that?"-I asked looking at the dark liquid.

"Well, coffee you idiot"- He said to me on an obvious tone.

"Were did you got the coffee?"

"I found some plants nearby"

"How did you made it?"

"Well gee, you aren´t the only one who can cook here"

"You are seriously expecting me to believe you found some coffee grains on Middle Earth"

"Well they are"

"But not in these forest!"

"Listen kiddo, I just smelled these things a couple of yards away from here, and thought it would be a good gesture to make my friend a cup of coffee after that horrible night she had yesterday"

Well not like I was going to fight that kind of attitude.

"Okay…I am sorry…then…"- I said groggily.

"No problem, just drink the thing, it will wake you up and hopefully take away that grouchy mood."

I smiled at my friend and began to drink the dark liquid, letting its drug consume me.

"Does this thing have sugar, and…cream?"-I said tasting the rather sweet flavor of the supposedly wild coffee.

"Just drink it already!" – Valentino said as he slowly began to cuddle against a sleep and close his eyes.

Well not like I was going to reject a good cup of coffee, even if its origins were suspicious enough for me to distrust it.

_Maybe this day will get better after all._

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo **

I watched as everyone began to settle up their things in order to leave. I had mine already, so I just wait for the others to be ready. During breakfast I did not talk much, since I was still sleepy, not even to Bilbo but he seemed to understand and made no questions about last night. Finally Thorin gave his command for us to leave. I took my last slip of coffee (the cup was really big) and pray God for my being to survive the day.

I smiled feeling a bit better and walked towards my bear, Gandalf, and Bilbo. But as I was walking to them I was stopped by Kili, whom I swear just popped out of nowhere in front of me.

"Hey Lulla"- He said and gave me a charming smile.

"Hey Kili…"-I said awkwardly not really feeling the scene natural.

"I never got the chance to apologize for that awkward morning I made you passed"-Kili said.

"Excuse me?"-I asked, having trouble to process Kili´s words.

"Yes, you know for these morning, also I wanted to thank you for saving me from jumping to the lake, and also not waking me up in the process"

_Did I enter the Twilight Zone or something?_

"Oh don´t worry about it, it was nothing, really"-I said and smiled at the man.

"Yeah, but I bet I caused you a lot of trouble"

_Yes , yes you did asshole!_

"Oh don´t worry about it, it was nothing serious!"

_Yeah, we almost get killed, burned, and eaten but it was nothing serious_

"Well anyway. Umm how about you walked with Fili and me today?"

I almost spitted the coffee I wasn´t drinking.

_Like seriously did I enter another weird dimension? Did I really died on the volcano yesterday? Is this the purgatory or something?_

Kili didn´t seem to like neither my absence of answer nor my absence of presence.

"Come on it will be **fun**"-He said and looked at me mischievously. I laughed nervously.

_The Fuck is going on here?_

I looked at Kili´s chocolate eyes and finally gave in.

_Well not like I´m going to reject that, l what could go wrong anyway?_

"Sure"-I said.

Kili smiled widely and took my hand.

"Hey Fili guessed who is joining us today?"

Fili turned around to look at me and grinned.

"Oh is your admire!"

"Be careful Fili, the _admire_ might let you without dessert tonight"

Fili chuckled and I suddenly felt much better.

_Why was I angry for, again?_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO**

I laughed at one of Fili´s impressions, as both brothers told me about their days on their homeland. We had spent the whole morning, talking, teasing and laughing at each other. I mean, it was as if last night haven´t happened, all my grogginess was gone, and I felt like a kangaroo full of energy and ready for anything. God bless the creators of coffee.

''We must definitely teach her how to use a sword!''-Kili said and chuckled at me trying to punch Fili, after he teased me for being still shorter than them.

''Are you crazy Kili? If she starts fires just by cooking, imagine the catastrophes she will accomplish if she learns how to use a sword!''

Both Kili and Fili laugh at my offended face.

"You are right brother, we better not risk Earth"

"The only catastrophe I will accomplish is to feed my bear with both of you, if you not swallow your words!"- I said defiantly and cockily, and both males laugh at my words.

Fili and Kili came to me and both put an arm around me.

"Tsk-tsk you see my dear Lulla, this is the kind of attitude that won't make us teach you how to use a sword anytime soon.''-Fili said.

''Just imagine! The only way we would be able to sleep would be with both a sword and an eye open and still the danger would be unthinkable!-Kili added.

''You know I hate both of you right?''-I said and both dwarves laugh at my words.

''I can assure you those words aren't true, and as for my brother…well you couldn't hate your angel could you?''

Both brothers chuckled at my undignified face, jaw dropped down and my face flustered red.

''You both better sleep with both eyes open, because I swear both little bastards will…''

But my badass threat was suddenly interrupted by Thorin clearing his throat and turning to us.

''We will rest and eat in here for a bit''

We all stopped on our tracks and turned to look at the small lake just a few meters ahead from us. My eyes immediately brighten up. Unlike the last lake Valentino and I went, this one had its water clearer, and less muddier. My inner childish instantly perked up and began to come to light as well as my feminine side.

''Oh Thorin, can we stay here for the rest of the day? Please. It will be just for today. Please it will be fun and I could finally have the time to take a bath, please I am begging you I wanted to take a bath I can't take the smell anymore!

**Obnoxious POV**

Thorin stare in disbelief at the young human in front of him. The human, the spoiled brat, he had so against his will let in, had the nerve to ask for a day off of his so important quest, just to satisfy her women and selfish needs! How dare she, how dare she be so selfish, so inconsiderate, so spoiled to risk his company into being delay, into being caught by some enemy just for her selfish needs!?

However while Thorin was annoyed by such suggestion some male like Kili, Fili and Bofur, in the other hand were quite pleased by the idea of having a female getting naked in order to fulfill her feminine needs.

"Absolutely no"-Said Thorin

''Why not?''- Lulla whined.

Thorin could not believe she still had the nerve to ask why.

''Because I won't risk my company's safety, just for you to fulfill your selfish needs!''-He said glaring at the human.

''Selfish needs? Oh come on Thorin when was the last time you or any of these men took a bath!''-

The last statement, really intrigue the dwarves. To be honest, they did not remember or thought of It (or care), and while their leader and the female kept arguing, some of the males began to smell their armpits and even their own comrades. Most of them just shrugged it since they had got used to the odor long ago, except for Bilbo who definitely did not like the idea of having to reek.

The young human and the young king kept arguing; Lulla taking advantage of her energy rush, was babbling the first arguments that came to her mind, while Thorin reject anything that came out of her mouth.

Gandalf, who had been plotting all day into know the true that the young human hide, decides to use the situation to his advantage and decides to step in the verbal quarrel.

"Oh please Thorin, listen if you or the guys don't want to clean yourselves, that's fine for me, just let me take a bath for today, and I promise you tomorrow I will do whatever you want, whatever spine breaking job you have for me, hell I will carry you in my back all day if you want! Just please, pleeeeease let me satisfy my feminine needs!

Thorin was practically using all his will power into not stabbing the girl right there right now, how dare, she how dare she be so stubborn! Never in his life he met someone as stubborn, well us… him. Thorin could not believe it. Oh for Erebor was she still talking?! Was she still expecting for him to say yes?!

"For the last time human, No, we are not going to stay all day here for you, and that's finale!"

Lulla stood completely in silence, and for a second Thorin doubt he was tripping on something.

"Al right, I understand"-Lulla simply stated.

Okay now Thorin was sure he was tripping in something. Could it be true? Could the human finally made some sense on her head and stick to his rules?

"But still couldn't we take this day off like NOW?! "

It was too good to be true, for Thorin.

"No human! We aren't going to stay in here nor today nor ever, in fact you know what? We already lost enough time in here. Forget about the rest we are leaving…."

That was when Gandalf decided to step in.

"Excuse me Thorin, I don't planned into interrupting your discussion with Miss Carazyn, but I have to say that staying in here for today is not a bad idea. We are getting a bit scarce on our provisions and the area around here is very fertile and full of food. Besides…"-Gandalf turned to see Lulla.- "Miss Carazyn here seems, she won't give up any time soon on her request. So why don't we please everyone today, and settle down early, so we can get provisions and let Lulla fulfill her needs?"

Thorin didn't like the idea of giving in to the human's selfish wishes, but in the other hand they were indeed getting scarce on provisions, and he didn't find himself on the mood to deal with the human's complains for the rest of the day. Thorin closed his eyes and took and a deep breath.

"Fine"- he said reluctantly.

Lulla's face quickly brightens up, as a grin quickly began to spread from ear to ear.

"Oh thank you! Thank you! Gandalf you are seriously the best of best ''-Lulla said as she hugged tightly, the old wizard.

"You welcome, miss"-Gandalf said as he chuckled at the girl's reaction.

But as soon as, Lulla was running directly to the lake, Thorin's voice stopped her.

"Not so fast human"-Thorin smirk evilly at the girl's annoyed face.

"What is it?"

"You will take your bath yes¸ but since we are so dirty and you can't stand the odor of all of us, you will have to wait until all men wash first"

"But there is 15 of you!"

"Hope it doesn't get dark before your turn comes"- Thorin smirked at her, as the company laughed.

"Fine"-Lulla scoffed.

Well at least she will get to shower, hopefully before the freezing night.

Thorin smiled satisfied and turned to his company.

"Company feel free to decide when to get inside the lake, you are free to choose your turn, and until then, Miss Carazyn won't be allowed to take hers.

Lulla's jaw dropped at Thorin's words, and look in horror at Bombur.

_My god, how long will it take for him to decide to take a shower? Let alone have it! Thorin you asshole, I swear if I don't get my beloved bath today I be your worst nightmare until these journey ends! –Thought Lulla.-Wait, Kili is going to take a bath too, on the lake? Naked?! Hehhehe Oh god, perhaps I can wait for my turn after all…_

**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo**

**A/N: That was a really short chapter D;**

**I will update soon and Rebecca thanks for pointing the Goblin mistake during last chapter, I will correct it when I go home :)**

**Good Night everyone hope you all are having a nice week. :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Caffeine Issues (Three ways to get rid them of them)**

**Obnoxious POV**

Good evening readers, today is going to be a great night, not only because I am narrating, but because I am narrating for a consecutive second time! HAHAHA, Oh yes life is wonderful specially for me, but sometimes is not that wonderful to other people, take our young Lulla for instance. You see just when she founds a perfect water clear lake to shower, Thorin decides to go Troll mode and banned her from getting near the lake, until the last of his men are clean. And now under the caffeine effects things are getting weird for our young Lulla, but I am getting way too ahead from myself, so let´s start from the beginning shall we? Now grab your food, grab your drinks, close the porn and get comfy for today´s chapter.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

So it had been approximately an hour and half after Thorin made his conviction to Lulla, and non of the men had took a shower, in fact they have been doing all types of things except helping Lulla fulfill her feminine needs. Most of the things were Thorin´s commandments, and Lulla swear that every time he ordered her or his men to do something new, she could see the guy smile evilly at her.

Lulla couldn´t believe the mass of talent the man had, to mess up her day.

_Thorin you bastard I swear I will personally drag you to that lake if you and your men don´t get inside the water by lunch_.- Thought Lulla as she carried a trunk, he needed for his fire. It was the third trunk she carried, and was now feeling tempted by the idea of hitting his stupid head with the heavy piece of wood.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

However the bath thing was on what she was thinking less now. Because the moment she stopped making chores and sat down on the tree was the time began to pass insanely slow. Three hours, and still no men had went to the lake, except for the ones who were fishing, **but** **of course that did not count at all as shower to Thorin, **so she would have to **wait** until his men had **properly took** a **shower**, which for Lulla could take another six hours, and to her would feel like 12.

Lulla observed the camping, looking for something interesting to waste the excessive amount of energy that was running through her system. Literally she was tapping the floor with both feet at an inhumane speed; she was getting anxious. She wanted to do something! But what? Everyone was busy! Should she do more chores? Go for more wood? Help around the company? Hell no! She had already made that for 3 hours and she was not willing to satisfy Thorin after what he had done! But seriously she needed something to do, or else she would implode.

_Oh my god! Seriously! I need something to release my energy! But what? Aghh! What I would do for having my computer here! Damn I miss the internet! Where is my internet I want my internet! You see that's the problem, I need internet! I need YouTube to entertain me and make me waste hours on videos! I need 9gag! Oh for God Sake! I need TUMBLR! OH GOD My poor baby, its been days since I last login, he must be alone, afraid, abandoned! I haven´t change the background! OH you see that's what I need! I need my Tumblr and my fandoms! Oh The things I would be uploading right now!I the gifts I could make out of these 14 people! The pictures, the Fanart… Oh God the things I could be drawing right now…if only…That's it! That's EXACTLY WHAT I NEED! OH GOD WHY I HAVEN´T THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE?! Fantart! That will keep me busy for a while! Now where should I do…. _

And this, guys, is how today´s top 3 ways to get rid of caffeine issues begin…

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**1.- Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel**

Lulla quickly stood up, as she began to look for something where to capture her disturbing imagination. She looked at the field and her eyes suddenly stopped at Ori who was peacefully sitting down writing on what Lulla needed now.

_Of course, I knew that little fellow would come handy one day!_

An evil smiled spread on the young human´s face, as she quickly began to approach Ori, like a hungry lion would to a gazelle.

"YO ORI!"-Lulla loudly shout at the young dwarf, immediately snapping him out of his comfort zone, and quickly making him feel uneasy.

The dwarf didn´t like the way the human was running directly towards him, and he watched in horror as the human approach him like a hungry beast.

Ori decides to play deaf and immediately turns around and starts to walk.

"YO ORI, I´M SPEAKING TO YOU! HEY WAIT!"-Lulla shouted at Ori as he rapidly began to quicken his pace.

Soon the scene looked like those wildlife T.V documentals, in which the fierce lion chases after a graceful gazelle across the savannah, only this time it was much less graceful since it was a dwarf and a human under the caffeine effects running across the forest while they got some weird looks from the dwarves. All these while Thorin thought, _"Did she just take a rest just to play tag with Ori…?"_

Poor Ori, you should have seen his face when Lulla got hold of his shirt.

"Hey stop it"-Lulla said as she tried to recover her breath, and let go Ori. "What on earth?...how…how can you run that fast?"

"Well…I.. you know…"

"Anyway, why did you that!?"-Lulla asked, and Ori took a step back not liking the closeness."Seriously am I that scary to you?!"

"Well, you were running at me like…fierce dragon about to eat…me"-Ori said awkwardly and Lulla felt uncomfortable…

_My god…not doubt he has been talking to Gloin lately…poor Ori he must think I want eat him or something…-Thought Lulla_

"Oh that, it´s just the caffeine…I guess…sorry for scaring you…"

"That what?"

"Nothing…anyway Ori, I need to ask you a favor…"-Lulla began.

"What is it?"-Ori said, his cheeks getting a bit red.

"You are an artist, I am an artist... I think we both understand how each other think…and the truth is that my body **right now** is having **needs** and not just any needs I mean…"

_Her body… needs… right now…oh no she couldn´t be asking me what I think is she is asking me, right? Right?"-Ori thought completely alarmed by the idea._

Ori´s body temperature began to quickly elevate, as he began to blush at her words, and while a few drops of sweat began to appear on his forehead. What was she saying now?

"In fact I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about, so lets be straight, what do you say? May I borrow your artistic tool and make some art?"-Lulla said to the almost petrified Ori.

Ori stood in dead silence, completely froze, not knowing what to do, never had he to deal with that kind of situation, should he say no? That´s the most logical, right? But in the other hand one is suppose to oblige to the lady´s wishes, right? Right?!

"Earth to Ori? Hey?"-Lulla said, snapping her fingers, in order for him to wake up.

"I am…am sorry…lady…but I am afraid I must say…no"

"No? But Ori, I really **need it **I **need it **right now!"

Ori blushed at her tone of voice and his heart quickly began to quicken. Should he say yes? Well she was pretty no doubt of that….but no… that would be wrong… they barely know each other…he must not!

"Maybe some other time miss, with less people around…"-Ori could not finish his sentence since Lulla´s face was now a few centimeters away from his, and she was having a deadly hold on his shirt.

"Ori, **pleaaaase,** I need it **now**, or t**his sensation** will kill me, **you** are the **only one** that can **help **me…"

_Oh No…her eyes…no Ori think straight what you think you are doing!..What if someone finds you? …But in the other hand, the company is quite far from this area, and if I do, I might have an interesting story to tell when I get back..No Ori what's wrong with you!? But I might not have another opportunity!.-Ori thought in distress while he looked at Lulla´s brown eyes._

_Why the hell is he so nervous? Am I that disturbing to him?-Thought Lulla, as she felt the dwarf´s heart beating insanely._

"Al right-t Miss, just d-don´t tell anyone ..."-Ori said defeated. Not entirely sure if what he was doing was right, the hell, he had no idea what he was doing.

"Yeshhhhhhh! Thank you Ori!"-Lulla said, as she turned around to make her overly excited retarded faces, she fell so embarrassed to show to Ori. By the time she turned around, she did it just in time to find Ori stripping his pants.

"Wow, wow! What the hell!? Ori what do you think are doing!?"-Lulla asked alarmed, using her left hand to cover her view and look the other side,

Ori stopped his shirt stripping, confused by the reaction. And Lulla thanked god the shirt was long enough to cover his manhood.

"I was doing what you asked me…"

Lulla looked at him wide eye and gave him a strange look.

"I asked you, if I could borrow your sketchbook and pencils for a while to draw!"

Poor Ori, you should have seen his flustered red face, when he realize what he was about to do.

"Ori what did you thought I asked you to do?"- Lulla asked, but Ori´s mouth could not formulate an adequate answer or excuse, and that's when she realized what have crossed his mind, when she said _needs, sensations, please, _and_ right now_. Now it was her turn to blush and understood how awkward the situation got.

"Oh….you thought… I wanted…."-Lulla couldn´t even finished the sentence. She felt so bad.-"Oh my god! Ori, I´m so sorry!"

"No, no it was my fault….I…should have understood…what you meant"

"No…no I should…have explain better…"-Lulla felt the atmosphere tense more and more at each second passed, so she decided to do he most logical thing.-"You know what…I´ll just go back"

_Oh God Why?!-Thought Lulla._

"No wait!"-Ori said and took his sketchbook."Here…take it miss"

"Thanks…."Lulla said and took it, but back off as soon as she noticed the still lack of pants of the dwarf."Umm Ori…you should put back your pants"-Lulla said looking the other way,

Ori´s blush began to creep again.

"Oh that's right! Hehe" Ori said awkwardly and turned around to grab his pants; Lulla immediately looked away when he kneeled.

"Well I will go now, and don´t worry these never happened, and we will never talked of it again…."-Lulla said and quickly head back to the camp.

Lulla ran as fast as she could back to her sitting spot, not noting Dori who was heading to look for Ori. He in the other hand noticed her, and her still embarrassed red face, and wondered what could have happened to the strange girl, but knowing her, he shrugged it and concluding she was just being strange like always, he decided to continue looking for his brother.

Now what he didn´t expected was finding his little brother, equally flustered red and just finishing putting his pants on. Dori looked at him and then looked at the direction where the human have went…and slowly began to connect the dots.

Ori realized what his brother was thinking and before his Dori´s imagination could go further, Ori stopped it.

"It is no what you think!"

Poor Ori he has now a whole story to explain….

Lulla sat on her spot and tried her best to forget the previous uncomfortable moment. She calmed herself down and quickly began to look for a blank page to draw. She had the notebook now and the pencils, so now nothing would get on her way to make her beloved fanart.

"Human! I need you to use your bear and help on the fishing!"

Except for Thorin of course….

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**2.-Make some Fanart**

Lulla sighed as she finally achieved her moment of peace. She thought she would only have to bring Valentino to the lake and commanded him to fish, but no, Thorin wanted her to fish too! As if convincing Valentino to fish hadn´t been hard enough! However she didn´t last more than 15 minutes, it all took for her to tripped and accidently let free the enormous fish that Thorin had caught with so much effort, for him to kicked her out and send her back to the kitchen.

She smiled evilly at the memory of Thorin´s angry face when she "accidently" send the fish back to the lake. Oh well she left him a 450kg Grizzly to fish, he shouldn´t complain that much. And now she was finally in peace.

She took a deep breath, and passed a finger by the blank page thinking on what would be worth of drawing. She looked at the camping in search for something to draw, and then spotted Kili and Fili carrying some of the mushrooms they found. They seemed to be having a good time, they were both laughing at some story, and seemed to be challenging each other to something as they walk together back to their duty on the forest.

That´s when a wild idea came to her head. KilixFili was so going to be the subject of her fanart, and why not? After all she had a guilty pleasure for shipping brothers. She quickly began to sketch what her disturbed imagination was thinking and slowly start to form her slash drawing. She continued sketching and erasing, sketching and erasing letting all the energy rush ran free and, after an hour her piece was finished.

She took a look at her art, and she must say that she was quite proud of herself, in her opinion was her one of her best jobs, the details were really good and defined both of the dwarfs, but then again when she looked at it she felt like it was missing something.

"Kili, Fili can come here now!"-Thorin´s voice was heard from a far.

An evil grin spread across the human´s face, as an idea quickly made itself through her mind.

_Oh I am so going to hell for this_

Lulla quickly began to sketch Thorin´s tough features and after half hour he was added to the sketch. Now it looked like a FilixThorinxKili moment.

_My god what is wrong with me!?-thought Lulla as she looked at her creation."These is so wrong in so many ways…HAHAHAH there is definitely a special place for me in hell…Oh coffee you always bring the worst of me… Hehe Oh if only I had my camera…or my computer!...Well guess for now I will just keep it for myself…._

Lulla chuckled and carefully began to tear the image from the notebook. She took one last look at it, but before she could put the folded image on her pocket, the page was quickly snatched from her hand.

_Oh shit…._

Lulla turned to her right and found out, to her horror Kili holding the page.

"Hey Lulla what is this?!"-Kili asked curiously.

"Give me back that!"- Lulla screeched in terror and tried to grabbed it, but Kili quickly passed the page to Fili,

"What? Can´t we see your drawings?"-Fili teased, and began to pass from one hand to another the page, meanwhile Lulla tried to grab it back.

"I said give it back!"

Kili and Fili continued to pass the page to each other, and Lulla began to get more and more scared.

_Their eyes are not ready to see the horrors of that_

"I am serious about it!"

Kili and Fili enjoyed the little game, liking every scared face and attempt Lulla made to retrieve the piece of paper out of them. But then curiosity really began to perk on both dwarves, what was really on that piece of paper Lulla was too scared to show them?

"What is this anyway?"-Fili asked as he easily dodged Lulla. Who looked like a dog trying to grab the piece of burger his master was peacefully eating, on a Saturday afternoon. A smiled spread on Fili as an idea came to his head." Don´t tell me is a love poem you made to my brother"

_I rather have you two to think that, than see what's is inside_

"That's none of your business!"-Lulla shouted, now really stressed.

Kili´s curiosity perked, and decided to grab the page.

"I think it is, dear Lulla, now be nice and let us both see"-Kili said while he dodged Lulla again.

Fili easily blocked Lulla´s chance to tackle Kili.

"No let´s see what you have here"-Kili said and began to unfold the paper, on a slow teasing matter.

_Nooo, I am doomed, I am officially doomed, there is no way on Earth I am going to be forgiven by that, they are going to kicked me out! Hell they will kill me! Nooo Kili NOOOOOO! STAHP!_

And while Lulla was helplessly fighting Fili, Kili finally unfolded it and turned to Fili, to smirk, he was about to turn around to see the drawing, but out of the blue a reddish blur came and took the page away.

Kili stared confused at his empty hands, and at the same time, the three turned around, and found no other than Traitor holding on his mouth the page.

A smile of joy quickly spread on Lulla´s face.

"Traitor! My hero!"

Lulla quickly went running towards the squirrel, feeling more affectionate to it than ever. The little animal, already used to her insane ways, just stood still and allowed her to grab him abruptly.

Lulla began to caress the little creature´s head against her cheek. And then saw Fili and Kili coming along side. They looked at her and the creature.

"And as for this"-Lulla said grabbing quickly the page and then making a ball out of it just to introduce it to her mouth, allowing the paper be soaked by her saliva and proceed to chew it. She turned to Kili and Fili. "You are never going to know it's contain"

Fili and Kili looked at each other.

"And if you ever get another of my things without my consent, you will wake up under the lake"-Lulla said as she made a death glare to the dwarves, but of course that glare made no effect on the brothers, since the girl was talking with her mouth and cheeks full.

Fili and Kili just chuckle at the girl´s nature. Lulla didn´t like them chuckling at her, especially if she was trying to be threatening.

"Alright, Lulla you win, we will not messed with your things anymore"-Kili said as he raise his hands on surrender and patted his brother´s back for both to go back to business.

Lulla watched as both brothers leave, and proceeded to swallow the piece. Traitor stood by her side and scratched his head cutely. Lulla looked at him and picked him up.

"It wasn´t that good anyways… come on you and I will become great friends."

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**3.-Avoid Gandalf´s questions**

"Excuse me Bilbo, have you seen Lulla?"-Gandalf asked to the hobbit. Bilbo looked up to Gandalf, he was about to say something, when he noticed Lulla behind a tree, behind Gandalf, she was making signs for him not to say anything." Umm no, I haven´t…"

Gandalf look suspiciously behind him, but find no one.

"Alright… then if you see her, please tell me"

Bilbo nodded, and Gandalf left, while the hobbit wondered in what trouble had her friend on, now.

Gandalf begin to call the young human´s name, as she strategically avoided him. She hide behind a tree and made her way to other. When she was about to leave, she felt a hand of her shoulder tha quickly made her jump.

"Oh there you are Lulla, for a moment I thought you were avoiding me"

Lulla smiled nervously at him.

"No, no way! Hehe, what made you think about that Gandalf?"

"Well you have been hiding behind trees for a while now"

"Oh that, I was just looking for some good fruit for tonight´s dessert"- Lulla said and nodded at her words.

"Aha"-Gandalf said clearly knowing the human had been avoiding him."Well now that we are here do you mind if we continue our conversation?"

"You know that would be a great way to spent the afternoon, but um you see, my bear is right now calling for me to feed him… maybe some other time will be great"-Lulla said and quickly run off from Gandalf.

Gandalf rolled his eyes and continued smoking his pipe.

Lulla ran as fast as she could and ended up at the lake that none of the men had used, and decide it would be a good idea to spent the rest of the day on the tree in front of it, and avoid anymore of the wizard´s questions.

She made her way up to the branch and allowed the leaves, to camouflage her. She sat down and took a deep breathe, remembering how the mess had begun.

**$Flashback$**

Lulla was just feeding her furry hero some nuts she found, while Valentino was lying beside her, relaxing.

"You do realize you look like an idiot, right?"-Tino said looking up to her.

"What are you talking about?! You are a talking bear so don´t speak to me about ridicule,

"I am speaking about the dwarf boy, Kili!"

"What is it with him?!"

"You laugh at everything he says"

"So? He is entertaining"

"Laughing at every stupid joke a guy says, even though is not that funny is a clear sign that you like him"

"What is your point….?"

"That you are as obvious as a middle schooler around her teacher crush, and I can bet a least 10 people in here know about your crush including him"

"Oh please you are exaggerating! Everyone in here knows as much about my crush with Kili as they do about me not being from this world!

"Whatever you say kid…"

Lulla continue feeding Traitor, when suddenly she felt a tall presence beside her. She looked to her side and found Gandalf looking at her with a gentle smile. Lulla greeted the wizard and continued feeding her animal.

"Well I see you have been feeling more comfortable on the company Miss"

"Yeah, well I still have to deal with Thorin, but what can I do, he is in charge"

"Yes he can be stubborn sometimes"

"Stubborn is an understatement!"-Lulla said and Gandalf smiled curiously at her noticing how gentle she was being with the squirrel.

"Can you understand what he says too?"

"What?"-Lulla said looking at him.

"That if you can understand what the squirrel says too, you know like you clearly do with the bear"

Valentino looked at his side when he heard the word bear, but quickly went back to his comfy pose.

"Ohhhh"- Lulla said understanding now, and suspecting where the conversation was going. She looked from the squirrel to Gandalf and deciding that lying about how well she understood animals would bring great expectations she couldn´t fulfill, decides to tell the true.-"No, but I do feel like he understands me"-Lulla said and chuckled.

Valentino let out a fake laugh.

"HAHA as if I could understand anything that goes on your crazy mind, Kid"

Gandalf smiled thinking the sounds the bear just emitted were "agreeing sounds", Lulla just glared at the bear.

"So you can only understand bears…?"

Lulla huffed, he wasn´t going to give up on the subject, so she decided to play along.

"No, I just can understand him"

Valentino let out another laugh.

"HAHAHA Oh yeah, like clearly did when I needed to go on my mating season mission! Yeah I totally have her support!

Gandalf stare weirdly at the bear, and Lulla used all her willing power into not giving the grizzly a good kick on the ribs.

"And why is that? Do you have some ability we don´t know?"

"Annoy the hell out of me!"

"What is he saying?"-Gandalf asked curiously, looking at the bear.

"My rights old man, my freaking rights!"

Lulla glared at him and then turned to Gandalf.

"Oh he is just saying how much he likes being with me..."

Valentino was about to say something, but Lulla kicked his right paw.

"And about your question no…. I just understand him, because… I don´t know, I have him since I was five years old, they gave it to me as a childish whim, for my birthday, I don´t know where they get it from. I just know my grandfather gave it to me and I was so excited for it, I never questioned why I understood him because, I guess I found it natural and my family never made a big deal about that, so I guess its just the years of being with him"

_What kind of explanation is that? Hell, even seven years old kids make better excuses than that!-Thought Lulla as she felt the suspicious atmosphere surround them both._

"You must be really good with animals, Miss Lulla"

"HAAA you should see what happens to every poor fish she brings home"

"So you have lived all your life on Arhon?"-Gandalf continued

"Yeah…"

_What the hell!? What's wrong with Gandalf? Some days ago he didn´t care where I came from! He just let me enter because… I don´t know I was charming! Gandalf you are doing it wrong, you are not supposed to question me you are supposed to be understanding and supportive!_

"And haven´t you got homesick, yet? It must be tough to leave home, especially one you have been all your life"

"Well what can I say, I do sometimes, but I think this journey is good for me, I don´t want to spent all my life on the same place, with the same commodities, and having no story to tell my grandkids, or never be able to feel some sort of exciting experience"-Lulla said this time honest, and thinking of her real home life.

"You are doing something admirable, Lulla"-Gandalf said and smiled at the human. Lulla smiled and look at his blue eyes.

"Thank you"-Said Lulla and thought the questions were finally over.

"Yeah, Gim would be proud"-Gandalf said

"Who?"-Lulla asked innocently, but back off as soon as she realize the stupidity she made. Suspicion was clearly written again all over the wizard´s blue eyes.

"You know, your family´s friend, the one that told you about this…."

"Yeah, I know, sorry I, I thought I heard you said Tim, and I was like I don´t know any Tim, hehe"-Lulla chuckled nervously-"You see this is the reason why I have to take a shower! I am starting to get dirty on my ears"

Gandalf looked skeptically at her, and Lulla knew he wasn´t buying anything, so before he could make anymore uncomfortable questions, she did what her instinct told her to do.

"What´s that Tino? You are having diarrhea!?' Alright I am taking you to a tree"-Lulla said at loud, even if clearly the bear wasn´t making any sound at the moment.

"Say what?"-Said the grizzly confused.

Lulla gave him a looked and Tino began to make fake pain sounds.

"Ahhh... It hurts….ahh…I am seeing the light...help me Lulla…help me"

"And speaking about bears, here is one that needs me, sorry Gandalf it was a lovely conversation but I got to go…see you around!"

And before Gandalf, could respond to her behavior, she was quickly gone, leaving only a cloud of dust.

**$Back to Reality$**

Lulla sighed and hit her forehead against a branch in exasperation.

_Stupid, Stupid!Why did I have to do such a stupid mistake? Why? Why? Why didn´t I just said Oh yeah Gim, even though I had no idea who he was talking about. Now I will never get Gandalf off my back…_

But the human´s inside rant was then interrupted, by some rustles and steps coming. She panicked thinking it was going to be Gandalf and that he will quickly found her, but then quickly calm herself when she saw it was only Kili and Fili.

She smiled and prepared herself, for jumping and giving them a heart attack. That would have been a great idea, if it wasn´t because her shirt got stuck with a branch. She tried to pull it as hard as she could, but by the time when she was done, she was no longer interest on scaring them. Not only because the brothers were now out of distance, but also because the brothers were just now stripping in front of the tree…Wait what?.

_Oh of course! They had to decide to take there manly bath, just when I hide on the tree in front of them! Of course!_

She quickly turned her head around, by the time they removed their pants, but her eyes made a quick glance and catch a small glimpse of the brothers´ behind, as they go in the water. And she had to say…not bad…not bad at all.

_Not Bad…looks like you two ate all the vitamins mom told you…. Hehehe, Oh for God´s sake, pull yourself together woman…_

Seeing that getting off the tree now, would make her look like pervert, she decides to remain in silence and wait for them to leave (and meanwhile enjoy the sight of a wet Kili).

The brothers remained some moments in silence…enjoying the good temperature of the water. That was until Fili decided it was enough silence and decided to ask.

"So what you think about Lulla"-Fili asked turning around to his brother and made Lulla almost los her balance, as she quickly began to accommodate on a better listening pose.

"Lulla is entertaining!"

_Of course I am!_

"Yeah don´t know why didn´t we have her walk with us before, she is crazy"-Said Kili smiling at the memory of the interesting morning they had.

"And is all over you…"-Fili commented smirking at Kili.

_Why?_

"I know…"-Kili said and let out a half smile.

_WHY?! OF ALL THE THINGS WHY?! COME ON I CAN´T BE THAT OBVIOUS, I CAN´T BE ANYOMORE OBVIOUS THAN I AM TO GANDALF ABOUT NOT BEING FROM HERE!_

"So?"-Pushed Fili

"So what?"-Kili responded

"What do you think about her?"

Lulla was now so close to the branch´s edge, that she got a little closer and Fili and Kili actually paid attention to the rustles on the trees, they would have bust her.

"She is crazy…..but she is a good person…and tries hard to fit on this quest, we have to give her credit for that! And for putting with uncle's mood"

_And for saving your ass last night, asshole! Ha! Credit? You should all give me monument for surviving freaking Scorpion!_

Fili along with Kili let out a chuckle.

"Yeah poor Lulla never gets to get off Thorin´s nerves!"-Said Fili, remembering today´s order against Lulla.

"We definitely got to give her credit for that."- Kili commented, also remembering today´s order.

_Credit? Again, I am still waiting for my golden medal._

"And for her food"-Fili said.-"She save us from having to put with anymore of Nori´s food, Can you imagine the rest of our quest, if she had never decided to cook!"

Fili said and fake shudder at the image.

"Thorin would have fired her by now, and we would have all die from food poisoning"- Kili said and both brother laughed.

Both brothers remained in silence.

"I like her"-Fili finally said.

"Yeah me too"-Kili agreed

_They do like me!? About time for something good to happen!_

"And she is pretty…"-Commented Kili

_Say what? OMG, omg! Ha well of course I am Kili!-Thought Lulla as she went full retarded mode, and let out a small squeak._

"You heard that?"-Asked Fili

Lulla immediately covered her mouth, and pray for them to forget it. But as soon as Kili and Fili where about to forget it, Traitor appeared out of nowhere and began to walk all over the branches, making them to shake.

"You see there is again"-Said Fili

_My god! Traitor you where my hero just a while ago, don´t screw things up, stay still, stay still._

"I think it comes from that tree"-Kili said and pointed at the tree where Lulla was, making her panic and go hysteric mode.

_OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT THIS TIME I AM FOR REAL SCREWED NOOOOO PLEASE I JUST HEARD YOU SAY YOU GUYS LIKE ME I HAVE NO NEED FOR YOU TO CHANGE YOUR MIND AND THINK I´M PERVERT! PLEASE GOOOOD MAKE THEM LEAVE! OH FOR GOD´S SAKE TRAITOR STOP MOVING!_

"Yeah it's from that tree"-Kili confirmed and rapidly began to approach the tree along with his brothers (now both with their pants on).

_Fuck you traitor, you will not be forgiven by this._

But before both brothers could see who was on the tree, and how much of a pervert she was for watching them getting naked, Thorin came to the spot.

"Kili, Fili, I need you to help Bofur and Bilbo gathered some things"

_Thorin you don´t know how happy is making me your presence right now!...Did I really say that?_

Kili and Fili shrugged and decide to fulfill their uncle´s request. Lulla smiled with joy and watch as both dwarves finished putting the rest of their clothes and leave.

_Yes, YES, YESSSSS! THANKS GOD YOU ARE AWESOME….NO WAIT TRAITOR WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING, STOP BITTING THAT NO! NO, NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

And with that a thud was heard along with a branch and Lulla falling to the ground, and traitor landing gracefully above them.

"Ouch…"-Lulla groaned as she rubbed her sore head and proceeded to open her eyes, just to find a wild Thorin looking down at her."Oh….oh hi Thorin…"

"Can I know what on earth where you doing above there?"-Thorin asked preparing himself to deal with the human´s stupidity again.

"Em…uh..eh"-Lulla babbled

"Were you spying on my nephews while they took a bath?"-Asked a really annoyed Thorin.

"No!"-The human answer abruptly,-"I was just looking…for…my squirrel..."

"Aha…"-Thorin answered skeptical.-"Are you sure it had nothing to do with Kili?"

_What the Fuck…. Since when does Thorin know about that? Am I really that obvious that even Don´t give a shit Thorin knows?_

"Of course NOT! What Kind of girl you take me for!?"-Lulla asked offended.

_One who draws perverted fanart of KilixFilixThorin_

Thorin smirked at the human´s blushed face and exaggerated reaction, and decided to play along.

"I certainly not know human, after all I found you with my nephew half naked and you with an ax this morning, I don´t know what goes inside that insane mind of yours"

"I already told you Thorin! Your nephew was sleepwalking, and I found and ax that I thought it could be a great gift for Gloin!"

_And that he so suspiciously did not accepted…_

"So you are telling me you don´t wish to see my nephew naked"-Thorin said as he got closer to Lulla."Or you don´t wish to see any men naked"-Thorin finish smirking at Lulla and just a few inches away from her.

WHAT THE FUCK…? WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS?! SINCE WHEN THORIN TEASES LIKE THAT?! THAT IS NOT TEASE THAT'S FLIRT….AND THERE IS NO WAY ON HELL, THORIN THE ASSHOLE IS FLIRTING WITH ME.

Thorin laughed at the redness on the human´s face and her noticeable absence of answer. Lulla gave her a questioning look, as he stepped away from her.

"You are interesting human…now please leave, I would like to take my bath alone… you know the one you are not allowed to take until everyone is clean?-Thorin said as he began to take his shoes off and turned to smirk evilly at her.

_YOU SON OF A BANSHEEE!_

Lulla could not believe how much of an asshole Thorin could be. In fact, she couldn´t even process the amount of assholeness on his actions, yet. So she stood there for a while, just standing up, trying to understand what had just happen.

_Thorin you asshole, you scumbag! How dare you! How dare you!? I swear I am going to drown you tonight in these very same lake I swear you are the biggest asshole this….since when you have your back so tone….?-_Lulla though the last as he saw Thorin removing his shirt, and that´s when she realize two things, one: Thorin had a nice back…. And two: She was still standing there like and idiot while Thorin kept undressing.

"Are you still here?"-Thorin said turning around.

And three: Thorin had good pectorals

"What? Did you saw something you like?"-Thorin said smirking at her,

Lulla quickly recovered her pride and scoffed.

"As if ! I am leaving now!"-She said completely pissed and completely humiliate.

"Alright just please, don´t hide on the bushes and spy on me too"

It took about all Lulla´s willpower and tripping on rock, for her not to make him the bad sign.

After that, she mentally swore revenge against everyone.

Oh poor Lulla if only she knew what was coming next ….

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Oh Lulla, you always make us feel lucky about not being you. Well guys, these concludes today chapter, and today´s top three. See ya all on the next chapter as we find out what Lulla´s ultimate succeed or most likely ultimate fail and troubles she will get into. Hope you all have a nice week, good night

-Obnoxious POV

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**A/N: And there goes today´s chapter, next part will be up soon, hope you all like it and hope you have a nice weekend!**

**Good Night All!**

**Until next chapter :D **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The second life of Valentino Tanner**

**Obnoxious POV**

**And I was like if you are seriously expecting me to go out with you again, you better put a bit more effort next time on the restaurant you choose. I mean… like seriously the guy actually had the nerve to take me to a filthy fast food restaurant and I am like seriously you are…..Oh Hey! Didn´t see you there…What? No, not you, I meant the readers….yeah they are back…sorry hun I´ll call you later...of course I will go! I just need to get rid of them…See ya later, bye. **

**Okay so you are here…again…wow…I was beginning to think… they had finally stopped writing this thing…. Oh well…lets see…hmmm chapter 10 already? Never thought they would get so far…Ughhh Damn this isn´t fair! I was planning to catch up in some of my series… well, I guess that will have to wait…. Alright the story must go on!**

**Good Evening folks! Wow Third Chapter already as a solo stand narration by me? These people must like me a lot. Anyway well as you remember, last chapter Lulla got to see 4 half-naked men on a day… Hmm maybe things are turning well for her after all! So ….*sigh*… Really?! Are we still in the same damn forest we were last chapter?! You got to be kidding me!... We STILL ARE on the SAME shitty day we were two chapters ago? Come on guys what kind of time transition is this!? **

**Okay, I shouldn´t judge the author´s ways….. Emmm let´s see…Oh you know what? Fuck this! No seriously! I have already narrated for a whole two consecutive chapters! You have no idea how exhausting this is to me; I even thought the author wasn´t going to write this anymore! No I´m sorry I just can´t, I got a bunch of better things to do and stories to narrate. So there I am done, let the child narrate this time! See you later when at least a freaking week has passed!**

**OOOOOOOO**

**Normal POV**

"I hate him! I hate him!"-I rant at my Valentino, as I began to walk back and forth in order to get my frustration out.

**OOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

**Okay you know what? I think I had enough of this girl, I mean seriously poor bear! How can he deal with her mood swings all day long? This bear is a hero! A fucking Hero! And you know what the sad part about it? I know nothing about him! Is like Chapter 10 (Chapter 11 because of the AN the author was so stupid to not removed) already and I know nothing about him! What are his hobbies? What does he do when Lulla is messing around? Is he okay? Does he miss home? Does he have some terminal disease we don´t know about? Is he on a secret mafia? Has he meet Mila Kunis? I don´t know! And you know what I want to know, yeah that´s right! I want to know what does the fucking bear does! So if anybody is going to steal my spotlight tonight, that will be the bear. So congratulations Valentino you will narrate today's chapter**

"**What? You mean someone actually wants to listen to me"**

"**Well not really, but I need someone who can narrate tonight while I go to Eris´s party…eh I mean while I go to volunteer at the homeless animal shelter, and I am not willing to give Lulla another Solo stand narration, so could you make me the favor or will I have to make the fat redhead dwarf narrate instead?"**

"**Nah it´s okay, I have nothing better to do"**

"**Good, then I leave them to you"**

"**Alright, I will take care of them. Bye Omniscient Obnoxious POV, I hope you have fun!**

"**I will, see you later, bye"**

**OOOOOOO**

**Valentino´s POV**

"I hate him! I hate him!"-Lulla ranted, as she walk back and ford in order to make a more dramatic rant and there for to make a much more "dramatic impact". Oh sweet honey iced tea, why did I gave her that coffee in the first place?

"Don´t you think you are exaggerating?-I started trying to reason with the hormonal teenager.

"Exaggerating?"-She snapped-"You should have seen him!"-she rambled at me, while I couldn´t look less interested."He humiliated me! He deserves pay back!"

_I can see a headache coming…_

"I don´t think some teasing deserves and elaborate plan of revenge"-I said as I began to gathered some stones and start to pile them on a nice tower.

_Oh sweet stones you always make me feel better_

"It is not just for the teasing Tino!It is for the fact he has become person a personal pain in the ass!"-She said.

_Oh yeah and meanwhile, polar bears are staying without their home. Jesus am I suppose to understand this? Am I supposed to say "yeah you are right!". Is she actually expecting me to agree with her? _

"As much as you have become one to him"- I retorted nonchalantly, perfectly knowing what kind of effect this was going to have on her.

_3….2….1_

"What?!"-She snapped, and I sighed."What do you mean by that?!"

I decided to play the role of her voice of reason, since she wasn´t planning to listen to her own any time soon. It was always like this if she got angry she would rant at me about how unfair everything was to her, she would plot some revenge she would never actually accomplish, she would swear to change herself into ways she would never actually do, and then finally she would calm herself with the internet and come to her senses, and forget anything that had happened previously, and go back to normal. But since there was no internet to calm her down and she was under the coffee influence, it was all to me now.

"Come on Kid you delay the man from his important mission just for you to take a bath!"-I commented, this seemed to taken her aback a bit, but it was too soon for her to loose this battle, so she quickly attempted to recover.

"And provisions!"-She tried

"No that was Gandalf´s idea, your idea was to spend a whole day making yourself a beauty spa, despite of the risk of exposing the company to the enemy"-I retorted back, using my guilty element, however this didn´t seemed to have much effect on her.

"Oh come on, nothing dangerous or interesting has happen for the last days, other than me almost getting killed by the Spirit!"-She said.-"And you know what? The least I deserved after I spend all my night saving Kili´s ass, was a relaxing bath!"

She was getting louder than what my head could support, and after few seconds my headache was unleashed. I made a vigorous attempt to formulate my right argument, but as soon as I opened my mouth to emit it, the kid shut it down with her own loud words.

"Thorin denied me my only award for saving Kili"

I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of her statement.

_Oh lord what a tragedy! We should totally call the National Force to arrest him for such crimes! Okay, I know she is just arguing just for not to loose against me, and that deep down she knows she is doing wrong, but this is ridiculous!_

"Oh please Kid, he isn´t that bad

"Not that bad? Not that bad! Did you even listen to his order this morning? He banned me from taking my bath, a bath I totally deserved for spending all night saving his nephew´s ass, until he and his men shower first! Bad enough is that I am the woman who cooks, and the only one who doesn´t fight, I don´t need anymore sexist references on me, like having my priorities second to the men!"

_Oh lord, she is going for the sexism now? Really Kid? Really?_

"To his credit, he has already taken a bath, as well as his nephews"- I said as I finish piling my rocks, just for her to carelessly stepped on them and destroyed my stress management tower.

"Yes, but now I still have to wait for other 12 stinky men to shower first! You see, you see how twisted his evil mind works, he wants to give me false hopes, because he knows his men wont take a shower, and for I won´t be able to take bath!"

I sighed, this was getting nowhere.

"Kid, your theories are worse than the alien ones in those T.V documental"

"That's it; we start Operation Doom right now!"-She said, determination clear on her eyes, but the kind of determination that would vanish as soon as she realized how complicated her plan was. However, it was either stopped her now or have to listen to her complains about not accomplishing her operation for another half-hour.

"Kid, stop it, Thorin may annoy you, but taking revenge on him will only make things worse than they already are"

"Why do you defend him so much?"-She suddenly snapped."You see, this is the reason why I always took Mr. Fluffy instead of you to the trips!"

_Oh hell no, she wasn´t going to bring that stupid rabbit into this!_

"The only reason you took that stupid rabbit instead of me, was because I wouldn´t fit on your bag…."

"As if!"-She interrupted me. "Well at least he didn´t defend the guy who is being an asshole to me, as if he had a crush on him or something…"

_Whoa! Whoa! What the hell?… Is she really running out of arguments that bad? _

"What? Kid you aren´t making any sense"

"Just tell me do you have a crush on Thorin or what?"-She crossed her arms and looked at me impatiently

"Jesus Christ! Of course not"-I exclaimed."Where do you get those stupid ideas?"

_Seriously!_

"Well, I don´t know you are defending him way too much, and besides you and Winnie the Pooh used to end up on compromising positions whenever I came back from school."-She said and raised an eyebrow at me.

_What the hell! I couldn´t even move during that time! How could I have possibly…Ugh… why do I even bother into reason with her?_

"First of all those positions only happened, because your bedroom was the equivalent of a battlefield and in a matter or days your stuff would appear on the most remote areas…should I recall the rotten ribs under your bed?-I inquired and she scoffed at me.-"That was until a week later when you decided to actually clean your room, because there was no space left to step on. And secondly the only reason why I defend him so much, it is because if you do something to him, he will kick you out of the company for sure, and guess what kid? We will be by our own with no protection and no food. And I don´t know if you have noticed it kid, but Thorin accepted you despite you not knowing anything about fighting nor surviving, as well as saved you from the trolls, so please be a bit more grateful with the guy ,who is the only reason why we haven´t got killed yet"

She stood dead silent, and I could see her internal battle about to whether to accept my points in defeat or not.

"Besides, if you get kicked out, guess who will have to deal with your tantrums?"

"I hate when you are right"-"Fine, I won´t do anything to Thorin…operation doomed was way too complicated anyway…"

_I knew It was only matter of time. She is a good kid…sometimes…_

"Thank you kid"-Now see how easy it is when you recon…

"But in the other hand Operation doom 2.2 is way much more easier to perform..."-She said as a sinister grinned quickly took place on her features…

"Kid!"-I panicked

"What? I am not going to use it against Thorin, but as I said before I still got to wait for other 12 men to wash, and I don´t know about you have notice, but it is already afternoon and I see none with either the motivation or the intention to wash, so I will just have to push them a bit"

_WHY? Why? This isn´t fair…I have always been a good teddy…_

"Kid If we get kicked out and I have to deal with your cries for a whole couple of weeks"-I stated.-" I swear I will…"

"Relax, Operation doom 2.2 is much simpler than you think"-She said, and I could see the determination on her eyes, now this time it was the kind that wouldn´t easily go away, and I got to admit this time…I was a bit worry.

"What will you do "-I asked a bit afraid of the answer.

"I will use my charming personality and power of convincing and make them to do it"

_Could have been worse…Al right I think I can work with that!_

"And if that fails?"-I asked, watching as she walked around the area in circles, while her mind processed her evil plans.

"Then I will have to elaborate a much more intelligent plan"

"Fine by me"- I said. To this point I was okay, as long as they didn´t kicked us out

"And you will help me"

Now that was something I couldn´t work with…

_Please someone help me…_

**OOOOOOO**

So basically Lulla tried to use her charisma to convince the dwarves into taking a shower, until now most attempts took us nowhere, and most of them decline her offer, I watched rather amused at her stubbornness to each rejection.

"Not right now

"I am busy"

"No"

"No"

"Later"

"Get away from me"

"Sure Lulla, just as soon as they do it first"

"I will wait until is a bit late, I don´t feel very comfortable taking a bath outside during daylight"

**OOOOOOOOOOO**

I sighed exhausted.

_Ugh… this is taking way too long...come on Kid I got things to do! You know what? You will be fine without me… My head hurts and I am hungry…_

Deciding that Lulla would be okay without me I decide to go off to Mc Donald and see what the special they had today. Quickly and discreet, I sneak away from Bilbo and the other dwarves whose names I still rather confused from each other, in search for a place out of sight.

I hid behind a tree, and after checking no one was watching, I teleported to the real world, and into some McDonalds in Arizona. I could smell their delicious greasy meat even from outside the parking lot. To be honest I have always been curious about the human´s fascination for fast food, and ever since I taste my first hamburger, I can´t blame for that.

_Oh sweet McDonalds, let your meat clog my arteries!_

I made my way into the restaurant and began to wait at the line. Some people glanced at me and were a bit startle by me appearance, no not because there was a freaking 405kg grizzly waiting in the line, but because they thought I was some crazy guy wearing a heavy 405kg costume, at a 28 C° temperature, on a really crowd McDonalds.

I was, as always, really careful into not making any facial gesture, as if my head was some mask I was wearing. I didn´t need them to get hysterical about me, at least not before I had my meal.

A man with a horse head waved at me rather excitedly, from the back of the restaurant, and I just wave him back. After a couple of minutes the people stopped putting their attention to me and my turn had come.

"Welcome sir, what can I do for you?"-The young cashier asked me.

"I want two double bacon please, with onion rings and soda"- I answered

"Sure, it will be right in a minute. Next!"

I wait patiently at the table. Oh how I loved fast food, if wasn´t because of it, I would had to survive from Lulla´s food all this weeks, not that it was bad, but I almost never got a descent portion of it, since the guzzler dwarves devoured the food like rabid pigs, living me only a miserable piece of leftovers. Sure Lulla saved me some, but come one I wasn´t a teddy bear anymore! One plate wasn´t enough!.

I glanced at the people, all where minding their own business now, and for a moment I almost considered eating in here. But I quickly, thought it twice and knew better into not calling for attention. So by the time my order was ready, I just paid the cashier and left. And when I was out of sight, I teleported myself, to a more private place.

**:::: Somewhere in Canada ::::**

I lay down on the soft snow, it was cold but my corporal fat did not allow me to feel it. I took a deep breath, making sure my snow would take note into the smell of the forest. I was really relaxed and my headache was now gone. I shrugged and start eating my burger…

"Hola Tino!"

I looked up, as soon as I heard her Spanish voice. Rebecca was standing just a few meters in front of me. My whole heart stopped as soon as she saw my gorgeous crush I have been dating all this week, ever since we had met in here.

"Hello Rebecca, ready to go to our date?"-I asked her and she smile excitedly. Oh how I loved her smile.

"Claro! Que tienes planeado para hoy?"

"Have you go to the Big Apple?"- I asked on my flirting voice, completely forgetting my hamburger

"No, pero una vez le robe a un turista su camisa, y tenia la foto de la ciudad allí!"

"Pues prepárate querida hoy vamos para Nueva York!"

"Woooh!"-She screamed in happiness, as she clapped both of her paws.

She took my arm and we disappear from the forest.

Did I mentioned, that I know how to speak fluent Spanish?

**OOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**(Against it's will) Obnoxious POV**

" Huru rkoeko ksñakñdk kñsakñd"-Bifur said, or at least that´s what the human understood when the dwarf made an answer for her request. But whatever he had actually said, Lulla was almost sure it was a no.

The human sighed defeated. She couldn´t believe it, none of them was willing to shower now, and it looked like the more she asked, the more they refused to accept her offer! Not even Bilbo, who despite he want to, wasn´t feeling really comfortable about doing it at daylight, so he was just waiting for it to get a bit darker.

Lulla began to angrily kick the tree´s bark, secretly imagining it was Thorin´s face.

_Stupid Thorin! Stupid dwarves, stupid day! Thank you universe, into making another promising looking day fail! Thank you Thorin for ruining once again my mood! Fuck you guys, fuck every single of you who are on this stupid company! Why did I even came into this world? I can´t do anything! If I knew my life would have been like this, with the people in here giving no fuck about me, I would have rather stayed at home, with my stupid boring life! At least in there I knew what was going to happen! Oh hell no! You are not crying in here, tears you better pull back or else I will squeeze you to death…take this tree and this! And this!_

Kili and Fili were just passing by the anger management zone of the forest, when they spotted Lulla kicking fiercely the poor pine tree. Both brothers glance at each other, wondering what the strange human was now up to.

"Hey Lulla what are you doing?"-Kili asked a bit surprise and yet not so surprise with the human´s behavior.

_Dancing the Swan´s Lake! What does it look like I´m doing, Kili!?_

"Just practicing my self defense lessons"-Lulla said sarcastically, though none of the brothers seemed to catch it.

_Stupid Kili, with his stupid good looking face and his stupid obvious questions. Stupid tree and his stupid thick bark, you are not helping at all to relieve my life frustrations!_

"Oh alright then we won´t interrupted you"- Kili said as both brothers start to leave.

"Oh by the way Lulla"-Fili said as he step back."Thorin wants you to start preparing dinner"

"Tell Thorin he can go fuck himself"-Lulla said under her breath.

"What was that?"-Fili asked not really catching what the young human had say,

"That tell Thorin I will began the dinner right away"-Lulla said on fake happy tone.

_Yeah as soon as I break this tree in half, or better yet when all his crew allows me to take a shower! Or better yet when you tell me you love me! And for once my life goes as I want!_

"Alright!"-Fili said and went back to his business.

Lulla smile and waved at them, as they left, but as soon as she did, she began to kicked and punch the tree with every possible part of her body.

_Stupid journey! Stupid day of shit!Stupid life I was place in!_

And then she hit the tree with her own head….

And that's when she lost it…

FUCK MY LIFE! FUCK THIS SHIT! I AM GOING TO TAKE TODAY MY SHOWER, EVEN IF IS THE LAST THING I DO! AND FOR GOD´S SAKE WHERE IS THAT DAMN PIECE OF BEAR!? VALENTINO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

**OOOOOOOOOOO**

**Meanwhile**

It was a lovely day in New York, people where taking walks in the parks, other running towards works, and a couple dressed on bear customes was skating ever so gracefully at Rockefeller, while they received the most curious stares.

"Look Mommy those guys are dress in bear customs!"-A seven year old point with his tiny finger at the odd couple, while he tried his best into not slip on the thick ice.

"Oh yes they are! Huh, what a bunch of crazy people are in here"-The mother said as she discreetly pushed her son away from the strange couple, her mind only wondering in how could that people even skate with the heavy looking costumes.

What the New Yorkers didn´t knew was that said couple was actually grizzly bears, brown grizzly bears with the ability to make people understand their language and could speak three fluent languages, or at least that was what the male beast could do.

Some people were already filming them with their cell phones, cameras, and monstrous iPads, as the couple laughed with each other and performed tricks only professional ice-skaters could.

"Hmm they must be Asian"-Said the mother as she eyed the couple suspiciously, finding that theory the only way that they could skate so professionally even with those heavy costumes on.

"HAHAH Levantame Tino!"-Becca ordered and Valentino happily obeyed, as he lifted the heavy female above his head, making the crowd that was watching all the show cheer and clapped at them.

Valentino got a bit cocky and start to show off, gracefully and skillfully skating in circles, even with the heavy female on her arms. When he finished showing off, the crowd screamed, not because of his performance, but for the 450kg female grizzly that was falling towards their directions, after the male grizzly accidently dropped her sometime during his performance.

"AAHHHH!"

**OOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Meanwhile**

"I swear once I found him, I am going to kill that bear! How can he abandon me now! He is probably eating somewhere"-Lulla mumbled to herself, while she search for Ori´s notebook." What is it taking him so long?!"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOO**

"Alright, guys you know now what you have to do now, so are you ready now?!"- The parachute instructor asked to the oddly dressed couple, in the helicopter.

"Hell yeah!"-Valentino said as he put his fist up in the air

"We were born ready!"-Rebecca said her voice loud and full of energy. The parachute instructor laughed at the enthusiasm of the couple.

"That´s what I like to hear!"-The instructor said as he looked at the couple.-"You know you are the strangest and best couple I ever instructed, but before you jumped I got to know what´s with the customs?"

"Well I´ll put it like this, normal people would come with comfortable clothes, but it takes a whole bunch of guts to do it with this awesome customs!"-The grizzly said and gave a warrior scream. The instructor laughed once more

"Ademas, we will upload it to YouTube"-Becca said as she took her video camera.

"We definitely need more people like you"-The brunette man said as he passed one of his hands through his wavy hair-"Well enough chattering, are you ready now?!"

"Yep, can you give us some music please?"-Becca asked as she turned on her camera. The Australian instructor nod and turned on the stereo, YMCA by the Village People was now playing.

"Lista amor?"-Tino asked.-"A la cuenta de tres"

"1, 2, 3!"- The couple count and ended up jumping from the window, the Australian gave us a thumps up and watch as they start falling.

The bears hold their hands together as the adrenaline rushed through their veins, and the air hit their bodies, both laughing like maniacs.

"BEST DAY EVER!"-Becca screamed.

**OOOOOOOOOOO**

**Meanwhile**

"Traitor come back here! You useless little piece of fur!"-Lulla screamed as she run after the rodent, that had so gleefully taken her notebook."Give me that!"

Lulla chase after Traitor, across the camping, lake and forest, earning some strange looks from the dwarves, to be honest she looked like maniac running after meat, Thorin watched as she passed by him, and almost threw him out of balance, he rolled his eyes and shook his head in annoyance, while he questioned her mental state.

Lulla continued running, she was getting closer to it, Traitor was just a few inches away, but as soon she was about to catch him, her foot tripped with a strategically placed root, and made the young human rolled down the small hill, passing through every stone and stick, before landing on her face.

_You know suicide can be an option now… _

**OOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Meanwhile (Valentino POV)**

"And in another note, one of the strangest acts of crime has take place here in Las Vegas! A group of criminals have stole more than 300,000,000 from The Venetian Casino but that is not the strangest think, the strange thing is that the group of criminals is no other than a couple dressed on grizzly bear costumes. The police is now taking action into the situation, and is on its way to catch the two robbers, who are now running away on a white stolen Volvo…"

"Mira cielo, estamos en la tele!"-Becca pointed at the T.V of our new car, I glanced at the screen, while I did my best into not running over any civilian and also tried to evade the police. I love the feeling of the adrenaline on my veins.

"Can´t believe they still think we are humans!"-I said as I chuckled."What a bunch of idiots!"

I made a quick turn on the curve, while Becca and I screamed in delight.

"Look sweetheart, we are on live"-I said as the news showed the footage.-"Want to give a message?"

"Claro!"-Becca said and quickly pulled down the window. "Cortersia de la casa!"-Becca screamed and threw a few dollar out of the window.

If you are wondering, we didn´t actually stole the money, someone trick us and gave it to us, but who is going to believe two grizzly bears anyway?

As soon as we got to the road, we threw away the case by the window.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Meanwhile (Obnoxious POV)**

"Shit! Wonderful, just wonderful!"-Lulla said to no one in particular and then looked up towards the sky.-"Thanks, universe this was just what I needed to lifting up my mood, step on shit!"-Lulla said and stepped away from the dump, just for her foot to step in another.

"_I really hope Valentino is having a bad day…."_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Valentino POV**

"Hoy fue uno de los días mas divertidos de roda mi vida, Tino!"-Rebecca said, and look at me with her delicious black eyes.

"I am glad you like it, love"- i said and gave her a charming smile. We were now under a stereotypically romantic sunset, above a roof of a bulding in some part of Madrid.

"I mean, skating in New York, parachutes, a thrilling persecution in Las Vegas, and dancing flamenco in Spain! En serio eres la mejor pareja que una osa pueda tener!"-She said and pulled me on tight hug

"And you are the most amazing bear I have met in my life"- I said as I hugged her back. I could smell her pheromones she was in heat…

"Tino I love you, y quiero que seas el padre de mis crias"

_She wants me to be the father of her cubs?_

"Lo dices en serio?"-I asked a bit unsure, but who was I kidding I had trully made one of the best mating rituals, no bear could ever perform.

"Claro que si amor, come on make me yours…"

In with that I teleported us to some hotel room…in well honestly I have no idea where we were. She quickly put herself on the bed.

_Oh god how I love large women! Wait we are going to mate hear? On a human hotel room? Is not that kind of unsanitary?_

"Cariño, what is taking you so long"-She said on a longing and sexy voice.

_Oh well, who cares, besides we two are much cleaner than most of the humans hosted in here._

"You want me that badly?!"-I said on a teasing matter

"Claro"-she said. I smirked at her and approached. I like the odor her body was emitting, it meant she was fertile and ready.

I was about to mount her, when suddenly, out of the blue, the reddish squirrel popped in front of me and on Rebecca's back holding in it´s mouth the teleporting stone I left him in case of emergency.

"Ah! What the hell man!?"- I screeched at the squirrel, he just looked at me."I told you to only use that stone in case of emergencies! Now I only got one left!"

"Squeek Squeek, Squeek"

I growled in annoyance

"Really Traitor? Really? Can´t you just fixed that by own? I am kind of busy in here"-I said pointing at Rebecca while I gave her an apologetically smile.

"Squeek Squeek Squeek"

"What do you mean she is planning to do something stupid? What is she planning now?"

"Squeek"

"Traitor, the whole point of coming here and taking me away from my business, it s because you know or at least have a small idea of what she is going to do!"

"Squeek Squeek"

I sighed, for he got a point. Typical Kid, puts her problems before mine. Damn it! You know for an eighteen year old she still need the supervision of an 8 years old.

"Fine! I will go…"-I said reluctantly, then looked at Rebecca, she looked disappointed."Sorry love but Lulla needs me"

"Quien diablos Lulla?!"-She asked suddenly, both menacingly and jealous-"Do you have another mate you are not telling me about?! Ya veras maldito cabron cuando te ponga las garras encima!"-Rebecca threatened in her fluent Spanish language, while she let out a furious growl and approached at me furiously.

"No, no, Love is not what you think! Lulla is the human I talked you about, the one that is in another dimension, remember?!"-I said beginning to really fear for my life

"Oh you mean the hormonal teenager you are looking after since she was 7?"- She said changing her mood on instance.

_Scary female hormones_

"Yes sweetheart, the same one!"- I reassure her, half nervous she would snapped again.

"Oh what a relief, por un momento pensé que tenias otra hembra"

"Tu bien sabes que no hermosa"-I said and she smile sweetly, while I took a deep breathe of relief.-"I am sorry Rebecca, I guess our romantic night will have to wait"

"Its okay, I know she needs you, go to her, we can finish this later and on a more sensual place"- She said on a teasing matter as she winked at me.

_Oh boy, Kid it better be important!_

"Oh here"-I said and hand him my last teleporting rock.-"Find me when you are ready-

I winked at her and pulled the squirrel to my back, preparing both to teleport.

I let out a sad sigh, as I prepare myself to go back to my personal hell in the form of an 18 year old.

_Whatever I did in my past life must have been really horrible_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

We were back to the woods, and none of the dwarves seemed to be around. I looked at Traitor and he just licked his leg. We start searching for the kid, and she seemed to appear nowhere.

We continued searching until I spotted her writing at a notebook furiously and with a bandage wrapped around her forehead and her clothes and face cover in dirt. I approached to her; she didn´t seemed to have taken notice of me, though, so I cleared my throat loudly.

"What happened to you?"- I asked as I took a look to her condition, to be honest the bandage kind of worried me.

"I hit my head against a tree and rolled down a hill"-She said not glancing once at me, all her attention on her notebook.

"How?..."

"Don´t asked…."-She cut me off, and I knew I wasn´t going to receive any more answers about the subject, but since she didn´t seemed to have brain damage or lesions, I decided to change the subject.

"I am guessing plan A didn´t work, huh?"-I asked trying to break her off from her intense writing. She tossed both her pencil and notebook, and looked at me. I knew what was coming but I was already prepared, she was going to give me her rant report of the day.

"Bwalin and Dawlin merely ignored my quest, Bombur didn´t even paid attention to me, Ori practically avoided me and ran every time I tried to approached him, Dori kept giving me strange looks, Gloin practically ignored me, I understood nothing that came out of Bifur´s mouth, and the rest only said "Maybe later Miss Lulla", and by later they meant never! Does my opinion don´t matter in here?! Am I really just the woman on the kitchen in here?!"

"Well…I think…"-I tried but was immediately cut off by her voice.

"Well it doesn´t matter because Operation Doom 3.2 starts now!"-She had completely gone on monologue mode, and was standing on a trunk. I bet she was now imagining a whole audience now, a giant national flag waving in the background, and the Metal Gear theme playing in the background. She was giving a speech now, about how she deserve her rights to be respect around here, and that Thorin needed to learned to accept she was a member of the company as worthy as any of them, or at least that's what I understood, to be honest I wasn´t really paying attention. My mind was thinking in every possible way to teleport myself back to Rebecca, without anyone noticing.

"And you and you will help me!"-She finished pointing me and the squirrel

"What?"-I said, still trying to step away from my trance.

"That you and Traitor will help me!"-She said a bit louder and I was immediately snapped out of my thought.

I sighed.

"Kid, we already talk about it, if you do something immature that makes Thorin or anyone in here angry, they will kick us out!"

_Jesus Christ, did I miss my perfect night for this!?_

"Did you even listen to a word of what I said?!"-Lulla snapped at me.

"Yeah, of course!"-I said a bit nervously

"Oh really? What does my plan consist about?"-She raised and eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Ummm a ummm come on Traitor help me on this one.."-I said the last on bear language

The Kid just sighed.

"What´s with all the males in here not listening to me!? Okay idiot! I will tell you the plan, my plan is …ugh you know what? Fuck this. I give up"

"What?"- I asked surpised.

Could this be possible? Has she really come to her senses?

"Yeah, is more than obvious, they won´t budge to my wishes, so why try? Anyway, I can live with out the shower…"

_Was I speaking to the same girl?_

"Really kid?"- I asked, surprised by her defeated attitude.

"Of course not! This is what we are going to do!"

_It was too good to be true._

"This is ridiculous Kid!"-I said and kicked the ground, in despair.

_Why? Why? Why?_

"Be careful Tino, You are going to ruin my scheme!"-The girl said, and began to redraw the planes on the ground, with the stick she thought it was her symbol of leadership."Now you two listen carefully"

I rolled my eyes and completely regretted giving caffeine to the now hyperactive human. Lulla cleared her throat and I gave her a fake smile.

"Yes sir.."-I said and saluted my insufferable friend.

Lulla glance at Traitor who just scratched its head. Lulla smiled taking it as his sign of obedience, and proceed to make her plan explanation.

"Now you two listen carefully this is what we are going to do..."

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Okay it wasn´t that bad, basically the kid was going to pretend she didn´t want to take a shower anymore, and make a really delicious dinner, but instead to give them the food, she would make them shower first. The plan was simple, but the food had to be tempting enough…so she asked me to use my skilled nose and look for some species around the woods…and that was what I was actually doing, but instead of my skill nose and forest, I was using my money and Wal-Mart…

_Hehehe_

You know a funny thing about this place is that nobody seemed surprise about seeing a 450kg grizzly waking around like a human, grabbing stuff and carrying a cart, because they just think is just another of those strange people who come to Wal-Mart and would later appear on Wal-Mart FAIL captions.

I grabbed a couple of most likely to be found species in the forest and also a couple of snacks for me to eat later, when everybody was asleep.

"I guess a bag of Doritos will make up for teleportation hunger…"- I grabbed the bag and put it in the half full cart. When I made a turn to go through the lacteal section, my cart accidently collided with another, sending an uncomfortable vibration through my arms.

"Hey watch out where you go!"

"I am sorry ma´m…."-And when I turned my head up, I realized with who I was dealing-"Spirit?"

The blonde removed her sunglasses and looked at me.

"Valentino?"-She smirked.-"Well speaking of the devil! How is my favorite grizzly doing? I see you are enjoying the powers I gave you"

"He-he yeah they had come on handy, and I am really good thank you"

"Does the looser know anything?"-She asked on a bit serious tone.

"She has no idea"-I said smirking at her, she smirked back.

"Good, you know… there is going to be a party at my place, you and your girlfriend should come"

"Oh well, I would like to but I have to help the kid with one of her dump schemes, I don´t think I will have the night free tonight"

"Well if you manage to get rid of her, you know where I live;

"Alright"-Then I remembered my previous problem."Hey Spirit, you think you could give me a few more teleporting rocks, I kid of ran out of them"-I said and scratched the back of my neck. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really Tino? Don´t you think you ask a bit to much? I already gave you enough powers, including the dimensional teleportation, why do you need for teleporting rocks anyway?"

"For Becca, I want her to visit me when she wants to"

"Sorry, I ain´t no motherfucking Santa Clause, you will have to work with what you have; And speaking of that I got to ran; nice talking to you"

"Oh well…You too Spirit! See ya around"- I already knew she would refuse, but I didn´t mind.

She waved at me with out turning around, but suddenly she stopped"

"And Valentino… make sure she knows nothing… or else well… you know the consequences"-She said and even though her back was turned against me, I could feel she was smiling evilly, I shuddered.

"You know I will never do that"

"Good I can trust you"-She said and vanished with everything and the car.

_Wait, she didn´t pay anything?_

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

It was getting dark while Lulla cut the fishes, some dwarves were still busy with their duties but most were already unoccupied , and yet none of them had went to the lake….

For some reason she was cooking at the other side of the company, while normally for dinner she would cooked on the fire of the camping. Maybe it was her instincts, she didn´t want to be around the dwarves for now.

"Where is the Lulla?"-Asked Bilbo to the wizard.

"I believe she is cooking the dinner"-Gandalf answered, and blew a few smoke circles.

"Why doesn´t she cooked it here?"

"I don´t know"

_Probably avoiding me…-Thought Gandalf while he rememberer his previous encounters with the human._

"I will go and see if she is alright"-Bilbo said and excused himself. He walked towards the smoke direction, which was a bit too separate from the camping, and, as he stepped closer, one of his hairy feet had the nerve to step on a small depression on the ground.

´Smack´- Was all that could be heard on the eerily silent forest. Bilbo´s head had collided with the ground; making small black spots appeared on his vision.

The Hobbit groaned as he got hold of his sore head, and slowly started to reincorporate. By the time he opened his eyes he saw the strangest thing he had ever witness.

Lulla´s bear was stepping out of a blue light, with a giant basket with wheels fill with lots of food, and strange shiny bags he didn´t knew where they came from.

Bilbo stared at the beast, as it stare back at his, both were too shocked to react or even moved. Several seconds passed and the blue portal behind the grizzly closed.

Valentino panicked knowing the consequences the hobbit with this type of knowledge could cause. He decided to be the first to talk, and tried to be civil about the situation.

After all Bilbo was the most civil out of the entire large group right? He would understand right?

Valentino stood aside from his cart and slowly approached the hobbit, hands up in surrender,

"Hey it's okay Bilbo we don´t have to make a scandal out of this?"

_Did the bear talk-k?!-Bilbo thought as he began to panic more and more. "What kind of creature does Lulla have for company?!"_

_Calm down Valentino, you are just a talking bear, you can get to him, nothing wrong will happen just stay normal, stay normal stay….._

"Hijo de la Chingada, donde estas cabron! Where is she? Where is she!?"-Said a really violent and rage filled Rebecca as she appeared out of nowhere and begin to growl in search of the bear, she though unfaithful.

"_Oh crap why did I give her a teleporting rock?"-Thought Valentino in panic_

"Hey Bilbo come on! Bilbo please! Sir we can talk of this… Oh shit!"-Valentino growled as the small man begun to run towards the camping.

"Shit he is going to tell everyone!"-Valentino thought and quickly decided to run after Bilbo. Valentino knew the consequences if anybody aside of him, in this world, knew about his abilities, and he was not willing to let that happened.

Rebecca was not left behind she quickly begun to ran after Tino, who was too worried about Bilbo to care about his jealous violent girlfriend. That was of course until the angry female tackled him.

**OOOOOOOOOO**

Bilbo could see the camping getting closer to him, but also he could felt the two bears getting closer to him…

The Hobbit was about to scream for help when suddenly something hit the back of his head and he lost consciousness for good.

Valentino sighed exhausted from running. He took hold of the hockey stick he was so thankful for buying out of impulse-

"I am sorry Tino, I should have expect better of such a faithful bear like you"-Rebecca apologized, feeling guilty about not believing Tino in the first place, and had to wait for him explaining her for a second time about his missions.

"Shut up, and help me get rid of him"-Valentino said as he took hold of one of the hobbit´s legs and start dragging him away**.**

**(Not really that far from there)**

"Did someone hear that?"-Asked Kili to the company in general.-"It sounded like a muffled scream?"

"The only thing I am hearing right now, is my stomach growling in hunger, where on earth is the human with the dinner?!-Gloin complained, earning a few agrees of the men in the group.

**OOOOOOOO**

"Here"- The grizzly said as he gave Lulla the "Foresty Food" he found in the "forest".

"What took you so long?!"-Lulla complained.-"Thorin has been sending messengers all day for me to hurry"

_Wal-Mart long lines of people_

"Well you know is much easier to command someone into do stuff than do the actual stuff…"-Valentino retorted and Lulla just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever"

"Anyway you do the food, I will be right back later"-Valentino said as he quickly began to sprint and get away form the girl.

"Hey where you think you are going?!"-Lulla interrogated while the bear continued running.

"I need to…em…see you later!"-Valentino muttered and quickly lost the human. He then went to his female companion and unconscious Bilbo

"Come on Rebecca let´s get out of here!"

"What about the little guy?!"

"We will take it with us"

And with that the trio disappeared from the forest.

_**OOOOOO**_

The horns were being blown, while the drums were being bang, and the monks were chanting on an ancient and dead language. Smoke was forming all around the room, along with a heavy scent and heat.

"Are you sure you know how to do this?"-Rebecca asked Valentino as the ritual began to take place.

Valentino looked from the ancient book to her girlfriend, to the strapped to the table, naked, and unconscious hobbit.

"No, but is either this or kill the hobbit and make the kid give a really good explanation into why hasn´t the hobbit come yet"

"So you are going to erase his memory of the last half hour?"

"Basically,"

"My god, how many powers did this Spirit thingy gave to you?"

"Honestly I don´t know, now please back off Becca"

Valentino said as he was about to start, the chanting was getting more and more intense. And if it wasn´t because bears can´t sweat he would be soaking wet right now.

To be honest the Spirit only programmed this memory-erasing power to be used once. Valentino was saving it for incase Lulla found out about him, but now he would have to used it on the Hobbit. And to be honest he had no idea what he was doing right now, so if he failed, he would have to make up a really good explanation now.

"Are you sure you didn´t killed him on the forest? He has been gone for a while now"

"Yes Rebecca, I am sure, now please move"- Valentino commanded, as he slowly begun to feel the ancient energies surround him.

_Well is worth a shot _

Valentino started chanting the sacred words on the book, as Bilbo began to levitate from the table.

"Are you sure you are not summoning a demon?"-Rebecca questioned quite disturbed by the angles the hobbit´s body was making, and the bone cracks of them.

"Yes Becca I am sure…"

_I hope so…._

_**OOOOOOOO**_

Thorin had just had enough, and so were the rest of the men around the fire.

"Ugh….What…what happened?!"-Bilbo questioned as he start to reincorporate, just to find Gandalf and the rest of the Company gathered around the fire place.

"Oh, why good evening Bilbo, is nice to see you back with us"-Gandalf said as he glanced down to the hobbit.

"What happened?"-Bilbo asked still confused.

"Well you where on your way to Miss Carazyn , and it looks like you fell and hit your head, and then fell unconscious, Lulla´s bear was nice enough to bring or more like drag you back here…"

"Ohh…"-Bilbo said still a confused about the whole situation, he felt like something else had happen but all he could remember was falling to the ground, and the bear, but he couldn´t tell… it was like whatever happened after that was erase from his mind…he was hungry "My stomach hurts…"-Said Bilbo feeling his stomachs growls from inside

"So does everyone´s in here"-Dwalin said

"Why is taking her so long?!"-Nori complained

"I bet she is done nothing all day"-Gloin said

"She never takes this long"-Bofur said

All the dwarves start to complain about their dinner, until Thorin decided it was enough.

"Silence everyone, come on let´s see what is taking her so long"-Thorin commanded as he stood up and went towards the human.

The men obeyed his command and begun to follow him, all including the still confused Bilbo.

**OOOOO**

"Human what is taking you so…long"-Thorin stopped right in his tracks, allowing his eyes into witnessing the human´s effrontery.

There in the middle of the forest laid a really tasty looking dinner, all was perfectly arrange, the fish was roasted and marinate with something Thorin couldn´t indentified, in summary the freaking food looked and smelled delicious.

Quickly the rest of his men catch up and witness the great dinner that was settle for them. All looked from the food to the human, she was sitting on a piece of trunk, crossed legged and drinking some drink on a really calm mode.

"Oh there you are, I was beginning to wonder when you would come"

"Lulla this looks amazing, why didn´t you told us earlier?!"-Bofur said

"Yeah why didn´t you told us earlier? We have been starving all this time!"-Nori asked a bit angry of the fact he could have ate earlier.

"Oh well, I was going to take it to you, but I couldn´t figured a way to take it all the way to the camping, so I figured out that sooner or later you would get tired of waiting and come to look for me, looks like I was right"-Lulla said smoothly as she raised her cup to them.

_She is scheming something… I know…-Thorin thought and suspiciously eyed the human._

"Well what are we waiting for let´s eat it!"-Fili cheered and all of the men agree quickly making there way to the banquet (to forest standards) that was waiting for them.

But as they were about to get close, Valentino and Rebecca appeared out of nowhere and block the hungry men´s way. Burdening their path towards there food, and both growling rabidly at them.

The men stopped on their tracks.

"She has two now…"-Bofur commented both startled and bit scared of the new member of Lulla´s pack of pets.

"Oops looks like you are not getting dinner soon"-Lulla smirked, to the herd of hungry and now angry man.

"Human, what is the meaning of this!?"- Thorin questioned, both angry at her nerve and hungry at the lack of food-"Tell your beasts to move!"

"I´m sorry Thorin, I´m afraid I can´t do that"-Lulla said on monotone and yet evil voice.-"Not unless, your man wash their hands first!"

"What?!"-Thorin questioned, perfectly knowing where the human was going.

"And by washing their hands, I mean all their body"-Lulla finished, an evil smile plastered on her face.

Thorin couldn´t believe the impudence the human could hold. How dare she, how dare she try to racket him, no he wasn´t going to allow that, no one was going to tell him what to do. He was the leader in here, no one aside from him would give orders.

"As I said before my men will wash when they want to , and you will not interfere in their decision, human, so cut it already"

"Fine no dinner until then"

With that the bickering started and the only thing the dwarves where thinking in that moment was how their stomach was growling with every second passing, and the smell of the food getting more and more intense. Should they said yes, and allow their man pride be crush for the price of a delicious meal or should they say no and stick to their man principles.

"You can´t keep us from just grabbing this food human, we are 15 against one, give up already on your foolish attempt to fulfill your selfish desires!"

Lulla stared at him, it was true, Thorin was not willing to loose to her, and if he wanted he could easily take away all the food, he had discover the hole on her plot.

"Well Thorin you are right, I can´t stopped you from doing that… as much as you can´t stop this couple of taking the food too"

Now Thorin was surprise, was she actually willing to do that? No she won´t she wouldn´t dare to do that.

"Alright gentleman is up to you now; either the banquet is for all of you or for my poor bears"

The mere fact of some human, yet alone a woman, threatening into not having supper, was by all meanings humiliating to most of the dwarves.

The men thought about it for a while, actually what they were expecting was more of a Thorin´s approval, for they knew he wouldn´t forgive them if they went against him.

Thorin sighed, he perfectly knew they were waiting for his approval, well at least they remain loyal to him to some point, but Thorin knew the human also knew this; this was all part of her plan, let the responsibility fall on him. Of course he wasn´t going to allow his men or himself starved, she barely cooked any good supper this afternoon. Thorin sighed once more and turned his head annoyed to his men.

"What are you waiting for, go and showered!"-Thorin commanded

And as quick as a lightening the herd of men went off to the lake.

"Hurry up boys, or it will get cold"-Lulla said innocently, as Thorin quickly began to leave, not wanting to be next to that girl one minute more."Don´t forget to wash your hands Thorin"

It took a huge amount of self control for Thorin not turned around and stabbed the woman.

Then Kili and Fili turned towards Lulla.

"Hey Lulla since we already wash, can you allow us have a piece of that?"-Kili said pointing at the fish and putting a hand around her, knowing the effect it will have on her, but surprisingly made no…

Lulla smirked at him, and removed his arm from her.

"No until the rest is ready."-Lulla said and waved at both of them.-"Now leave, you two got to wash your hands too"

_Lulla 2, Thorin 1-Thought Lulla as she saw everyone leave, until she was all alone._

"Well played Kid, well played"-Tino said as he pated the girl´s shoulder.

"Wouldn´t have accomplished it without you and... Becca"-Lulla said, struggling a bit into remembering the newcomer ´s name."Where did you guys say you met?"

Becca and Tino looked at each other..

"East?"-Valentino said and laughed nervously

_East of another world_

Meanwhile the men where….

…**..Wait what is this?-Damn it-I can´t wright anymore…..what do you mean I am out of time?! Wait….. I am just missing a few pages more…. No please-FINE!_-guys-see you on the next part of this chapter-it looks like a ran out of space….sorry…..must….lea—bye-OBNO…..PO-OUT**

**Oooooooooo**

**A/N: Well here is today´s chapter…it took a bit longer than I expect, I kind of had lost my motivation and got lazy with the story, but don´t worry I am back and with more…:D**

**Have a nice week !**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: "The other part of the Chapter 10, that the author was too lazy to put, and decided to make whole new chapter just for it and also a really long title, but if you wish you may call it: Chap 10 Epilogue or Larry" **

"So you have two now?!"-Fili asked as he took another bite from the roasted-marinate fish I made just some hours ago.

"Yep"-I dryly answered, and took another zip from my tea.

"Why?"-Nori asked in a more concerned than curious voice, (probably thinking me in control of one wild beast was enough to worry already).

"Because Tino is a lucky bastard, and mating season went good for him..."-Bofur answered for me.

-This earned a couple of chuckles from the company; I shrugged, not really bothering to laugh, or even fake laugh for courtesy. They continued speaking, Kili and Fili attempted to make me joined their conversation, however it took about another 3 dried replies to get the message I was not in the mood and eventually stop.

_DO THEY EVER STOP?! Why do they have to laugh all the time? Why do they speak so loudly?! God they are gonna make my head explode! Shut up everyone! If I am not in the mood nobody will be!_

You can imagine the face and voice I was pulling in those moments. It was the kind of face that said "This Bitch is on her period, why don´t you go and fall on a hole?" I was groggy, tired, and homesick, my caffeine effect was passing and if you were wondering, no, I was not in my period, and I swear I have no idea what will become of me when that time comes…

You are also probably wondering: Hey! Why are you so angry bitch? You have already taken your bath and have seen Kili half naked!

Well wrong, for your information I haven´t taken my bath yet! Why? Because Fucking Thorin, that´s why! Yes the men did take their shower; they are men of their word yes! But allow me to explain.

Okay so right after they went to clean themselves, I went into a brief sleep, but it was enough time for me to have a bizarre dream of them singing "The Washing song" while wearing some similar outfits like the ones of another group of dwarves of a certain Disney movie. I then woke up to find the guys already clean and ready for their food, I was so happy that immediately stood up and told them to start without me. I was about to head to the lake, when out of the blue Thorin told me I had to wait until we all ate…

**$Flashback$**

"Why? I thought we had a deal!"- I complained, frustrated at the fact that I wasn´t on the lake, taking my shower yet

"We still do, but since you add some conditions to the original deal we made this morning, I thought I could add some too" – Thorin said with his arms crossed and a face that clearly said he wasn´t going to take shit from me.

_Oh my God, what does it take for this man to be happy! What is his problem?! Did his pride really got that butthurted, that now he has to invent some excuse to win a point?! This guy is worse than me!_

"And if you are wondering no, it wasn´t a condition of my own…"-He added, as if he somehow had gain the ability to read my mind. Wait no that´s freaking creepy! I mean can you imagine if Thorin could actually read my mind?! The horrors of the tons of trash I have said about him and the even more horrific tons of pervert things I have said about Kili?!

"Oh really then who´s idea was it?"- I asked incredulously. He simply smirked and glanced at the group of dwarves to his right. I look stared at them and I think one of my eyes was twitching.

_What kind of conspiracy is this?! _

"But…how…why….Oh I get it.."-I said as soon as my brain came to the conclusion."Let me guess I somehow offended you by, asking you to wash in exchange for food and now this is you sort of payback?…"- Some like Dori, Nori, Gloin, and Bombur simply nodded, while others like Kili and Fili and Bofur smiled at me on a "Yep" way. I was beyond angry and yet surprise at the nerves of this people. Okay I thought Male Pride was something only Mighty Thorin had more issues with, but no it looks like it's a whole species deal. Believe me when I was having a really hard time into not explode and make a childish wail in front of them.

I look at Thorin, then at Bilbo who gave me an apologetic look and raised his hands in a "I did not take part on this" way, and finally at Gandalf who rolled his eyes while smoking his pipe and looked rather amused at the scene, I was guessing he did not took part on this conspiracy nor took a bath either (He wasn´t one of Thorin´s men after all).

I took a deep breathe and finally decide to agree. I had come this far now, there was no way I was turning back.

"Alright… big guys make the honor, and eat my banquet"- I said and could see the satisfaction in each of their faces, both in delight of my food and defeat… Everyone quickly settled down and began to messily grab from the food, soon Kili and Fili came to each of my side with a playful smile.

"Don´t be sad Lulla"-Fili said

"Yes, look it more in this way, we wanted you to eat first before swimming, because we didn´t want you to caught a cramp and drown"-Kili added

"Yeah we would hate that"-Fili said and both laugh, at the undignified face I was making right then.

**$End of Flashback$**

And here I was still eating my food, under my angsty mood while the dwarves continued blabbing between them, changing the subject and the plate.

"You know this is your best dinner yet!"-Said Nori

"Yeah, this sauce you used is really different from any I have had!"-Bofur added

"I´ll have to admit it´s actually really good human"-Even Thorin, for the first time I think, complimented my new recipe. I heard some agreed from some other dwarves.

_What kind of dimension did I just enter?_

I got to admit that certainly lift my mood a bit, just a chunk… but I was still on bitchy mode so I dryly answered...

"Thanks… I guess"- I said both still angsty and unused into Thorin complimenting me…

"What did you used?"-Bilbo asked also curious and interest on the recipe.

"A chef never, reveals her secrets…"-I said on a tone that I intend to be a playful, but somehow came into a bitchy one. Thankfully that did not seemed to affect them and simply shrugged, however I think they were rather a bit disturb for me not telling what kind of things I was putting on their food. They continue chatting enthusiastically between them completely ignoring the ball of moping angst on their side.

_Okay I have to admit I am crossing the line. I mean what the hell, they just compliment me about my food, and I just made a dried reply! I am not supposed to be upset I am supposed to be happy! For God Sake! I am living every fangirl´s dream! I am in Middle Earth, I am eating beside Bilbo, I saw Kili fucking half naked! But why, why is it so hard for me to be happy?! Why do I feel so lonely? Why do I feel so homesick?! Why do I miss my family and feel so uncomfortable and unfitting with the company? Isn´t this what I wanted? Isn´t fighting trolls what I wanted? Yeah but I want winning them, not get caught first by them… Isn´t being with this people what I wanted? People who don´t know who I am nor really care about me…Oh hell no I ain´t crying in here not in front of this people…you better woman up girl… you ain´t crying in here…._

"Lulla"-I heard Bilbo said and I immediately faked a yawned, as an excuse of why some tears would have fell from my eyes.

"Yes?"- I said and pulled a small smile.

"Are you alright?"-He asked and I could hear the concern on his voice.

"Uh… yeah… heh… just a bit tired…"- I said

"Are you sure?"- He asked not really buying it, but I guess he wasn´t used to see me less energize.

"Yeah!"-I said trying to sound less like a moping teenager… "I just need my sleep hehe don´t worry Bilbs"-He seemed to relaxed more when I used my unusual nickname on him and smile at me.

"Alright, but really you have to tell me your recipe later"-He said and I chuckle a bit. Alright, I had to admit Bilbo´s concern lightened up my mood a bit … at least I know he does cares, how couldn´t he, we are on the same category "wealthy-unused-to-this-lifestyle-bastards". He was truly a nice guy and my first friend? Acquaintance? Ehh I think is too soon to define him as a friend, but then again I think he is the only one that could actually get to understand me.

_Yeah this place wasn´t that bad I mean, I had Bilbo right? And the dwarves kind of accept me now (or at least my food) right? I even get along with some of them! God Kili and Fili said they like me! I mean sure I have still my awkward moments in here, but that doesn´t mean it can´t work! I have to be positive! I am a motherfucking tiger! I can do this! I CAN FUCKING DO THIS! I WILL SHOW YOU ALL I AM THE QUEEN OF THIS PLACE! YEAH! I don´t hear you? YEAH! Louder! Yeah! LOUDER!_

"YEAHHH!"-And with that I realize I had just shouted out loud, and jumped high from my sit with a maniac smile…. And everyone was staring at me…

"Are you alright?"-Thorin asked from across the improvised floor table.

"Of course I am!"-I said in a blunted way, since I still got some caffeine in me and I was still trying to convince myself everything was going to go fine. I have basically went into "I´m going to fucking do it because I am amazing" attitude.

Some of the dwarves glanced at each other, probably questioning my actual mental stability.

"Good, because we are done now, so go ahead you can have your so wished bath now"

And that definitely helped a lot more to my mood. My face had brightened up and my grin had extended a couple of centimeters more.

"Really?!"-I asked.-"I mean I can go now? There are no more conditions or rules?"

"No"-Thorin simply answered. "I am a man of my word, we all are. You are free to take your bath now, human"

I let out a maniac laugh, that could have possibly disturbed some, but I couldn´t careless because I was allow to take my bath now, and the world was awesome.

"YAY Thank you! Thank you!"- I shouted and quickly began to leave the area. "Don´t wait for me awake!"

**OOOOOOOOO**

I was hesitating for a while, to whether enter now or wait a few more minutes. Honestly the idea of taking a bath on a lake in the middle of the forest made me a bit uncomfortable, not because of the fact that they where 15 guys in the other side (They are too busy gathering the camp), but because of the fact that one thing was swimming in a lake during a summer camp, with your nice bikini on, but other thing was getting butt naked on wild water, with fishes all around… I mean isn´t that kind of unsanitary? They poop all over the water! Besides isn´t there like a type of fish that gets inside the genitals? Ewww!

I shuddered at the mere idea of that happening. I shook my head and turned to see the water, and share a deep stare between it and me.

_Okay girl, you can do this. Just relax, those fish only live on South America, and are attract by blood. So we are safe! This water is much cleaner than we give credit, people used to do this in the past, and they were perfectly fine! Besides this water is much cleaner than any public pool! You can this! At the count of three: One, two... THREE!_

I removed my cloak and jump directly to the water. Making a full splash

The water felt …cold…yeah…not exactly the kind of water I wanted for the night, but I wasn´t going to complain…It was water, it was clean (partly), and I was going to spoil myself tonight.

Smiling I start sunk my head under the water, holding my breath as long as I could. After feeling it was enough I start scrubbing my body with the piece of cloth I had tore from my clog. I scrubbed everywhere in my body, being a bit more harsh, on the elbows, ankles and knees, since it was on those areas were the dirt had accumulated more.

I proceed then to rub my head, in order to remove the grease. It wasn´t an easy task since most my hair was tangled and dreadlocks had start to form. Despite of that, it felt good, the only thing missing was some shampoo to make foam on my hair, but couldn´t complain.

Everything was going fine, until… the shower went into full reflective-life mood… and I began to realize the horrors of my behaviors…

"_The only reason why I defend him so much, it is because if you do something to him, he will kick you out of the company for sure, and guess what kid? We will be by our own with no protection and no food. And I don´t know if you have noticed it kid, but Thorin accepted you despite you not knowing anything about fighting nor surviving, as well as saved you from the trolls, so please be a bit more grateful with the guy ,who is the only reason why we haven´t got killed yet"_

I twitched my leg a bit, as I realize where this was going to. Come on, I already know that… in some part of my head I always knew it, but that doesn´t make Thorin any less of an asshole.

"_Not that bad? Not that bad! Did you even listen to his order this morning? He banned me from taking my bath, a bath I totally deserved for spending all night saving his nephew´s ass, until he and his men shower first! Bad enough is that I am the woman who cooks, and the only one who doesn´t fight, I don´t need anymore sexist references on me, like having my priorities second to the men!"_

My left leg kicked the water around it, as in to avoid the memory. Oh god did I really said that?

"_Come on Kid you delay the man from his important mission just for you to take a bath!"_

_"And provisions!"_

_"No that was Gandalf´s idea, your idea was to spend a whole day making yourself a beauty spa, despite of the risk of exposing the company to the enemy"_

_"Oh come on, nothing dangerous or interesting has happen for the last days, other than me almost getting killed by the Spirit!"-She said.-"And you know what? The least I deserved after I spend all my night saving Kili´s ass, was a relaxing bath!"_

I shook my head violently and quickly submerged it under the water in shame. Oh come on I couldn´t really sound that bratty when I first asked Thorin? Right? Yeah Tino was just exaggerating! Am I right? Right?!

_''Oh Thorin, can we stay here for the rest of the day? Please. It will be just for today. Please it will be fun and I could finally have the time to take a bath, please I am begging you I wanted to take a bath I can't take the smell anymore!_

I kicked under the water as an attempted to avoid the shame I was quickly sinking in. Oh crap… please tell me that isn´t true

_''Selfish needs? Oh come on Thorin when was the last time you or any of these men took a bath!''_

Some air bubbles escaped from my mouth when I attempted to scream… No NO NO THAT COULDN´T BE ME!

_"Oh please Thorin, listen if you or the guys don't want to clean yourselves, that's fine for me, just let me take a bath for today, and I promise you tomorrow I will do whatever you want, whatever spine breaking job you have for me, hell I will carry you in my back all day if you want! Just please, pleeeeease let me satisfy my feminine needs!_

And with that I quickly emerged to the surface as I gasped for the air I was depriving my body from.

_By God! Holy shit! For the love of ice cream…! Thorin is not the asshole! No seriously, no wonder why Thorin finds me so annoying! No wonder why he didn´t want me to take the bath in the first place! This was such a spoiled request! By god! Can you imagine if today was the day the wolves and the orcs found us? CAN YOU IMGANINE WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THEY CAME AND FOUND US JUST CHILLING AROUND THE AFTERNOON? God! I am such a monster! I am such an asshole! Thorin is a fucking hero for putting up with me everyday!_

_I mean seriously I have done nothing but complain about how "mean" and "racist" he is with me! Is not his fault he is so distrustful with others, Legolas´s dad gave no shit, when he asked for help! Its not his fault he is so tense all the time! His home was taken away from him by a freaking dragon! And now has not only the pressure of retrieving it but also the responsibility of taking care of 15 lives including the one of a lazy, useless fuck who had done nothing productive but pretend her teenage problems are first class problems! He could have simply left me in the forest at some point now, hell he could have done it the first time he met me! But no he was saint enough to let me in despite me not knowing how to fight! My god, he could have simply let the troll tore me in half and finished them once for all, but nope the guy save me and risk not only his life but the one´s of his men, his loyal and helpful men, for me! No, no, this guy deserves my most sincere apologies and loyalty! And you what I am going to do it right now!_

I began to swim towards the lake´s shore, determined to apologize to Thorin, and willing to be a better member…but then I looked at my armpits, and felt my legs…

_Ewww what the hell! How can I be walking around like this?! Wax depilation was supposed to last a bit more! What kind of sick joke are you playing on me Mother Nature? _

And everything went to hell…

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

_Okay so what? I doubt anybody in this place ever depilates... I bet all the women in here are as hairy as the boys! Who cares about my legs, if nobody gives a crap, why should I? Yeah its okay I don´t care! I am a warrior now, no need for those banal desires…But what if they do? What if woman actually do depilate! What if Kili does have possibly a crush on me and one day notices my hairy armpits? No, calm down girl, is not necessary, its middle earth! Stop it! We have to apology to Thorin now! So yeah, to hell with physical looks, I am freaking gorgeous anyways with or without depilation! Besides I couldn´t shave them, even if I wanted, I mean what am I thinking? Grab my sword and shave me a la Indiana Jones? Wait a minute…_

"Yo Tino!"-I shouted, making my bear turn around. Yes, he had been here all the time, making sure no one came to spy.

"What now?"- He said, stepping closer to the lake´s edge.

"Do you think you could do me a favor?"

Ehh who was I kidding, once a new idea sticks on my head, i can possibly remember the old one .. I blame A.D.D for this

**OOOOOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

The Company was rather still talking a bit between them while each began to prepare their sleeping area, each telling jokes and plans on the future… that was until… the bear walked in the middle of the camping, rather nonchalantly and search for the human´s requested item, between her things.

He found the sword Gandalf had given and with his mouth took it to his owner, leaving the men wondering and a bit disturbed about why the human would needed such thing to shower?

**OOOOOOOO**

"Kid don´t be stupid! You will end hurting yourself!"-Valentino attempted to convince his friend into not doing an idiocy.

"Valentino, shut up, I know what I am doing"-The human said, as she looked rather hesitantly at the sword a few inches away from her exposed mud covered-leg. She was already clothed and with her pants pulled up, ready to shave them old school style.

"Kid, if you always ended up cutting yourself with a Gillette, what makes you think a freaking sword won´t be any different… or worse!"

"I already did my armpits… you know…"-Lulla said pointing at her shaved clean armpits.

"Yeah but that was a small portion, this is a whole new level"

"Just have some faith me, will ya?"- Lulla said, internally a bit nervous of the whole situation, and yet strangely excited." At the count of 3, 1"- She said smiling like a maniac

"No kid , don´t do it"

"Two"

"Kid, I am serious this could bring really serious consequences"

"3"

**OOOOOOOOO**

"You know Gandalf… I think I am a bit worry about what she might be doing with that sword…"

"Oh please dear Bilbo… I am pretty sure she is just…."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"-An ear piercing screamed was heard, making the men jumped in surprise.

"Doing something foolish…"

Quickly the men, in alert went rushing towards the Lulla.

**OOOOOOOOOOO**

"Ahhh Bloody Murder!""-Lulla was screaming on top of her lungs, as she stared in horror at product of her careless attitude and swing her leg back and ford.

"Hold still kid! Oh my god!"- Valentino watched in horror the injury. Have you ever cut with a Gillette while shaving? When you have the cream or the water still on your skin? Well Lulla had a similar injury, but just imagine said cut coming from the side of your knee to your ankle, with your leg cover in mud…

"Maybe if I remove a bit of the mud…"-Valentino tried and slowly touched the cut… making the young human hissed at the contact of his paw to her exposed skin.

"Holy shit! Back Off!"-Lulla screeched and smacked the bear´s back.

"Lulla what´s the matter?!"-Kili asked coming to aid the supposed girl in distress along with the rest of the men, just to find the human swinging her bloody mess of a leg back and ford.

"Just eating chocolate cake!"-Lulla hissed

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Normal POV**

So basically it took about a minute or two for Gandalf to shut up all the scandal… and after I washed my injury and I hissed like a banshee, they realize my injury wasn´t that deep. Kili was now bandaging my leg (since they though doing it by myself would only make it worse)… which was being both an awkward and fulfilling situation to me. Thankfully I had Mighty Thorin and Gandalf asking me what the hell was I supposedly doing…

Should I say I tried to shave my legs? Do women even do that in here? Ugh Nevermind…

"So basically I felt a bit guilty about…not catching any fish today… and decided that since I was already in the lake…perhaps I could practice a bit, and well let´s just say fishing isn´t for me…"

The whole company stared at me weirdly, but seemed to swallow the story…to this point I think it wasn´t a surprise to them, that this type of things could happen to me…

"Well…at least you are alright"-Gandalf said and smiled at me."

"Yes…"-I said and blush at Kili´s contact on my leg.

"Done"-Said Kili as he finished and then offered me a smile, I blush still embarrass.

_Well it didn´t end that bad…_

**OOOOOO**

We were almost done, and almost on our way to sleep, most of the dwarves were already laying on the floor comfortably, Thorin was checking around to see if anything was missing, and had decided to make a small nocturnal patrol around the area just to make sure enemies weren´t near.

"Alright everyone I will search the area around just to make we are safe Kili go with Fili and check west I´ll check east if you see anything just call and we will aid you"

Both brothers nodded. Kili turned his head to me.

"Hey, Lulla want to join Fili and me?"-Kili asked and put his hand on my shoulder in order to turn me around and look at him. He gave me a flirtatious smile, and look at me with his gorgeous chocolate eyes. I look at him hesitantly. This charming bastard really knew about the effect he had on me. I felt tempted into accepting but I quickly putted my priorities together and pulled away from him.

"Actually Kili, no, I think you are well accompanied with Fili, however your uncle is not, I think I´ll go with him"- I said and I am pretty sure Kili wasn´t the only surprise with my answer, I could swear I saw Fili almost snapped his neck when he turned around to make sure it was me who said those words.

"Are you sure?"-Asked Kili. I think me saying I want to be around Thorin wasn´t an every day answer in his book, or maybe he just got used to me not rejecting his offers.

"Yeah"- I smiled.-"Go ahead"- And with that I turned around, proud of myself of not giving in to the boy´s charms.

Thorin was already ahead of me so I had to quicken my pace.

**OOOOOOOO**

"Hey Thorin, wait!"-I said. He turned around and looked briefly surprise was, but immediately harden his face.

"What are you doing here?"-He asked, as always suspicious of my actions, and tired of my presence.

"Well I thought I could for once do something aside cooking, and join you on this, and perhaps keep you company"- He looked at me skeptically.

"Go to the camping…"-He turned around and start walking, but I quickly began to follow him.

"Hey don´t be like that, I want to actually learn something, maybe I can´t fight but look it this way in case something happens, I can scream really loud and high pitch to immediately bring help!"

Once again he seemed skeptical about me, but since I used the word "learn" and "help", he lighten up and agree to follow him.

"Just keep quiet"-He ordered on a more demanding way, and continue his vigilance.

"Quieting…"-I said

We walked around the area for a bit, careful into not making a sound and careful into listening anything, and when I said we, I meant him. I wasn´t really paying attention, I mean don´t get me wrong, I was trying to be helpful, but I was more concern i thinking when was the best time to talk to him.

After not finding anything (thanks god) we head back to the camping, equally silence as we were before. I kept glancing at him hesitating into talk to him in the moment or not. And I think he noticed because as soon as I start staring at him, he immediately glared at me.

_Alright is now or never, we are almost in the camping (passing by the lake) and if I don´t say anything now before I go to bed, I will loose my motivation by tomorrow._

"Thorin, can I speak to you, like now?"- I said stopping in my tracks and making him stop too. He looked at me confused and suspicious as into what I would want to talk of.

"What is it, human?"

"I want to first thank you for allowing me to have my wish…"-Thorin rolled his eyes.

"Is not something I am happy about…Anyway you welcome"- He was turning his back preparing to leave

"And also I want to apologize about it…."-This made him stop and turn to look at me. I had to walk a bit closer to him to cut the distance he had putted.

"What?"-He asked, making sure he had heard right.

"I want to apologize for requesting such thing, it was selfish and unnecessary, not to mention it risked the members of the company…even if we stood just for food I should have never mention it in the first place and I should have listen when you said no the first time"

I looked up to his nice blue eyes, and actually took time to notice his handsome features, he was good looking, not discussion, though his face represent the pressure and the harden looks of his caused by his past experiences.

"You are the leader and a good one actually, one good enough to accept me even with my lack of abilities and fight skills, I know I am not the type of person you would want on your company and I know I can be a pain sometimes, but I just want you to know how thankful I am you had somehow put up with me, in your way, and not took me out, and also for saving me from the trolls and well thanks in general for allowing me to still be here. I can´t promise you I will change from the night to the morning, but I will do my best into be the most helpful I can around here…"

There was a silence between us… he seemed processing my words and studying my features, it was really making me feel a bit intimidate by her hard eyes. I waited for his response and then it came in the form of an answer I wasn´t certainly not expecting to hear, it came on the form of three simple words

"Apologize accepted, human"- He said and start heading towards the camp, while I stood their dumbfound making an effort to understand what had just happened.

Okay can someone tell me what just happened? What I did wrong? Because honestly I don´t get. I practically said what he wanted to hear, I had just admitted how selfish and immature, he claimed me to be, I was.

"Aren´t you coming?"-He said and glanced back at me, a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

And that is when I got it.

"Asshole"-I said and returned the smirk.

"What?"

Thorin liked me.

"Grass hole, be careful with them you may fall on one"- I smiled innocently while he glared at me, I quickly head to him, and both made our way back to the company.

It took me while to proceed the idea, but indeed I got to the conclusion that Thorin admit it or not, indeed found me likeable. I don´t know how to explain it, but the looked he gave me after he told me those dry words and the smirk gave me just a few moments ago, made me realize it.

Sure, he didn´t have the type of answer I would have expected to listen, after my heart touching apology/compromise, but coming from this man I couldn´t expect more. But you know what? I didn´t care because I knew he like me, deep down behind his "I´m the boss" and "I have trusting issues" exterior I was sure he somehow appreciate me. Or at least he did to the enough amounts, to take time to subtly tease me. It was a bit hard to understand.

But you know what? I was happy with it. My conscious was clean. Mighty Thorin found me likeable, and I mean who wouldn´t I am an amazing person! Okay I will tone it down a bit, I mean , I am pretty sure that he still found me obtrusive, and would probably still will, but if by now he hadn´t kicked me out of his company then something was going on.

We exchange a glance before entering the camping, he smirked at me, and I was sure I have discover/develop something with the moody king, not sure what it was, but I like it.

"Nothing around"-Said Thorin as always in his serious voice, once we entered

"Nothing on the west"-reported Kili and look at me

"We are safe, you can all rest now"-Thorin dismissed and the dwarves prepare to finally rest.

I spotted Rebecca and Tino cuddling next to a three and knew I wasn´t going to sleep next to my beloved teddy tonight. But it was okay, he deserve to rest from me, for now.

I felt so clean so pure like if all weight had gone now, I feel confident and happy again. I took a deep breathe and look around, I spotted Ori writing in what I guessed was his diary… and immediately remember something.

I head straight to my bag, and grabbed the small-rectangle shaped and leather covered cause of some of my morning troubles.

I went straight to Ori and kneeled to his level. He was a bit startled by my presence and immediately blushed in what I guessed was the remembrance of our previous encounter. It was the first time we talked since our incident and I could spot Dori glancing at us.

"You have been avoiding me all day!"-I stated dramatically.-" I thought we at least got along a little better"

"Wel..I-I-…after this…afternoon"-He started stuttering shyly.

"It´s okay"-I assured him and offered ha smile.-"It was my fault actually… I should have explained better."

"Is not that"-He said "My brother found me right after you left…and he assumed things"

"Ohh…"-I said in realization and blushed at the idea."That explains the strange looks he has given me all day"-I put my palm on my cheek, shame starting to overwhelm me." Oh how embarrassing"

"I swear I didn´t lied about it! I just told him… well the true…"-He blushed and look down at his book, my heart ached at his face. God! Poor thing I don´t know what could have been more embarrassing to him, his brother thinking he was with me, or the poor thing actually saying the embarrassing true.

"No its okay I believe you… but did your brother?"

"Well he seemed to have believed me, but still I think he remained a bit suspicious, so I tried to avoid you in order for him not to forget it…"

"Aww you are such a sweetheart!"-He blushed at my compliment." Well I am pretty sure he would most likely believe, me confusing things as always then his brother rooting with other species"

He seemed a bit offended by my statement.

"Hey what is that suppose to mean?

"No"-I hit my face."-"No I didn´t meant it in that way, ugh you see what I mean? No, I was saying that is more believable to him the idea of me doing something stupid, than his intelligent brother rooting with other species like humans, even if they are as attractive as me!"

He chuckled at my narcissistic statement, I smiled at his lighten up mood and proceed to give him his notebook.

"Here this is yours, thank you"

"You welcome Lulla"-I looked at him surprise, he actually used my name instead of the "miss". Little Ori could be confident when he want to. I smirked and pulled closer to his ear.

"And just so you know… your tool did help me relieve those sensations I was feeling"-I whispered and watch how red the poor dwarf´s face had turned.

He looked at me and I smile at him.

"Goodnight Ori"- And with that I left, and I was pretty sure I would regret saying that in the morning, but fuck morning, today I feel wonderful, today I feel like a fucking tiger!

_And speaking of naughty and animals"-I thought as I saw my favorite couple cuddling to each other._

I went and sat on my spot, which was close to Bilbo´s. He looked at me

"Why so happy?"-Bilbo curiously asked.

"Just because, my dear Bilbo, just because"- I said and smiled at him.

"Well I am glad you are feeling better"

"Thanks. How are you?"

"Good, I guess, still homesick…but ehh I´ll be alright.

"Oh Bilbo don´t worry we will make it"

"You think so?"

"Yes you have me! I can…mmm pretty much eh cook while you fight?.-I said not really finding another thing to do.

Bilbo chuckled a bit.

"I will learn to do something don´t worry"- I said and then stood up from my place.

"Where are you going?"

"Use the bushes…"-I said.-"Yo Tino you think you can come?!"-I shout to my bear and then laugh when I looked at the confused face of Bilbo.

I saw Tino sighed as he separated from his mate, and I could see he was grumbling about it.

"What is it?"

"Don´t worry it will just take a few minutes, then you can go back a whisper naughty things to your girlfriend"-I teased and he half glared at me.

**OOOOOOOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

They were now a bit farer from the camping, but not enough to be alone, just the safe amount of distance to pee without anyone bothering you. Valentino had no idea what his friend was planning but he was wishing it would be done as soon as possible, so he could go back to his lover. Lulla finally stopped on her tracks and turned around to face his furry friend.

"Alright, I want you to tell me now, from where did you exactly got those ingredients"- That was certainly not what the Grizzly was expecting to hear. Panic was quickly starting to find his way through his brain; however he knew better and decided to remain calm. It was not like he would easily get away from this, he had always had, ever since he came to here.

"What? I already told you I found them in the forest"-He said, trying to play cool and casual as usual, but the young human wasn´t buying it, so she gave him a skeptical look or more like an "Are you fucking kidding me" look.

"Oh really, so you are telling me mangoes grow around this area too?"

"Yes they do…"

"And you are also sure coffee does grow in here too"

"Again with that?"-Valentino scoffed." I thought we had already discussed that! I already told you kid, I just smell and find the food, I don´t question why does it grow here, it just does, all of them does!

Valentino was getting really defensive, something he normally didn´t do, but panic was starting to get the best of him, and Lulla noticed. She let out an amused smile, and cock an eyebrow.

"All of them?"

"All of them, yes!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, kid, I´m sure! Can we go now? I got business to-"

"Including a jar of mayonnaise?"-Lulla interrupted, and if it wasn´t because the grizzly had his back turned to her; she might have been availed to appreciate the horror in his face.

"What?"-Was the only phrase he was availed to pronounce, while he processed the stupidity of his mistake.

"You gave me a freaking jar of low-fat mayonnaise, and not only that but also a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of Caesar dressing and Mustard!"-Lulla pointed.-"Dude those are probably the only reasons why this people loved my food so much"

Valentino blinked several times, he was still not being availed to understand, how he, of all people, could commit a mistake so foolish, so careless, so stupid, that even his human friend would know better! And then it all came to him… and it hit him like a bag of bricks in his head. It was all so clear now.

Right after he knocked Bilbo out of consciousness, he start to panic, and in fright someone would get there and find him, he quickly grabbed the first chunk of food that looked "foresty", and immediately went to give them to Lulla, not caring to notice that one or two of the bunch of products he grabbed were the most unnatural food. He wasn´t thinking clear in that moment, the only thing he was concern about, was of Bilbo knowing about his special abilities… so he just act on the moment, pick up the cart, shove the little guy in it and disappeared from the place.

Valentino closed his eyes and shook his face in frustration. How stupid of him. He turned to look at his friend who was looking at him in an awaiting expression. He knew she wanted answers.

"I can explain"-The bear said, not entirely sure of how he would do that.

"Alright explain now"-Lulla said patiently. Tino looked at the other way, and paced for a few steps, thinking if running now would be a good idea. He took a deep breath and look at her, thinking of how he would get out of this one.

"How about to tomorrow?"-He said hopefully and not really knowing another way to escape. He pulled his paw to his eye level and pretended to see his watch. "Look at the hour it's really late!"

However he didn´t count with the fact of Lulla actually noticing the metal device around his wrist and between his thick fur.

"Is that a watch on your wrist?!"-Lulla said in disbelief as she quickly tried to get a better look of it. Valentino cursed under his breath, now there was no way he could get out of this situation.

"NO!"-He said and immediately pulled away from her.

"YES IT IS!"-Lulla said as he took hold of his paw and looked at the expensive looking watch…"VALENTINO EXPLAIN THIS NOW!"

"I CAN´T!"

"YES YOU CAN AND YOU WILL! EXPLAIN ME WHERE DID YOU FOUND THAT KETCHUP, EXPLAIN ME WHY DO YOU DISAPPEAR ALL THE TIME AND EXPLAIN ME HOW THE HELL DID YOU GOT THIS WATCH IF WE ARE SUPPOSEDLY TRAPPED IN HERE!"

Valentino panic, with each word raising her tone of voice, and afraid someone else would hear them, he decided to silence her with the truth.

"Alright! Alright! I will tell you"- He whispered.-"Just please lower your voice, we don´t know who is listening."

The young human immediately stopped, and took a sit on the ground, satisfy with getting what she wanted. Tino took a sit beside her and sighed.

"Kid, what I´m about to tell you, is pretty hard to swallow, so please try to take it the best way possible"

"I am all ears"-Lulla said and Tino closed his eyes.

"Well I…I..-"-Tino stopped as soon as he heard a rustle in the bushes, scared it could be the Spirit he started to stand up, ready to flee. However as soon as he just saw it was Traitor, let out a relief sigh, and took sit once again. Lulla just stared at him confused and proceed to stroke the little rodent, who happened to have ran to her lap.

"So?"

"So basically…the reason that I can get all that food… it's because I can buy it on… Wal-Mart…"

"WHAT?"

"On our world…"

"WHAT?"

"Because the Spirit gave me the ability to teleport to the other world, and any place I want from there, not only that but also a one shot memory erasing power, and pretty much I have been teleporting every day to the human world, since we came here, without you knowing… oh and also Rebecca is from Canada"

Well it certainly took at least 10 seconds for Lulla to process Valentino´s word, but just two and a half to go fuming red and began to give ineffective punches to the fat and muscle covered bear.

"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU? WHY DIDN´T YOU TELL ME BEFORE? YOU SICK BASTARD! I COULD HAVE GONE HOME LONG AGO! I COULD HAVE SEEN IF MY FAMILY WAS OKAY! YOU KNOW HOW WORRY I HAVE BEEN FOR THEM! YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE MOST UNCONSIDERATI-"

"Stop Kid! Please! Just listen to me! Will you?"-Tino said putting both paws on the human´s mouth.

"Listen the only reason, why I didn´t told you was because the Spirit threatened me to do something bad to us, if I did, in fact I am scared she might figure out what I am doing right now, I don´t know what is it with her she is just crazy! I did it to protect you, to protect us Kid!"- He said, and Lulla seemed to soften at his words.

"What about mom, is she worry about me? Did my family found out I was gone?"

"I don´t know kid, one of her rules was that I could teleport anywhere I wanted except our city…"-Valentino pulled an arm around the human in comfort as soon as he saw the sad look on her face, at the guiltiness of the worry she was possibly causing to her family.-"I´m sorry, I don´t know why she even gave me the powers, all I know is she suddenly gave life to me and explained what was going to be the rules, I am also not allow to take you home."

"And is she ever going to take me back to home?"- Lulla asked hoping, she could somehow return.

"Actually yes, she will, eventually…"

"When?"

"Who knows, when she gets bored I guess, she never told me, she just told me that as long I had this watch with me, she would eventually come"

Lulla look into the space. Thinking of how complicated things could get in here. So his bear practically could do anything he wanted, while she in the other hand was trapped in here. She thought it for a while and then came to a good conclusion. She was eventually going to come back. The Spirit did indeed had the intentions to bring her back to her home, who knows when though, but she was going to eventually do it. And Lulla would be being availed to see her family again!

The young human was suddenly filled with a deep sensation of relief. She wasn´t going to abandon her family she was going to see them again, this trip to Middle Earth was just like some kind of vacation to her, a sick and dangerous vacation, but if she was availed to survive it she was going to go back to home! Yeah it was all just a matter of time and patience.

"So we are basically trapped in here, until the spirit feels like taking us back?"

"Well actually you are, I can go anywhere I want just as long as I don´t take you"

"And basically she gave you the powers and abilities to survive here?"

"Um.. yep.."

"What the hell?! I am suppose to be the one with the cool abilities that makes me instantly acceptable to all and useful….what kind of sick joke is she trying to play on me?!-Lulla said in disbelief.-"Well, alright I can live with that!"-Lulla said finally standing up and resigning to her fate.

"Are you sure?"-

"Yeah, is not that bad I mean, now that I know about your abilities you could actually come in handy and make the guys believe I am super awesome with you teleporting us to places!"

"Actually no one aside from me is supposed to know, and my powers don´t work in this world...except of course for the language barrier breaker one…And being availed to travel the other world"

"Ah… oh well… you still can bring me more strange condiments to impress the guys!"

"No, actually it will be better if we do not mention this again, the Spirit might know about your knowledge…"

"Okay Fine… we will pretend nothing happened"

"Thank you"

"You welcome! Now let´s go back, the caffeine is really starting to drift away.."

"Aleluya

The bear and human made their way back to the camping, the reddish rodent following them close behind. When Lulla arrived everyone was already asleep, she silently tip toe, careful not to wake anyone, and collapse on her spot beside Bilbo. It wasn´t long before she fell asleep. Valentino chuckled at the caffeine finally drove away from her, and proceed to cuddle with his mate who was also deeply asleep.

Neither of the two had the remote idea…that somewhere far away from her; a certain blonde Spirit was watching them… from her T.V.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**A/N: And we are done. I think you can pretty much see now, what type of personality Lulla has, she is the kind of person than when things go good for her she is all confident and ready to beat the world, but when things are not going like she wants to she goes all pessimistic and frustrated. Anyway I hope you like today´s chapter, we are going to start following the storyline again so watch out for next chapter… its going to get interesting. Have a nice week! **

**PS: Rebecca! Thanks for all your reviews they make my day! And lol I swear I never realize I had named Tino´s mate like you until 10 minutes later after I post it! Glad that made you laugh**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Sleep Paralysis**

Life is wonderful. No, for real, I am not being sarcastic. Life is indeed fantastic! It has been two days since the incident of the lake, and let me tell you things have been doing great. Ever since then, I have been pushing myself to be a bit more productive and get less on Thorin´s nerves. Just yesterday I made all the meals by myself, almost without the dwarves´ king telling me to. I volunteer in half the duties Thorin ordered yesterday, and even check out the area during nighttime with Fili and Kili!

Yep, I was a renewed, self-sufficient, strong, positive, independent and less whining woman. Complaining days were over for me.

"Ugh! My feet are killing me! Are we there yet?"-I said to my grizzly friend, and just anybody who was willing listened to me. We had been walking all morning.

Well I never said I was perfect.

"I thought you were going to complain less kid"-He said still walking.

"And I thought you were going to be a great side-kick and support, when we came in here…"- I spat irked.

"Oh come on Kid, are you still angry for this morning?-Valentino let out a playful laugh at my expression. Oh did I mention that I possibly/maybe could have had a romantic moment with Kili? And that this mass of fat and fur ruined it just for the fun of it?

**$Flashback$**

So it was morning and everybody was asleep, except for me, because you know, my new strong and independent woman facet allowed me to wake up early and it had nothing to do with the fact I had to go to the restroom/bushes and I couldn´t go back to sleep again thanks to most of the dwarves snores… No of course not. Anyway I decided to go around exploring, since it was at least two hours more before the company woke up.

I walked around for a while until I was at least some yards away from them. I sat down under a tree´s shadow and decided to have a moment of peace. The breeze smelled delicious, fresh and pine stained, the birds were already singing their music to the upcoming breaking dawn. It was still a bit dark, but it was only a matter of time before the pink and orange colors tinted the sky. It was so soothing, so relaxing it almost made want to sleep…no wait… I have to go back to the camping…eh...it´ too far away from…here…I will go later…only… 5 minutes….only….

And that was the last thing I remembered, before slipping into my siesta.

**OOOOOO**

I was woken up by a strange sensation, something was off. Instantly I opened my eyes and found myself face to face to a hideous looking black wolf. It growl at me, allowing me to meet its yellowish and sharp fangs, I look from its fiery eyes to meet with his rider´s ones. It was an orc, a nasty and dire looking orc.

My heart instantly began to violently pulse. How? This couldn´t be possible. I couldn´t had possibly walk that far from the camping. Wait, does that mean the day the orcs attacked for the first time, is today? Holy Shit! I was not prepare for this! Nobody is around what am I suppose to do!?

The orc smiled sinisterly at me and approached with his wolf. The animal started barking rabidly at me, rapidly approaching at my sitting figure. Immediately I prepared to flee from the scene, but when I tried to move, my hands did not responded. I panicked, I wasn´t availed to move anything, neither my legs nor my arms, not even my head. I was paralyze and trapped on my own body. But why? I didn´t have a reason to be like this! I gulped, the orc had noticed my disability, he gave a sick smile to prove it. The orc hit the back of the beast, ordering it to finish me.

My only option was screaming, but when I tried, my vocal cords were sore and useless. Nothing came from my mouth, nothing but a pathetic whisper that not even the sharpest ear could listen to. It was my end.

The beast run to me until it was just a few inches from my face. A heavy feeling was felt on my chest; I knew I was going to die. I could smell the decay in it´s mouth, decay I was going to be soon part of. It growl at me and I closed my eyes, then his sharps fangs pierce my face…

"AAAAAAGH!"

"Lulla what is the matter!? Calm down it's me, Kili!"

"_Kili?"_

I came back, somehow, the wolf and the orc weren´t anymore in front of me, instead, Kili was in my face looking at me with worried eyes. No wait what?! Holy shit!

"Ah!"-I screamed again, making Kili back off, startled by my sudden outburst. This allowed me to stepped aside, and realize I was availed to move again. I understood it now; I was having a bloody sleep paralysis. Ugh, some time since I had one of those.

I looked at the sky, the sun had started to arise now, I had probably been asleep about half hour.

"Hey are you alright?"-Kili asked, standing up and making me turn my attention back to him.

"Yeah I was just having a really horrible dream"- I scratched the back of my neck, a bit embarrassed.

"What was it?"- Kili said stepping closer, concern still on his voice.

"Some wolves eating me alive…I´m okay now don´t worry"- I assure him.

"Sure?"-He asked once more looking carefully at me.

"Yes, what were you doing here anyway?"-I said rapidly changing the subject.-"Please don´t tell me the company has already start leaving?"-I said in horror."They will kill me for not having the breakfast ready!"-Kili chuckled at my face dramatic face.

"Oh no, no don´t worry. They are still asleep"-He said-"I just woke up early and didn´t saw you around, so I deicide to see if you weren´t in trouble or something"

"Aww you came to my rescue, that's so sweet"- I teased.

"Yes, you are definitely a walking danger"-He chuckled.-"You could have probably set the forest on fire"

"Haha"-I faked laugh.-"Really funny"

_Says the guy I had to chase toward 7 realms while he sleepwalked_

"Well they are probably going to wake up soon, better start the breakfast. Want to join me?"- I invited, hoping I could have some alone time with Kili for once.

"Of course"-He accepted, and my inner fangirl almost let me let out a squeal of delight.

_Thanks for the opportunity universe!_

**OOOOOO**

I was doing the breakfast along with Kili, well Kili was just keeping me company and we were actually having a nice time. We were chatting, making jokes, and even start tease each other, and I am proud to tell I just burn my fingers twice, for staring at the handsome dwarf. Yep progress is possible.

"So you never had dream paralysis before?"- I asked curiously at him.

"No, I haven´t, but Fili once had one when we were children"-He said staring at the space on remembrance.

"Oh really?"-I asked, getting interest into knowing a bit more of his and Fili´s childhood.

"Yes, we were sleeping together…"

Oh there goes another burned finger.

_Damn it Kili you can´t just tell me those kind of things when I am cooking! My imagination is really wild you know? Keep it up and you might as well make me set my whole hand on fire. _

"And one night I woke up in the middle of the night, to find him by my side shaking violently he looked completely frightened and I didn´t knew what to do, I was scared I had no idea what was going on with my brother. I tried to speak at him but he didn't respond or move he just kept staring at the ceiling. I though he was going under a spell or something so I just screamed for uncle Thorin. He immediately came to our room, and by the time he came back FIli had woken up. He told us he thought a goblin was going to take him, and that he couldn´t move. Later that night our uncle told us what dream paralysis was, and he stayed on our room until we sleep again… we were really small.

"Aww"-I said and he seemed a bit embarrassed for my fangirl sounds.-"that´s so cute"

_God the fanart I could be drawing right now._

"Do you have brothers or sisters?"-He turned to look at me.

"Umm well, I was only child for a long time, but I do have one, a small little guy of six"

"Oh really?"-Kili said as he raised his eyebrow. -"You never mentioned him before, what´s his name?"

_Cuuuuuuuurse me! Now I have to invent something…._

"Cato…"-I struggled.

_Where have I heard that name before?_

"Cato?"-Kili sounded like he haven´t heard that named before, which he probably not. But hey, it was either that or Toboe.

"Yep, he likes constructing things"-I said, before he could questioned my family´s choice of names.

_Lego things…_

"Does he like swords?"-He asked, curiously.

_Awww Kili do you like children? Because I can make you some…What the hell is going on with my head!?_

"Yes he does, and he likes to practice with sticks and actually hit me with it when I am trying to read…"

_Fanfiction_

Kili chuckled a bit.

"What do you like to read?"- He said, his eyes were looking directly at mine, I could tell he was genuinely interest.

"Stories about adventures"

_Stories about you falling for me… and possibly every single fictional character I have had fall for._

"Is that the reason why you joined?"-He asked

"Partly yeah…I wanted to have one of my own"-"What about you? Why did you joined?"

"To help my people and to have an adventure"-He said simply, his chocolate yes sparkling in excitement.

"Cheers for our adventurous inner child"-I said raising my water cup and start drinking the liquid. When I retired the cup from my face, I catch Kili looking at me strangely.

"What?"-I said a bit startled.

"No nothing"-Kili shrugged and turned to look at the breakfast.-"It´s just that you have a really peculiar way of drinking"-He said now looking back to me,

_Peculiar way? What does that mean? _

"How do I drink it?"-I asked interest in knowing how the hell I looked like when I drink.

"You swallow big amounts of water with each gulp"-He pointed and slightly touched my throat with his index finger, I could feel my cheeks already heat up.-"You are a fast drinker".- I turned to look at him and he retired his arm, slowly putting it back to his side next to me. He gave me a smile."I would be really interest in watching you on a drinking contest, you swallow fast"

"Oh hehehe"- I laughed knowing it was true and also to shrug my tension."I know, well I am not really fond to alcohol so I don´t think that could happen"

"Oh you are not?"

"No, I find their taste to my tongue"

"That´s because you haven´t taste a good one"

"Oh really?"- I said.

"Yes my dear Lulla I am afraid you haven´t yet found the right liquor, they are a lot good ones out there and I will one day with pleasure introduce you to them"

"Well that´s really kind of you Kili!"-I said jokingly.-"Thanks for trying to save me from my ignorance!"-I said sarcastically

"What kind of person would I be if I didn´t save ladies in distress"

"Hey I am not a lady in distress!"- I accused taking my spatula from the still cooking breakfast and using it to smack Kili in the shoulder. He flinched a bit and laughed at my offended attitude.

"Are you sure? You seem to find trouble easily"-He teased.

"But you haven´t had to save me!"

_Fuck you Kili is anyone has been a damsel in distress in here is you! _

"In fact it is me the one who saved you the other night when you were walking around the forest!"- I said as matter of fact, and proud I have possibly got a point.

"The night you strip me from my shirt?"- He teased and chuckled at my jaw drop.

"I already told you it was you who did that!"

"I don´t recall doing such thing"

"Because you were asleep you idiot!"- I responded.

"Well Lulla is the first time you refer at me with such words, I am kind of hurt"-He faked as he touched his heart dramatically.

"And it won´t be the only thing I heart if you continue this"-I threatened and he chuckled as he raised his hands in surrender.

"Alright, I won´t mess with you anymore mighty Lulla"-He said as I returned to my sit.-"But to be fair I did kind of save you once, I had to bandage your own caused injures".-He said recalling the day I tried to depilate a la macho man. "By the way how is your leg?"-Kili said a touched the side of my thigh, instinctively I moved it away.

"It's alright thanks"- I said and he looked at me curiously.

_What kind of mood was this?_

Starting to feel a bit uneasy, I stand up and started to put the now cooked breakfast on each of the men´s ´plates. However I could see from the corner of my eye Kili was looking at me…

_No for real what kind of mood is this…he is looking way too much at me…could it be that..._

"Lulla?"-He said and stood up, gathering some plates and starting to help me. God he is so handsome.

"Can I ask you something?"-He asked calmly

"Sure"-I asked a bit unsure

He looked straight at me with his dreamy brown eyes, he look curious and yet a spark of seriousness, I wanted to look away. The only thing separating us, was the empty plate I was holding in my hands. Ugh Kili is not fair, your face is too handsome to look away.

_No really now, I am not kidding, what kind of mood was this? He is looking too much at me…Could it be….was t this actually happening? Did I entered the twilight zone, was this sleep paralysis? No it couldn´t be, Kili didn´t thought of me like…_

"Have you ever-"

But before I could even know both of as were separated by a 450kg force that passed between us.

"Oh look you made breakfast early"-The person I was going to hate most for the rest of the day said to me. He looked at breakfast on the fire and then to the now separated Kili and furious me. He smiled sheepishly.

"What?"-He asked.-"I am not going to look"

I turned to look at Kili, he was about to say something, but then the voices of the company started rising. They had obviously woken up.

"Kili?"-Thorin´s voiced was heard closed.

"I better leave now, see you on breakfast Lulla"-He gave me a smile before leaving.

And as easy as that my magic moment was gone, far gone, forever. I had one chance, just one chance and it had to be killed by..

"You know the mustard actually improves the taste"

"YOU!"- I spat before throwing myself at the fur mass and start a useless quarrel.

_Oh joy_

**$End of flashback$**

"You really are the person I hate the most"-I state to my bear.

"I thought that was Thorin"-

"No, I have develop a strange empathy/possible affection for him"-I said crossed arms; Tino turned around and gave me a serious look.

"What? You like him too? Kid I think is not morally correct to mess with the uncle and the nephew…"

"Woah! Who talk about that, you perverted piece of"-I had to lower my voice, since the walking group was staring to glanced at us.-"Nobody said that, and don´t try to change the subject, I am still mad at you"

"Oh please, kid, I was making you a favor"-He scoffed.

"Favor? That was the most cockblo-"-Once again, I had to lower my voice, since now Kili and Fili were both glancing back at me. I was walking at the end of the group, about a few feet behind Gandalf and Bilbo."You ruined my moment"

"Like you did it with Becca and me once"-Valentino said and turned to look at his mate, who just smiled sheepishly at me.

"That´s different, she is your mate, you guys can do whatever you want since is mutual. But my moment with Kili was like a one-shot opportunity, it was just the magic of the moment and its never going to repeat, our relationship is as platonic as that…"

"Look at the bright side kid, it will never work, he is a dwarf and you a human, you are not even the same age, how old is he anyway? Don´t they age slower than humans?"

"No need to bring that up! I am not even sure!"

_He is right to some extended, but it was not like I was going to be here forever right? RIGHT?_

"Well just look at it like a good favor from the good old me, kid"

"Kid, Kid, Kid! Could you please stop calling me that? I am 18 years old remember?!"

"That acts like 8 years old most of the time"-He stated and I heard Becca snickered."So nope you are still a kid to me"

"At least call me by name!"

"Lulla?"

"No! I am talking about my real name!"

"Oh! You mean…"

"Lulla?"-Gandalf said as he walked to me-

"Yes?"- I asked and decided to instead, walk to him. He gave me a gentle smile

"I don´t mean to interrupt your lovely conversation with your pet, but the gentleman in here are getting a bit irritated, with the level of voice on your bear´s growl, so could you please tell him to speak a bit lower- I looked from him to the group, some of them did looked annoyed, not that I could blame them, since pretty much all they could hear from Tino were growls.

"Oh alright, no problem"-I said and smiled at Gandalf who just smiled back.

"Thanks Lulla"-He said and returned to the company, while I returned to Tino and Becca.

"You heard him, shut the hell up…"-I said dryly

"You are being really rude to me"-He faked offended.

"Good, you deserve it! You aren´t going to be so easily forgiven, in fact I am not talking to you for the rest of the day!"

"So mature for an 18 year old, fine I have Becca to keep me company"-He said glancing at his mate.

"Good cause I have good old Bilbo!"- I said glancing at the Hobbit.

"Bye then"-He said shaking his paw on a dismissing manner.

"Sayonara"- I saluted and gave a last smirked before I start to joined Bilbo´s side

He let about a short chuckled. Indeed, we were two mature master minds.

"Yo Bilbs! What are you doing?"

**OOOOO**

Of course by dinner time I had completely forgiven the bear…for the most part, but enough to talk again. I made a meal for everyone and since I still got some of my "special" "forestry" condiments, everyone enjoyed them delightfully. Yep I was the queen of the kitchen; in fact these dwarves would be nothing without me. I was practically the boss in here.

"Human what is taking you so long?!"- Thorin asked from the other side of the forest.

_After Thorin of course…_

"I am on it"- I said in a voice that most likely sound like 50s housewife. I really felt like 50s housewife… well at least I didn´t have cloth to wash. Valentino chuckled at my irritated expression.

I was cooking a few yards away, because you know… I like privacy when cooking and I also didn´t want them to question: What was that strange yellow and red liquid I was pouring on their food?

"What are you laughing at"-I said to the bear.-"Aren´t you suppose to be with your girlfriend?"

"She went for food"- He said as he laid down in the floor.

"Why don´t you eat from mine?"-I asked half offended.

"Because the savages on the other side will eat it all"- He rolled his eyes, and rolled to laid now with his stomach up.

"Hey! I always save you some!"- I defended

"Its not enough!"-He protested, and returned to laid on his stomach.

"And that was the reason you decided to sneak out and buy fast food on our world?"

"For the most part"-He stated, and started to stretch his pats.-"I rolled my eyes and continued preparing the stew. It wasn´t until I looked back at Tino that I noticed the absence of a certain device.

I let out a loud gasp and dropped my mouth, making the grizzly jump in surprise.

"What? What is it?!"-He asked frantically.

"The watch! What happened? Why don´t you have it on your wrist?!"-I pointed accusingly with my spoon.

"Oh!"-He said.-"God Kid, you are so scandalous! Calm down, the squirrel has the watch"

"Traitor?"- I asked half skeptically and half worry.

"Yes Traitor has the watch"- He assured.

"Why?!"- I asked and suddenly the reddish squirrel came from a tree hole, with indeed the device on his mouth.

"Because you broke it when you tried to snatch it away from me, and since now it is loose around the wrist, the rodent likes to take it off when I am around"-He said pointing at the squirrel.

I look at him incredulously.

"And you are not worry because…"- I stated, waiting for his uncaring answer.

"Because he have been doing it all day, I trust him, and he knows it's important"

"He knows? How do you?-I started but Tino cut me off with a bored expression.

"I am a bear remember? I understand other species. Can we move on with this?!"

"Of course not! What if he looses it! No I am going to take care of it right now!"- I started walking towards the grizzly, all my intentions to take away the watch and put the only possible way of going back home, safe. But of course the bear saw this and immediately raised his hands and took the wrist away from the squirrel.

"Wow, hold on, strong independent kid, between you and the squirrel I rather have it back"

"Why?"

"You loose everything"-He rolled his eyes and started putting on his watch.

"If you don´t give me that watch now I swear I…."

"Human, if you don´t bring the dinner now, you will make nocturne watch today!"- I heard Thorin boomed from the other side.

"I AM GOING DAMN IT!"- I turned to look at Tino but he was now far way from me,

"Well kid looks like the males need your services and it looks like is time for me to pick up Becca, so see you later"

"We are not done yet Grizzly"- I threatened, the spoon helping me to give a menacingly effect.

"Lulla, we are starving"-I heard Fili said from the other side, and also a few steps coming towards here.

"It looks like we are"-He gave me a smirked "Bye kid"-And with that he teleported to God knows where, leaving me alone with the stew…. Oh Holy shit the stew!

And as quick as I could I went and turned off the fire.

**OOOOO**

"So you had a dream paralysis today?"-Bilbo asked curiously as we were all sitting around the fire and eating our delicious stew.

"Yep indeed"- I said and took another slurp from my stew. God, I am an amazing cooker.

"That must have been scary!"-Bofur said- "What did you dreamt?"

"A wolf eating me…"- I said."Not a pretty memory"-I said, shuddering a bit.

"Ugh! I had one of those once too! Awful experience"-Dori commented

"What was it?" – I asked curiously.

"I dreamed a deteriorate creature was on my chest, it look awful, skin was falling from his face and his mouth smelled like decay, I couldn´t move nor scream and this thing just kept screeching at me!

Eventually the conversation subjects escalated to weird dreams and let me tell you this people had the strangest dreams ever! Bombur admitted he once dreamt he was a woman and was married to an elf. It took us some minutes to finally stop laughing

"Lulla what has been yours?"-Bilbo asked from my left side.

_Slash, Slash, Slash, taking over the world with frogs, Kili and I having a sexy time…_

"Well I once dreamed about you"-I said thoughtfully.

"Oh really?"-He said, I could see he got a bit comfortable, probably thinking I had another type of dream about him, and he wasn´t the only one the dwarves were looking weirdly at me too.

"Yeah you were wearing a corsette and singing on a pub, you had a pretty voice"- I gave a smirk and listen to the laughs from the group. Bilbo had the most hilarious expression.

"So Kili what is your weirdest dream yet?"- Bofur asked to the handsome dwarf a few dwarves away from me.

"Well, you remember the time I sleepwalked?"-He said looking at all the group. I took another sip from my drink.

"Oh the time we found Lulla taking off your shirt while you sleep"- Fili said teasingly, and made me spitted my drink, the dwarves let out loud laughs.

"That one!"-Kili chuckled

"How could we forget"-Thorin joined in my embarrassing session.

"I already told you it wasn´t like that!"-I protested, but it only made the males laugh harder.

"Well I was dreamed the strangest things I ever saw, I was on a fighting arena, and there was this man that spat fire from his mouth, he tried to killed me, then I was at strange room, where everyone was dressing on strange clothing, and suddenly a lot of ladies were over me calling me some name… I think it was Aiden Turner…"

To that point I had already start to chock on my drink, but nobody was putting attention since they were busy listening to Kili.

"The strangest part was when I was falling into a volcano. While I was falling two hobbits were having some sort of fight -"

_Whoa this could go wrong!- thought as soon as I looked at Gandalf´s perked up attention.-"I got to do something…."_

"It was over a ri-"

"WATCH OUT!-I screamed as soon as the hot water started to fall from the cauldron and angry and surprise shouts were thrown to me.

"What on earth!"

"Lulla!"

"Human!"

**OOOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

So basically Lulla threw the stew cauldron off, pretending she had tripped over it. When they asked why I did such thing she argument that' she thought she had seen a snake and she was just trying to get rid of it. It only took about 7 minutes of Thorin screaming at her and other 8 of Gandalf lecturing, before everything went back to normal. Luckily no one got burned with the water, and everyone was too tired to pick back to the subject, so Kili never got the opportunity to finish his dream. Yep, the human was proud of herself.

Everything was okay now, they had already shrugged off the event, and everybody was just preparing to sleep. Thorin was going to make his usual nocturnal patrol, and Lulla being the new productive, strong independent woman decided to help, but since she was scared of Thorin still being pissed at her, the human decided to join the good old Kili instead.

"Hey I think I will join you two tonight"- She said stepping between the two brothers and then glancing at Kili.

"Why? Will you try to seduce my brother, Miss Lulla?"-Fili teased, the human stepped aside and look at them. Thorin had stopped on his tracks and turned around, interest on the answer.

"Oh Fili please" She started.-"Your brother isn´t that lucky"-Lulla said and pinched the brown haired dwarf´s cheek, before heading off to the area. Kili touched his cheek and glanced at his brother, who did the same, they shared a look, before both finally shrugging and end up following the human. Thorin smiled and let out a small chuckled as he continued on his way, in the other side. The human was indeed interesting.

During the nocturne patrol, Lulla attempted to be productive and actually tried to look for something suspicious, but from there to the way back to the camping, she just kept joking with the brothers while she uselessly attempted to untie the new developed dreadlocks on her now not so smoothly hair. Life was wonderful for young Lulla… for now of course.

**OOOOOOO**

**A/N: There goes today´s chapter! I hope you like it! Next Chapter will be up soon, and for real start to follow the story line again. I know I said this was going to do it, but I just had to do this chapter. Anyway I hope you all have a great week, see ya next time! :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: While the plot arrives…**

Life is wonderful. No, for real, I am not being sarcastic. Life is indeed fantastic! It has been four days since the incident of the lake, and let me tell you things have been doing great. Ever since then, I have been pushing myself to be a bit more productive and get less on Thorin´s nerves. Just yesterday, I made all the meals by myself, almost without the dwarves´ king telling me to. I volunteered in half the duties Thorin ordered yesterday, and even check out the area during nighttime with Fili and Kili!

Yep, I was still a renewed, self-sufficient, strong, positive, independent and less whining woman and yes I was using the same dialogue as the last chapter.

Complaining days were over for me.

"Ugh! My feet are killing me! Are we there yet?"-I said loud enough for Thorin to hear me, while I walked next to my hobbit friend. Of course the blue eyed dwarf ignored me, but I could imagine his eyes rolling. We had been walking all morning.

Well, I never said I was perfect. Oh don´t give me that look. Of course you all know I still complain and still manage to get on Thorin´s nerves from time to time, but come on, give me some credit, at least now I do it in much smaller portions, especially with mighty Thorin.

"Bilbo, could you carry me please?"- I shamelessly requested and pout at my friend, Bilbo raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a face that most likely said "Don´t start with your shit".

Ugh, it had been a really boring morning, no for real! Nothing has happened, other than me chatting with Bilbo stared at Kili when he or Bilbo weren´t looking and Rebecca and Valentino sent to walk a couple of feet behind the company by Thorin… Oh didn´t I mentioned that before? Tino and his girlfriend manage to get on the dwarves nerves…again.

**$Flashback$**

**Obnoxious POV**

It was still early morning, the group had left the camping about an hour ago, and for the last 60 minutes Valentino was trying to explain the situation to his girlfriend…

"So... let me see if I got it, the little man with large feet is a hobbit?"- Rebecca asked, still trying to get to know all the species in the strange dimension.

"Yes,"-Tino confirmed

"And the tall man with black hair and blue eyes is a dwarf?"

"Yes..."

"And is the King of the dwarves?"-The female bear pointed the top of her head and moved her paw to simulate the silhouette of a crown. Some of the dwarves were already starting to lose their patience and closed their eyes in desperation.

"Yep, we are trying to help him retrieve the land that was taken away from him, or at least that is what the dwarves, hobbit and old man are trying to do. As for the kid, I have no idea what is she still doing in here…"-The last part was said loud enough for Lulla to hear it.

The human turned her head violently and glared darkly at the bear, clearly offended by his comment, but she only received a sardonic smile from the bear.

"Wait I still don´t understand. Who is the handsome brunette walking beside the blond?"-The female beast asked, once she spotted the creature she was curious of.

"Oh that? That´s Kili"-Tino answered casually, once he identified the person his love one was speaking about. "He is the one the kid likes"-He said, again, a bit louder in order for her friend to listen. "**AND SHE SHOULDN´T SINCE HE DOUBLES HIS AGE**

That is when Lulla´s body suffered a quick violent shake, due to the repressed anger she was currently under, caused by Tino´s words. She had been holding her comebacks all morning.

However, the young girl was not the only one being affected by the Tino´s words. Thorin was starting to get tired of both beasts too.

_And since when you act so fatherly, stupid bear? Just a week ago you fed me with poisonous berries and abandoned me on the forest! _

There was a small pause of silence; everything went back to peace, and for a moment hope was restored inside the group.

"Really? But they look the same age…"-Rebecca had a puzzled expression on her face; all this was too complicated for her. Several dwarves let out their groans of disappointed; it was too good to be true.

To be clear, the dwarves weren´t irritated by the constant questions of the female bear and the non-stop talking between the pair, no, they couldn´t understand what they were blabbing about. It was the sounds emitted every time they opened their mouths to talk, what really was getting on everybody´s nerves.

What Lulla hears:

"That is because they age slower"-Valentino explained and received an intrigue look from his mate.

"And what is he?"-She asked curiously.

"A dwarf"-Rebecca turned her gaze from the brunette dwarf to her lover and gave him an incredulous look.

"What?"

"A dwarf?! Really?"- Rebecca questioned skeptically.

"Yes, he is the leader´s nephew"-Valentino responded a bit confused into why she would be so incredulous about it. The female grizzly looked from Kili to some of the dwarves, in her eyes something was off, as if some pattern was missing.

"And why doesn´t he look like the others? You know the large nose, bushy eyebrows, and beard…"- The female questioned, once founded the finding the missing pattern.

**Pause**

Okay, that´s pretty much what the young Lulla listens to, or at least Valentino´s part since she is still unable to understand what the female bear is saying. Now, on the other hand, this is what the rest of the group heard.

**Replay**

"GROWL GROWL GROWL GROWL"

"ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR?"

"GROWL GROWL GROWL GROWL"-

"GROWL?"

"ROAR GROWLf?! GROWL?"

"ROAR, ROAR GROWL ROAR GROWL´s ROAR"-

"ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR GROWL GROWL GROWL? ROAR ROAR GROWL GROWL ROAR, GROW GROWL, ROAR GROWL…"-

It may not seem like a big deal right now, but imagine listening to that kind of noises for an hour without stopping. Yeah, to this point even Bilbo was getting tired.

"And why doesn´t he look like the others? You know the large nose, bushy eyebrows, and beard…"- The female questioned, once founded the finding the missing pattern.

Valentino opened his mouth to answered, but closed it when he realized he didn´t have one.

"You know… I have no idea!"-Tino admitted.-"Hey Kid why doesn´t your platonic crush look like the rest of the dwarves!?"

Lulla, who was trying her best to keep a conversation with Bilbo in order to ignore the bear´s teasing, made no comeback.

"Ah never mind she is ignoring me"-Tino shrugged and turned his head to his lover.

"Sabes que no entiendo? Si el mago puede teletransportarse, por que no simplemente nos lleva a todos a la dichosa montaña?"

"You know, I don´t get that either"-Valentino agreed.-"Hey kid, if Gandalf can teleport, and do stuff why doesn´t he simply takes all, instead of having us walking across the continent and risking the exposure of the Company?"

"Oh for goodness sake! Lulla can you make them stop?"-Oin requested, already irked by the noises.

"Sorry, I can´t do a thing about it Mr. Oin, it´s mating season… just be thankful they are talking and not doing other things…"Lulla said and glanced back at the pair.

_So much for a good morning-The human thought hopelessly_

"Wait, again, what happened to the horses?"-Rebecca asked, not remembering the reason, his lover previously explained.

"Oh some trolls took them away…yeah way to go Company"-Tino said sarcastically, only to receive a perplexed expression from the female bear.-"What?"

"Tino, you told me trolls are like eight-foot tall, how the hell did they managed to stole them from the dwarves' noses without getting noticed!?"

Valentino scratched the back of his head confused,

"You know, that's another good question! I can assume that the kid´s crush and his brother are stupid but then again I could just ask the kid. Hey kid!

"That´s it, human, tell your pets to walk behind of the group"-Thorin snapped.

"Thorin they are already behind us"-Lulla pointed

"Then make them retreat further!"-Thorin commanded and by this point you could see half of the dwarves´ smiles of both relief and satisfaction. Long Life to Thorin

**$End of Flashback$**

And that´s pretty much how those ended up back in there, and I would lie if I told you Lulla was the only one happy to complied such order. Yeah, those dwarves really need to learn how to hide their satisfaction. Lulla did felt a bit bad for making them go several feet behind the group, but then again the couple didn´t mind and she did started to get tire of Tino´s non-stop teasing. So yeah apart from that nothing has happened this morning, to be honest, it was being a really boring morning, and God knows that when boring happens Lulla gets pretty random and weird. And oh surprise she was getting bored. Heaven save the poor soul walking besides her.

"For Goodness sake are we there yet?!"- Lulla whined.

"Lulla is the third time you ask that"-Bilbo commented.

"I know, but come on! How far are the Misty Mountains?! Weeks? Days? Isn´t there another way to go, instead of strolling or walking? Like I don´t know a shortcut….or who knows, some kind of **giant birds that could take us"- **She glared at Gandalf, who was calmly smoking his pipe.

"What?"-Bilbo asked confused, making the human immediately snapped out and turn to him.

"Oh nothing, just complaining"-The hobbit raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement.

"Well to be honest I don´t think I am ready yet get there"-He looked down at his feet

"Oh come on Bilbo don´t be so harsh on you, remember you saved us from the trolls, and I just got caught.."-The human said not looking fondly at the memory.

"For saving me"-Bilbo corrected.-"And again, thank you"- Lulla gave him a grin.

"That´s what the wealthy bastards do for each other, I got your back Bilbs"-She patted the Hobbit´s back before pulling her hands and patted his head. She stopped for a bit, and patted again, suddenly the patting turned into petting, and then the petting turned in to twisting. Her fingers were twisting the curls on the hobbit´s head.

"Umm Lulla, what are you doing"-Bilbo asked confused and a bit uncomfortable by the touch. Lulla kept twisting his light brown locks, an intrigue expression on her face.

"I am sorry"- She said retreating her hand, but still keeping her gaze on his curly hair.-"It´s just that damn it Bilbo! How can your hair be that smooth?! I mean seriously you have washed your hair the same times as me, and is not even close to look like this!"- Lulla graved a strand of her tangled hair, proving her words. Bilbo raised his eyebrows a not so amused expression on his face.

**OOOOOOOOO**

Kili was walking along his brother´s side, as he usually does, but it was a rare moment of silence between them. Fili was about to say something, but caught his brother looking from the corner of his eyes to the back of the group.

Fili gave him a curious look, and glanced back trying to see what the source of distraction for his brother was. Among their fellow dwarf friends, he found a particular pair talking rather pleasantly between them; they were no other than Lulla and Bilbo, the outcasts. The blonde looked between them to his brother. Was the young dark brown hair human what his brother was so interested looking at?

"Kili"-Fili prompted.-"What are you looking at?"

"Just seeing what was Lulla up to"-Said turning his attention back to his brother.

"Oh yes, it looks like our human friend decided not to walk along with us today"-Fili said casually.

"Yes"-The brunette said thoughtfully

"Pretty strange if you ask me, she doesn´t usually deny you offers"-The older brother playfully commented, but Kili´s attention was back to the young human. Fili eyed him suspiciously, Kili seemed in deep thought and it was the when Fili came to a conclusion. "Kili, don´t tell me you are falling for Lulla"-He said seriously.

"What?"-Kili turned his attention once more to his older brother.-"No! Of course not!"

"Then what is it?"-Fili questioned impatiently.

"It's just that"-Kili started and a made a quick glance to the back of the group. "How you ever noticed that her accent is so different from ours?"

"What? What do you mean?"-Fili asked puzzled about what his younger brother was trying to say.

"I am serious Fili, just listen to her…"-Kili said and rolled his eyes in her direction. Fili confused by Kili´s statements, decided to pay attention.

"Bilbo, are you hungry? Because I am, I ate almost nothing this morning"….- She had a peculiar way of pronouncing ate.

"She doesn´t sound a thing likes us…like anyone I ever heard"-Kili claimed. Fili tried to listen more carefully.

"By the way you think we could make some herbal tea later? I mean water is great I guess, but I miss the tea"

"Oh for goodness sake you are right! That isn´t a common accent"-Fili exclaimed, as soon as he realize her accent.

Fili turned around discreetly, to catch a bit more of her accent; it was nothing like he had listen before. I mean, it was still understandable but it was just the way she subtly pronounced some words, and especially the ones with the letter T. How did they not notice before?

"Do the people from Arnor speak like that?"-Kili asked curiously.

"I don´t know I have never been in there, but I don´t really think they do…Maybe is just a family thing…"-Fili answered trying to find an explanation

"Maybe…"-Kili said thoughtfully.

Lulla glanced from Bilbo and noticed the brothers´ were staring at her, she looked to her side and then back to then, unsure if the attention was given directly towards her. Once the three of them made eye contact, she awkwardly decided to wave. Fili and Kili waved back and then turned around to each other. Lulla shrugged the strange vibe she was feeling, not really having the slight idea that the brothers had for once, noticed her foreign American accent).

**OOOOOOOOOO**

And as for Lulla´s condition by the time the Company took a small break… it got worse…much, much worse…

"Bilbo…"-Lulla started. She and Bilbo were sitting on a fallen tree trunk.

"Yes, what is it?"-Bilbo asked a bit impatient, feeling she was going to do yet another strange question just like the ones she had been making for the last 10 minutes.

"Can I touch you feet?"- Bilbo coughed at her words.

"Excuse me?"- He asked.

"I said that if may I touch your feet?"-Lulla said unfazed, it was too late for her to reason the strangeness of her wish.

"No!"-Bilbo exclaimed, obviously uncomfortable. He was not being able to understand why would she requested such thing." I mean no…why would you want to touch my feet?!"

"I am curious about their mechanism and ability to make 80 miles easy for you! Come on just one touch!"-Lulla said and prompt to touch the hairy toes. Bilbo uneasy by such actions quickly removed his feet from her way.

"No! Lulla stop it!"-The hobbit exclaimed, a clear blush on his face.

"Don´t be so selfish Baggins! Is not like I am going to shop them off with this!"-Lulla complained and pointed at her sword.

Bilbo looked at her friend, horrified by such words.

"Oh please Bilbo! Really? You think I will do that?! Just let me touch them!"-The human stretched her arm to catch him but Bilbo quickly pull them up to the trunk.

"No! And stop asking!"-Bilbo demanded

Lulla didn´t accepted her rout and continued to harass Bilbo, which conclude on Bilbo falling from the edge of the trunk. Once on the floor, he realized it would be useless fighting against the odd behavior pattern of his friend.

"Fine! Just do it quickly"-Bilbo said defeated and took a sit on the trunk, irked by the whole situation.

"Yay!"-Lulla started poking his left foot, amused at the almost rubber like texture.

"_This is so cool"-_She thought, and suddenly her eyes met the hairs oh his feet. She smiled sheepishly and started lightly brushing the hairs, provoking tinkling on his feet.

_Oh great no it looks like I have feet fetish or something…-Young Lulla thought as soon as she start realizing how wrong her actions might looked like. _

"Alright enough already"-Bilbo cleared his throat and moved his hairy feet out of her way. He stood up and thought that perhaps he should go with Gandalf for a while, at least until his human friend come to her senses

"Hehe, just testing how sensible they could be"- The human said also standing up. Bilbo blushed at her words.

"Lulla you shouldn´t do those things…"-He commented embarrassed by situation.

"I am just intrigue at other races! Blame me for trying to learn about other species' anatomy right?!"- Lulla said and Bilbo turned to look at her seriously.

"Lulla that can be easily misunderstood…"- He said.

"What do you mean?!" Lulla turned around and noticed everyone was looking weirdly at her, she looked at them in a "what" look. They chuckled at her naivety, but of course she knew how her words had intentionally sounded like.

"What!? You are going to blame me for be interest!"-She complained as everybody turned around to do their thing.

_Well to be fair that was how the Ori incident started like… Oh stupid male and there stupid dirty minds… HAHAH I am one to talk….-Lulla thought and ultimately decided to check how his bear was doing._

**OOOOOOOOOO**

Lulla went to the spot where Tino was resting and surprisingly not with Rebecca. Valentio had his eyes close and Lulla sat down with him.

"Are you done hounding the poor Bilbo?"-The bear opened an eye and chuckled at his friend´s expression

"Well what can I say when I get bored, I tend to hassle people for pure enjoyment"-Lulla retorted. Tino rolled his eyes.

"Oh yes, I am one to know about that"

"By the way where is Becca? She was with you 10 minutes ago"

"She went to you know…get food"-Tino said avoiding the "other world" subject. Lulla gave him a strange look, but then got what he meant.

-"Oh she went to the other world?"

"Don´t say that aloud!"-Valentino snapped.-"Remember she might have listened"

"Tino, don´t you think that if she had noticed she would have made her "bad thing" by now?"-The human inquired.

"Who knows, but I won´t risked it anyway"-He said and closed his eyes again. Lulla sighed and watched the group from her place, everything seemed in order, but when her eyes meet with Killi´s she immediately avoided the eye contact and pretended she was looking the sky. She then turned her head to his sleeping bear.

"Oh my god, Tino he is staring me"-Lulla said, trying not to look on Kili´s direction

"Who?"-Tino said opening an eye

"Kili! He was staring at me"-She whispered.

"Oh please kid!"-Tino said, a peeved expression on his face.

"No, I´m being serious, he has been doing it lately!"-She protested but Valentino scoffed.

"Don´t be childish"

"No i swear Tino, something is going on" –Lulla looked at Kili´s direction and he was now talking to Fili. The bear just rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"I think he... might like me..."- The young human thought of dreamily.

"I am out of here"-The grizzly announced as he slowly began to stand up.

"What is your problem?"-I have nothing against your crush!

"One she is not a crush she is my mate, second nothing of what you are saying is true! You are making up things because you allow your inner fangirl to do"

"That´s not true!"

"Oh really the guy shows friendliness and now he is so into you! Really kid?"-The bear says sarcastically, making-Lulla narrowed her eye.

"All right maybe you are right, I am letting my imagination run free, but hey, you are the one with the superpowers in here so come, listen to them and tell me if they aren´t speaking about me"-Lulla said confidently.

"Fine I will, just promise me you will stop your imagination running free and accept your crush as platonic only, is for your own good kid"-Tino said seriously, to which the human nodded.

The grizzly looked in their direction and listened carefully, until he found the subject of their conversation.

"Well they are talking about you"-Tino admitted

"HA!"-Lulla victoriously exclaimed pointing at at the bear.

"But they are doing it about your strange, and unfitting American accent that sounds nothing like they heard before..."-The color in Lulla´s face immediately drained.

"What?!"

"Oh yes they know"

"Oh my God! What? Are you kidding me? I have spent several days with them and until now they noticed?"

"Well I think it was about time, I was stating to think Gandalf and Bilbo were the only reasonable people in here"

"You know how hard it has been for me not using any modern slang or swear in here for the last days? If it wasn´t because of my private talks with you, I would had spitted my slang already! Great just great, now I will have to make yet another excuse for when those two tell Gandalf or worse Thorin!"

"Don´t work yourself up too much kid, is not that severe, for now they just think it has something to do with your family"

"Oh"-The human felt a wave of relief strike her.-"Oh well, in that case…"

"Human, stopped sitting around its time to go!"-Thorin called from the distance.

"Better get on Thorin´s good side, just in case"-Lulla said, a slight note of disappointment on her voice, for she wasn´t ready for the yet to come miles. She stood up and turned to look at her bear.-"Are you sure you don´t want to carry some of the dwarves´ luggage?"

"For the last time kid, neither my mate nor I will carry those people´s luggage just for you to look good, in front of Thorin. We are neither your personal slaves nor your load beasts, so please get that idea out of your head"

"Alright, alright, gee, no need to get yourself so worked up, it was just a suggestion"-Lulla said and raised her hands in surrender"

"Human! We don´t have all day! Come here or we will leave without you"-Thorin threatened, already impatient of waiting.

"Oh, see what you did! You are making me look bad!"-Lulla blamed playfully.-"Better leave, before I go back to his black list, oh by the way remember keep some feet of distance"

"I think I will catch later, I still need to pick up Becca"

"Alright, suit yourself"-Lulla responded.-"Oh do you think you could bring me another "special forestry ingredient"? I want to surprise them tonight.

"You know I can´t do that"

"But you have been doing it for the last…"

"SHHHH"-The grizzly hissed.-"It was a mistake, now please stop mention it"

"Fine!"-Lulla rolled her eyes.-"Just don´t take too long"

"I won´t"

"Human we are leaving either you come or stay behind"-Thorin threatened about to leave now.

"Alright, alright! I am coming! Gee!"-Lulla said as started walking towards the group.

"Aren´t your pets coming?"-Thorin asked, noticing the absence of both bears following her.

"Oh they will come later, as soon as they finish mating"-Lulla said deadpanned. Thorin shook his head and commanded the group to depart.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Lulla and Bilbo were walking together again, yet this time they were walking quietly and were a few feet behind Gandalf who was walking behind the group. Lulla was busy petting Traitor and making retarted voices and faces at his cuteness, while Bilbo in the other hand, was deep in thought.

"Aren't you the cutest squirrel?"-Lulla cooed while, and petting the rodent´s head- The creature closed his eyes in bliss.-"Yes you are! Look at those cute little paws, and those cute little ears and those cute little teeth- AGH!"-Lulla flinched as soon as the creature bite her curious finger.-"Bad Traitor, bad traitor, there will be no berries for you tonight"-She threatened but Traitor just jumped from her hands and walked by her side, not given a fudge about the world.

"You know I am kind of jealous"-Bilbo said, once free from his thoughts.

"I am sorry what?"-Lulla asked, picking the squirrel and turning to look at her friend.

"I admit it, I am kind of jealous of you Lulla"-Bilbo said, a grimed look on his face. Lulla was taken aback by his comment.

"Aah, excuse me but I was the one who got bitten by this squirrel"- Lulla said quizzically, while pointing at the squirrel on her shoulder. She was having trouble understanding what Bilbo could be jealous of.

"Oh you know what I´m talking about…"-Bilbo retorted and turned to look at Lulla.

"No… I don´t, could you please be more specific"

"They accepted you"-Bilbo said and looked at the human, but she was still having trouble understanding.

"Who?"-She asked.

"Them! They have come to accepted you more than they will ever do with me"-Lulla noticed his doleful expression.

"Oh Bilbs please"-She started but was cut off by the hobbit.

"No don´t give me that, they do"-Bilbo asserted

"Alright maybe they do"-The brown-haired girl said, seeing there was no real point in denying it." But they do accept you too"

"No they not, have you seen how Thorin looks at me? He just sees me as a burden"

"Just because mighty Thorin does, doesn´t mean all of them do, besides he is Thorin for goodness sake he came to the world like that!"

Bilbo gave her a Slight smile

"They do remember, it was you who save us from the trolls"-The human remembered.

"You help too"-The hobbit gave a small smile,

"No…I actually got them caught and just catch up your plan faster than them, really faster...I mean seriously wasn´t it obvious…

Bilbo chuckled at the memory, yes, the whole company for a moment thought he was betraying them.

"Just give them time and soon you will feel like you long here, because you do, you are after all the burglar"-Lulla stated proudly.

"Thanks Lulla"-Bilbo thanked sincerely, he was glad to have someone like her in here.

"Don´t worry Bilbs"-Lulla an arm around the hobbit. "Someday we will completely fit in here and for now I got your back and sword!"-Lulla grabbed Bilbo´s sword.

"Hey give me back that!"

"No fair yours get to magically flash when goblins and orcs get near"-Lulla said looking at the sword from different angles, which to Bilbo in her hands, could only bring catastrophe.

"Give back that"-Bilbo stated deadpan

"Alright fine"-She said handing the sword.

There was small moment of silence between the pair… not an awkward silence but a pleasant one. Lulla seemed in deep in thought that was until a question came into her mind.

"Bilbs"

"Yes?"-Bilbo said turning to look at the young girl.

"Are you married?"

_Oh there goes your stupid questions again, nice Lulla really nice, a heartwarming moment had just passed and you just got to kill the atmosphere don´t ya? Well don´t blame me I am getting bored, and Bilbs is my source of entertainment right now. You already know he isn´t marry, why would you ask that? Well he doesn´t know that I know, besides maybe he has a love interest someone we don´t know that is never mention not even in the books! You have nothing better to do right? Nope, not at all_

"What?"-Bilbo questioned, making sure he listened correctly.

"Are you with someone?"-Lulla responded

"Mmm, no, not yet"-Bilbo gave her a strange look, this wasn´t the type of question he expected and to be honest he didn´t felt comfortable with it.

"Is there a girl?"-Lulla asked curiously

"No… I already told you"-The hobbit stated getting a bit bothered by the subject.

"Oh come one Bilbo there must be someone!"-She exclaimed impatiently.-" Someone you like, a lovely lady"-Lulla pulled together both her hands and blinked in a girly way.

"No there isn´t Lulla"-Bilbo confirmed exhausted.-"And why there is now a sudden interest on my love life?"

"Her name is Aster, right?"-The brown eyed girl guessed, completely ignoring the previous question.

"No…"

"Ariel"

"No…"

"Rose!"

"Lulla I already-"

"Bramblerose!"-Lulla interrupted enthusiastically.

_Oh great now the exotic believable names do come to your mind! Now that you named yourself Lulla!-She thought._

No! Lulla really, I have no one yet, could we please change of subject?"-The hobbit pleaded.

"Fine"-She answered as she rolled her eyes playfully.

"Thanks"-Bilbo sighed, and another moment of silence began.

Lulla glanced at Bilbo.

"I bet his name is Benedict…"-She whispered to herself, but Bilbo managed to listen.

"What?!"

"Nothing didn´t say anything"-She said innocently.-"Want to help me with today´s with supper?"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**$25 minutes later$**

_OH GOD THIS IS SO BORING!-The young human thought_

At least we agree in something….Oh well it has been 25 minutes already, Valentino and Becca were walking behind the company and Lulla´s mind passed from singing songs on her head, to imagining musicals with the Company, and now complain…a lot...

_Really! How long do I have to wait for something interesting happening!? I mean don´t get me wrong it has been fun, but God! We have been walking all day! If today we aren´t going to do anything can I please sit down and draw something! Seriously I want an umbrella this freaking sun is going to roast me! Why do I have to be such a gentleman! Why can´t I just grabbed Valentino and sit on him! Ugh Kili, Fili why did you had to lose those ponies!_

"_Complaining days were over for me"_

_Oh yeah well, at least I am not complaining at loud! How long will it take for Radagast to come? I mean wasn´t he supposed to be here like three days ago! I want to go to Rivendell! I am tire of walking and answer Gandalf´s random questions…Give up already Gandalf I am not going to harm anyone of you… stop trying to look past my lies…stop asking the names of my family members! I am running out of names! Oh by the way my parents are now Katniss Everdeen and Peta Carazyn, because fuck, why not!?_

_Alright stay positive Girl, think positive!_

_I am enjoying this! For real! BUT GOD It has been a while of us walking now! I don´t want to walk, I am tired, not even the gym could tired me like this and I considered myself a tough girl_

_Oh really?_

_Alright kina of tough, but hey, this is ridiculous!_

"Something is coming!"-Thorin announced, making everybody except for Lulla go alert mode.

"Stay together"-Gandalf ordered and went closer to the group.

_Maybe I should learn to…Wait what?_

"Come on Lulla"-Bilbo said and quickly grabbed the hand of the distracted human.

"Alright"-Lulla said than turned to look at her bears, she whistled at them and indicated them to come to the group.

"Hurry now, grab your swords!"- Gandalf ordered, the group was tense, not knowing what was coming, but still they kept their senses alert. The rustles of the intruder came louder. Everyone had their sword ready to attack any enemy that dared to encounter them.

"Thieves! Fire! Murder!"-The stranger shouted, and then arrived in front of the group in what it look like a wood sleigh pulled by rabbits…

The group backed off a bit, then quickly Gandalf identified the stranger.

"Radagast!"-Gandalf exclaimed and went to the strange wizard with bird crap on his hair.

"Kid, was going on?"-Valentino whispered to the human beside her.

"The plot arrived"-The human said and gave a fake smile to the grizzly

_And I am so screw! Yep I hope those Pirates of the Caribbean movie marathons were worth of something, because I am really going to need my sword for when those orcs and Jacob´s ugly cousins come...But really, I "enjoying this", hehe…Hurray for life!_

**OOOOOOOOOOOO**

**A/N: there goes, Chapter 14 is on its way, I hope you enjoyed it! Rebecca thanks for your review, again, you are awesome!**

**PS: Amy if you are reading this, I do plan continuing The Thor Fic, just as soon as I am done with this one.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Being Brave is for Stupid People**

Okay let´s clear up some things in here first, shall we? I consider myself a quite understandable person, I understand that when shit happens to me, it's probably because I asked for it, it has kind of become a habit between the universe and I. I asked for shit to happen, and then the universe gives me shit. Example, I asked for lifetime adventure, to get inside of Middle Earth and yep, an evil X-mas Spirit brought me to Middle Earth with no abilities, except for a talking bear that constantly abandons me. I asked for a nice moment with Kili and I had to chase him across several dimensions to prevent him from getting killed, and got no credit or a thank you for saving his life….

Now I understand that I might have acted lazy, inconsiderate and ungrateful until a few days ago, I understand that I had add a few gray hairs on Thorin´s head, due to the stress levels I had put him through… I even understand the fact that I might have annoyed the crap of poor Bilbo a while ago, and I understand when the universe wants to teach me a lesson. I know, I am cool with that… BUT REALLY?! ITS THIS THE TYPE OF PUNISHMENT YOU ARE GOING TO CONSTANTLY PUT ME THROUGH?! I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT KINDA OF SHITTY LIFE LESSON IS THIS, WHY OF ALL THE PEOPLE I HAVE TO GET THIS TYPE OF PUNISHENTS?!

Really? Am I the only person who the universe takes everything I say literal? When I said I was bored and kind of wanted for Radagast to come, this morning. I meant it as in the way you say "I am so bored I want to kill someone". It doesn´t mean you really want to kill someone, and if you do, then you are a messed up mothefucker! I didn´t really wanted Radagast to come right now; I am not ready yet for that shit! And I know what you are all thinking: Oh bitch please; it has been days already, you should be ready by now! Where are your ovaries?!

Haha, well let me tell you, it will be a pleasure to trade my actual situation with yours for an hour at least. Then, we will see who´s ovaries are ready!

Okay, Okay, sorry that was unasked for. It´s just that I am just getting a bit stressed out in here. Gandalf and Radagast had already gone to talk about their stuff, while the rest of us are just wait for them… here… standing alone…. in the middle of the forest…. Not doing a shit… **Yeah! I totally don´t see that backfiring!**

"Am I the only one who thinks we should keep moving?- I said loud enough, however none of the males seemed to listen and just kept blabbing.

"I don´t know. What do you think they are talking about?"-Gloin asked.

_A fucking necromancer chilling around the area! Don´t worry you will have to take care of that later, the creepy looking hyenas coming for us is what we should worry about now!._

"Wizard issues, I guess"-Bofur shrugged.

_What is wrong with this people? Don´t they know they are being hunted?! Oh yeah… they don´t I haven´t say a thing! Why? Because I don´t know how to explain I suddenly obtained that knowledge!_

"Guys…"-I tried while I carefully scanned the area the best I could in search for something that could potentially kill me. Seeing how I got no answer (probably because my previous call was more of a mutter) I tried another time.

"Guys…."-I said a bit louder, but again no attention was put to me.

_Maybe if I turn around and actually face them…_

"Guys!"- I said turning around.

"What is it Lulla?"-Fili asked as he apparently came out of nowhere from behind.

"Ah!"-I yelp and slightly jumped at the sudden presence. I turned around to meet him; he gave me a strange look. But now having the attention of someone I decided not to wasted it.-"I really think we should keep going"

"Why? Wasn´t a rest what you wanted"- Bilbo who was close said, joining the conversation.

_A rest in peace isn´t what I meant…_

"I wanted, but I am starting to have a bad feeling now…"-I trailed off

_Damn it! How can I explain them the freaking plot demands us to move?!_

"What do you mean?"- Fili asked not really getting my mumbles´ meaning…

"I have the feeling something bad is going to happen…"- I tried.

"Like what?-Kili asked also joining the conversation.

"Like a…"- But before I could say anything, I was immediately cut by a howl I was hoping it wasn´t true.

_Like that, for instance_

Everybody turned around, searching for the source of the noise. I had already lost their attention, but by now, it was too late to make a warning.

_Okay calm down girl you own this! Is not that bad, those wolves aren´t that bad, you can beat them, and who knows maybe under that hideous aspect they are just misunderstood creatures, maybe the only thing they are searching is for is paradise!_

"Was that a wolf? Are there wolf out there?"- Bilbo asked naively

_They won´t hurt you, they won´t harm you, they are just bunch of misunderstood over-sized wolves that haven´t found paradise yet!_

"Wolfs not that is not a wolf…."-Bofur said a scared look in his face, everyone became alert and looked carefully around.

_Yes Bofur they are wolves! Innocent cute little wolves who just want us to share their story! Life is great, I am great, they can´t hurt me they can´t HOLY SHIT!_

"Watch out!"- I screamed as soon as I spotted the over-sized atrocious concoction of hell…

_Oh God that so does not look like KIba!_

Suddenly the beast jump to attack, and I swear, that when the damn thing jumped over he was about 6 inches away from tearing my head! Thankfully he didn´t and land in the other side, where Thorin took him and smashed it with his sword, meanwhile I quickly ran beside Kili.

_Yeah take that motherfucker!_

"Kili use your bow!"- The King commanded as soon as he saw the other bastard coming behind. Quickly, Kili prepared both his arrow and bow and shot the animal. The creature fell yet it was ready to keep going, however, before it could do anything, Dwalin smashed him with his hammer!

_Dwalin is such a badass..._

All this happening while I kept pathetically hiding behind Kili and hopelessly praying for nothing bad happening to me.

_There is no place like home! There is no place like home! They are badass they will protect me! I am adorable they will take care of me right? RIGHT?! OH PLEASE GOD, ALLOW ME TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE!_

Yeah keep encouraging the idea women can´t fight you pathetic piece of shit! Okay I know I was acting really cowardly in those moments, but hey! If you can´t do stuff the best way to help is not to get in the other´s way

_Agh! Why me?! First you give me a creepy a nightmare of one of those things tearing my face, and now you bring them here! What´s your problem universe!?_

"Kid what the hell are those things!?"- Tino said joining my side looking as terrified as I, but I didn´t got the chance to explain.

"There comes another!"- I screamed from behind Kili, as soon as I saw the other creature heading towards Dwalin.

_By God, is pointing stuff the only thing you are good at? What are you an exposition character? Do something productive!_

Dwalin was ready to smash it, but before the creature could get close to him, Becca surprisingly jumped in front of him and growled violently at the creature. The thing back off a bit, but soon growled back and prepared to attack, yet, before it could even do something, Rebecca stood up and blow a dangerous hit to the creatures eyes. It was enough for it to get distracted and for the female grizzly to fatally bite its neck.

I turned to look at my male bear friend, who had the same shocked expression as I. However we weren´t the only ones, the dwarves seemed surprise too, probably because they haven´t seen them do something umm bear-like and most likely thought they were more of the domesticated- lazy pet type…kind of like me… oh god…

The female then turned to look at us with her now blood stained snout and eerily smiled.

_Maybe there was hope…_

"Growl Growl Growl?"

"Oh no, that's fine honey you can take down all the ones you want."-Tino said and I gave him an incredulous look. He was a grizzly too! How come he didn´t do that shit? He turned to meet my glare and shrugged.

"What? If you can´t do stuff the best way to help is not to get in the other´s way"

I was about to say something but Thorin interrupted us.

"Warg scouts! There must be an orc pack not far behind"-Thorin said, stressed clear on his face.

_Oh so that´s their name!_

"_Orc pack?"-Bilbo asked incredulously._

_You know I might actually make it out of this; yeah I have a grizzly and the company to protect me! Yeah in a few minutes we will be chilling at Rivendell! Just as long as we move quickly from here_

"Who did you tell about your quest?"-Gandalf, who was already with us, asked as he walked to Thorin.

_Just as long as we move quickly from here_

"No one"-Thorin answered calmly.

_Just as long as we move quickly from here…._

"Who did you tell?!"-Gandalf questioned, not buying his words.

_Can we please stop question Thorin´s loyalty and move out of here?!_

"No one, I swear!"- The Dwarf´s King raised his voice, offended of being accused of such thing. Thorin noticed the afflicted look on Gandalf.-"What on Durin´s name is going on?"

_You are being haunted!_

"You are being haunted"-Gandalf answered, making everybody to look at each other, worry about what was going to happen next.

_Great we are still here; you know what? Perhaps we should wait for them to come! Hell, I should just daub the mayonnaise on myself already!_

"We have to get out of here"-Dwalin said

"Great Idea!"- I praised, yearning to run for my life now.

"We can´t we have no ponies and Lulla´s bears can´t carry us all"-Ori pointed out, making Bilbo´s face practically said "fuck my life"

"Did the idea of us actually caring all of you really cross his mind?"-Tino commented half incredulously and half offended.

"I´ll drive them off!"-Radagast exclaimed determined, making everybody look at him.

_Great idea Radagast!_

"These are Gundabad wargs, they will outrun you"- The gray wizard protested

_Oh please don´t discourage him Gandalf! If he wants to be the hero, let him be!_

"These are Rhosgobel rabbits I like to see them try"-Radagast retorted confidently

_God bless this confident stoned gypsy with bird…crap on his face? Seriously what is that? Ah, who cares we are getting out of here!_

"Still, we won't be availed to sneak with those two following us"-Dwalin pointed at what I was hoping were Rebecca and Tino and not actually Tino and I.

_Wait what?_

And just to feed up more to my guilty complex, as soon as Dwalin pointed out the harsh reality, all hope was lost in the dwarves and Bilbo´s eyes, they turned to look at me. I could see Thorin´s distress face into thinking what to do. Alright, the peer pressure levels in here are getting too high. I looked at my bears and then at Radagast.

_Oh crap… he is right…Agh why? Why? We were so close to get out of here! Now what?! Is not like I will abandon my bears in here! Is not like I can risk the company with them following us! There is no way those things will not notice two brown lumps following a group of small men…not to mention the smell…Unless…NO NO What the hell am I thinking?! That is crazy it won't work! Well what then? If I don´t do It they get killed, I can´t live with that! And if we do we get kill! That is just a possibility. So is if we keep going with them. Stop being so selfish! Stop being so philanthropist! You know what I will do it! Oh no, no, no, NO ! Oh YEAH ! NO! YES it´s Time to woman-up and stop acting childish…I AM NOT A KITCHEN WOMAN, I AM WARRIOR, HELL I EVEN MANAGE TO SAVE KILI! I AM WELL QUALIFIED TO DO THIS! I WON´T LET THIS COMPANY DOWN AND THEREFORE…._

"I volunteer myself as tribute!"- I said raising my hand and making all the dwarves turned to look at me. Well if Katniss is going to be my mom, perhaps I should show off some family traits…

"Human we don´t have time for this…"-Thorin said clearly irked, I gave him a slight glared. Damn it Thorin don´t make me change my mind!

"No I am being serious, it won´t be necessary to carry us"-I said pointing at the grizzly pair and, at the same time I was trying to convince myself.

"What do you mean?"-Gandalf asked suspiciously, and he wasn´t the only one, Valentino was giving me one too.

"I will help Radagast drive them off"- Everybody turned to look at each other, disbelief and surprise on their faces.

_Is that hard to believe?_

"What?!"-Some exclaimed including Tino.

"Have you gone mad?!"-Said others.

"Please, human, don´t be foolish"-Thorin said skeptically.

"Lulla you can´t do that"- Said Bilbo

"No, Dwalin is right, it will be impossible to sneak with my friends following us"

"What is wrong with you kid!?"- Said my bear friend

_Alright I am starting to dislike this…_

"Lulla they are wargs"-Gandalf said seriously, as if that was going to discourage me or bring me in me into my senses. It was too late though.

"So?"- I asked.-"You saw what Becca did. They are grizzlies it's on their genes!"- I said more confidently.

_Or at least in one of them…_

"How are you going to come back, then?"- The always skeptical Thorin questioned-

_Should I feel flattered or offended by all their concerned?_

"I will find the way to catch up with you later" I shrugged. Really, the least I thought about it the least complicated it seems.

"I will go with you then"-Kili offered and I felt my face heat up a bit…Alright that was not expected….

_Keep a straight face, keep a straight face…_

And as much appealing as that offer sounded, it would be a really stupid move to take their archer away.

"No"- I said rapidly.-"No, don´t be foolish Kili, they will need of your archer abilities"

They seemed taken aback by my response. What? Did they really think I was going to leave them without archer? Was it really hard to believe I wanted to help?! You know what?! Never mind, I am still doing this.

"Alright, just be careful, human"-Thorin said, and I could tell he meant it. I nodded and after a couple of good lucks I turned to look at Tino who didn´t seemed very pleased by my decision, Becca in the other hand seemed unfazed. I smiled cheekily at them and pulled my hands up in the air.

"Alright who is ready to sing Stray with me huh?"-Valentino shook his head and did not answered, anger clearly on his eyes."- No? No one? Just me? Alright let´s get this done with!"

_In what kind of messed up mess did I got into? Again…._

**OOOOOOOOOOOO**

The howls of the beasts along with the commands of their owners could be heard closer. Valentino, Rebecca and I have already went on our way, which was the opposite to Radagast´s, leaving the Company enough time to move without getting caught.

We were now on the yellow prairie; I was riding Tino while the female grizzly ran beside us. You see I will explain the gimmick of my strategy; my plan is to drive the pack away with my bears, Valentino being my transportation and Rebecca being kind of my bodyguard. She will protect my right and IN CASE they DO reach us, I will protect my left side with my not so cool sword… Hey don´t give me that look she said it's okay, in fact she is enjoying it! Valentino in the other hands…

"Is this another of your stupid ideas, to look good in front of everybody?!"-

"Yes … and no"- I said, as my breath start to accelerate. –"We just have to keep away from them until the elves arrive and kill them all, as long as we keep save we will make it!

"And meanwhile you want my mate to risk her life and fight those things?"- Tino questioned, making me look at him.

"Oh come on!"- I complained, not wanting my morality to be question at the moment.-"Look at her!"-I pointed to the female who was running a few feet beside us, an excited look on her face, while she growled to the wargs behind us "She is having lots of fun!"

"That's because she is a wild bear she misses the hunting!"- He shouted

"So?"-I asked not seeing the problem

"This things aren´t what she normally hunts"- He retorted and turned abruptly to the right, making me almost fall in the process. I glared at him.

"Oh come on is not like we are going to fight them unless… HOLY SHIT! "- I screamed as soon as one of those things reached us from the left and tried to take a bite on my leg. Valentino kept running while growling at it, in order to intimidate. I raised my sword and for when the beast tried to attack again, but that was not necessary since the female grizzly jumped to action, and bit its neck.

_Damn she is good_

"Fucking wolves!"- I screamed in panic, quickly I motioned Rebecca to follow us, since she kept on biting the animal´s neck.

"Wargs"- Tino corrected me, still running for dear life.

"Whatever, where did it come from anyway?"- I questioned thinking, the pack behind us, was far enough for not to reach us yet. Then, as if they heard me or something, three more came into the view, not far in front of us. No orc was riding them but still they were equally threatening.

It didn´t took us long to realize that more wargs would be coming from that side, so we quickly changed direction and ran. The trio followed us, we kept running across the prairie, being careful into not running across the dwarves or more wargs.

We turned left beside one of the many giant rocks, but out of nowhere one of the wargs jumped in front of us. Valentino retreated, and the beast jumped to us, I was ready to give random swings with my sword, but the female grizzly jumped from behind and collide we the beast on the floor. The warg tried to attack her, but Becca give no fuck and fought against the beast.

"Rebecca!"-Tino exclaimed worriedly. Feeling his despair, I quickly dismounted him and allow him to go to aid his mate. But as soon as he tried to get near her and the warg, Rebecca growled.

**Obnoxious Omniscient POV Trasnlator:**

"No, Tino, llévate a la chica, yo me encargo de este"- Rebecca growled

"Pero mi amor!"-Valentino protested strangely in Spanish. Wait since when does he knows Spanish?

"Nada de peros, anda ve con ella, alrato los alcanzo, en cuanto me cargue a este jodido subnormal!"- She growled back while she did her best to avoid the warg´s bite. Soon more wargs start coming towards us and seeing no other option other than what Rebecca told him (whatever she said) Valentino sighed.

"Está bien, solo ten cuidado!"- Valentino said and motioned me to mount him. As soon as I was above him, he ran full speed.

"What happened?"- I asked looking behind, not being able to see the female grizzly, because of the rock blocking the view.

"She said to keep going, she will catch with us later"

"She will be alright TIno"- I said trying to comfort him.

"I know. Don´t worry about me, now tell me where those dwarves are"- He asked. I took a look to the field, wargs were coming from the left, so we turned right, in the other side of the field, I saw Radagast and the badass rabbits being chased by both wargs and orcs. And made me feel kind of lucky that wargs were the only thing I was worrying about right now. Suddenly, I manage catch between Radagast and us, a glimpse of the little men hiding behind a rock.

"I spotted them!"-I exclaimed.-"Oh no"

"What, what is going on?"-Tino asked still concentrate in running away.

"The warg… they are going to kill it…"- I said recognizing the scene where Kili shots the warg and then all kill the orc.

"Well isn´t that a good thing?"

"Yes but that means that…"- I was abruptly interrupted by the change of events. All the wargs realized the real prize was in the other side, and therefore start to run towards the company.

All members of the pack start to chase after them, even the wargs that were no longer interested on chasing Tino and I.

"They will chase them…"- I concluded.

"Well so now what?"-Valentino questioned, slowing a bit down.-"Do we go with the dwarves or what?"

"I don´t know, do you think we can reach them without crossing paths with the orcs or bringing more attention to them?"

"It´s worth to try"- Tino said

"Fine"- I said and quickly start riding towards the company.

We kept running, trying to avoid the orcs, and trying to take a direction that would meet up with the dwarves.

After a while we realized it was going to be impossible since the orcs started to encircle them. I kicked the air in desperation. Not only the met up without meting up with orcs directions were starting to decrease, but also we were starting to draw attention to us.

"Great, where do we go now?!"- I asked, anxiety starting to find its way on me, an orc already being send towards our direction.

Valentino looked in every direction he could, he was getting anxious too..

"I know!"- He exclaimed and quickly gave a turned on left, making his best effort to evade the rocks, and orcs.

"We just need to turn around that rock and then…"

But Tino couldn't finish his phrase because suddenly we vanished, like literally we disappeared! When we popped again we weren´t any more on our way to the dwarves, we were somehow teleported somewhere between the dwarves and the orcs chasing the company. But seeing how we were on open field, I was guessing the company wasn´t anymore the only orcs´s objective .

Quickly Valentino started running to the now closer dwarves.

"What the hell was that!?"- I screamed at the bear, in horror.-"What did you do? I thought you couldn´t teleport inside Middle Earth?!

"It wasn´t me I swear!"

"Then Who..Agh!"- We were teleported once more, just to appear several feet behind where we originally ran and with 2 wargs close to meet up with us.

"Game over!"- I heard a voice in my head, a voice I knew it could only belong to…

"Holy Shit!"

"You heard her too?!"- Valentino questioned his voice almost as terrified us mine.

"Yes, she is back!"- I screamed while we kept running towards the company.

"Kid, we don´t have much time left. I know what she is planning to do; I must get you to the dwarves!"- He vaguely explained, much to my horror.

I tried to question him, but he answered none of my question. Soon we were closer to the dwarves; I could see them already stopping in front of the rock that took them to Rivendell.

"Here"- He said and threw me a metal object; I quickly catch it, much to my own surprise. It was the watch it would supposedly take us home.-"Take good care of it!"

"What? What is she going to do?!"-I questioned frenetically, not having idea what was going on and then soon the bear below me disappeared, leaving me in the middle of the field, with no transportation and the orcs behind me. "Tino?! Valentino?!"

There was no answer, but I wasn´t stupid to wait until the orcs reach me to realize he wasn´t going to come back. So quickly and without thinking I put the watch on my pocket and hope the weeks on the gym worth of something as I start to run for dear life towards the dwarves.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Obnoxious POV**

"Guys!"- A female was heard near the now surrounded company.

"Lulla?"- Bilbo questioned.

Thorin looked around and yes among the orcs slowly getting closer there was a particular human drawing the attention.

"Guys!"- She was running towards them, a warg close behind her, and by close it meant a few feet away from biting her head.

"She is back?"-Oin asked.

"Guys!"- She continued

"Yes she is"-Thorin said, not sure if the human even realized of the presence behind her. He sighed and motioned his skilled archer nephew to hit. Kili nod and prepared to shot

"Kili!"- She waved her hands to him, since he was the closest among the dwarves and saw him pointing his bow and arrow in her direction preparing to shot. And between her fear blocking her reasoning (whatever portion left) and the arrow being shot, for a moment she thought the shot was aimed to her.

But of course it wasn´t and it shot the warg instead, who fell close to her. She looked behind her shoulder at the lifeless body and smiled excitedly.

"Thanks!"- She exclaimed as soon as she reached Kili. He gave her a slight smile and proceeded to keep shooting.

"You made it…"- Thorin commented, although the human didn´t knew if it was a good thing or a bad thing to him, but she simply nodded.

"Good"- He said and continued to watch over his company´s safety

Lulla find her way close to Bilbo, and the squirrel that had been following the hobbit all the way quickly found its way to her original owner. Lulla smiled at the creature and kept a close eye in the upcoming pack.

"What happened to your bears?"- asked Bilbo not taking his eyes from the orcs, and she knew he was trying his best to keep calm.

"I lost track of them"- She simply answered not knowing other explanation.-"Hey! Where is Gandalf?"

"He aban-"-Dwalin said before being cut off by…

"This way you fools!"- Gandalf said from behind the rock, much to everyone´s surprise, well not everyone, Lulla already knew his ways.

"Come on! Move!"-Thorin demanded and approached the passage. Everybody quickly followed

"Quickly all of you!"- The King exclaimed.

Everyone start to slide down the hideout, Bilbo slide and Lulla was next. She quickly ran towards the rock. But then something passed by her legs in the opposite direction, it was her squirrel, and was holding something in its mouth. Not wanting to believe her luck had gotten that sucky she instinctively got her hand inside her pocket.

Nothing was in there.

She cursed under her breath and look at the squirrel running towards the vicious haunting pack, then to the rock. She debate whether if it was a good idea to follow or not. She was motionless, petrified she couldn´t move, she was terrified.

It took Thorin to shake the human´s shoulder to make her realize he was talking to her.

"Human, what are you doing?! Move!"

The young girl stared blankly at him.

"Human!"- He shouted and seeing how she was not going to responded anytime soon, he started to drag her to the hideout. It was then when something snapped on her. Something strange. She quickly pulled her arm away from his hold.

"Human jus-"

"I got something to do…"- She said absently a really distress look on her face.-"Don´t wait for me, I´ll find my way back"

"What?"- Thorin asked for once really concerned into what her mental state was. But there was no answer because she quickly ran off into the wolves´ mouth.

She ran passed Kili, and made no turn back. Kili concerned of what direction she was taking, called her name. But she didn´t responded, Kili tried to ran after her, but his uncle stop him.

"Kili!"

"But Lulla…"

"Leave her, she will find her way back"- He commanded coldly, worried about his nephew safety.

Kili looked hesitantly at him and then at the out coming orcs. He sighed and went inside the rock. Fili followed and then it was Thorin´s turn. He gave one more look to the field, before sliding in, hoping that for once, the human´s nonsense was true, and she would truly find her way back.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Normal POV**

I ran through the orcs and wargs stampede, avoiding the best I could the upcoming orcs. I was thinking nothing, my mind went completely blank, and my only objective was the fucking elusive rodent that kept running between the animals´ and orcs´ legs. I don´t know what was going on my mind in those moments all I knew, is that it was a fucking mess.

Several orcs threw swings at me as I passed by them, too busy by their real objective to stop and kill me, too proud to not swing their weapon on me as I pass by them. It was then when the rodent finally stopped, beside a rock.

I almost threw myself towards the rodent. I grabbed him, he being strangely submissive to my hold. I grabbed the watch. And then the squirrel was vanished from my hands, I head his small squeak behind me, so I turned around and met his small figure. I stared at its expressionless little black eyes, and for a moment I swear it winked at me, before disappearing before my eyes.

I was completely speechless, my mind was blank, but suddenly the growl behind me told me to turned around, an ugly orc in his warg, aimed a swing with his ax at me, I barely skipped it. Then another came, and then another.

I was completely frightened, I had no idea what I had to do, how to react. I wanted to cry, there was no way I was escaping this. I was trembling, I couldn´t move, and then the disfigured orc laugh. And it was when his warg growled at me and aimed to bit my face that something in my mind broke.

All I heard next it was the beast´s yowls. I had stabbed its eye. Out of nowhere my less cool sword had become useful. I had no idea what I was doing I swear I was just swinging my sword at everything that was moving.

You know that sensation when when you have play Mario and Third person games all your life and suddenly one day your gamer friend decides it would be a great idea to make you play Call of Duty Black ops Zombies, and you have no idea what to do, because you aren´t used to play on first person, and the shitty zombies keep coming and you have no idea about what to do, except shooting, and you panic because they keep coming, and you just began to shoot anything that moves, moving the controller in all angles? Well it was kind of the same in here.

Except that instead of disfigured nasty nazi zombies, they were disfigured nasty orcs, they were real, and there was no pause in here. And my life depended in whether I did something or not.

I was rolling, ducking, evading, snailing, planking, and swinging my sword randomly as much as I could. For the most it worked, I either blocked an attack or injure them enough to make them angrier and make them want to kill me even more.

At first it was just one orc and its pet, then I killed his pet then I drew the attention of another orc, and then from another dog, so basically it was three against one.

I wasn´t thinking I had succumbed completely to any survival instinct I had left. All while thinking "Die motherfucker" and " I want to go home". I had nothing, I was completely alone, there weren´t going to be dwarves so save me, there wasn´t going to be any witty argues to get me away from this, there wasn´t even an aggressive bear or a sarcastic haughty bear to rescue me from this. I had nothing, I was alone. It was by all matters my end. But still I had to try because trying was all I have left.

"Damn it Jacob just put on your shirt!"- I exclaimed and manage to stab the warg, leaving me a small opening to run.

And there I was trying to make my way along the orcs, but between the riots of people and the swings, I couldn´t evade a swing aimed to my stomach. It was hard, probably a hammer, but it wasn´t as hard as the stone with which my head collide and not as painful as the object that pierce my arm…

The buzz in my head made my ears ignored every sound; my eyes star seeing lots of blur figures and lots of black spots. It was too confusing to pay attention, too aching to care and to faint to remember. My brain gave up and I close my eyes, giving into slumber and probably a permanent one

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I woke up to some voices speaking to me…

_Damn it, you couldn´t just allow me to have a dramatic dead…couldn´t ya?_

"asjkdjaksjkafj?"

_What?_

"aksjfkalfjsakjf?"

_The fuck?_

I started to open my eyes, just to be rapidly received by a horrendous headache, a horrendous stomached and sting sensation on my arm. Oh, and the horrible light of the sun.

Damn today was not my day.

The blurred figures speak again to me with their strange words.

"What?"- I manage to say, my voice raspy and sore. One spoke to the other in again, a language I could definitely not get and it was only making my head pounce more. Then another figure came into view while the other two stepped aside.

"Miss, can you hear me?"- The new figure asked; now clear to my eyes….

_Oh yeah, huh, I almost forgot about these guys…._

"Miss?"- The dark hair elf asked again, probably to make sure there was still intelligence left on me.

"Oh good afternoon Lord Elrond"- I casually said, not because I wanted to sound cool, but because it was the first thing it came into my mind to say.

"You know me?"- He seemed surprise.

Everybody knows you. What happened?".- I tried to sit up but a horrible pain went through my left arm. I hissed and one of the guys pulled me down.

"Don´t move"- He said.- "Your arm has been severally injured"

"What do you mean? I don´t remember being stab on my arm AND HOLY COW!"- I exclaimed as soon as I saw the bloody mess of arm I was left with, My sword was literally stabbed all the way through my bicep until it touched the sword´s tang.-"What? How could I end up stabbing my arm with my own sword?"- I said and start to wriggle my shoulder only to end up screaming like a banshee and earning a few tears from my eyes. God it hurt like hell.

"Don´t move or you will end up cutting it off"- Lord Elrond said sternly.

"Cut off?! YOU MEAN IT CAN END UP CUTTING OFF!"-I was now officially scared. I didn´t want my arm cut off, I loved my arm, in fact it was one of my favorite arms.

"If you keep moving it will"- He said seriously and I immediately I stopped moving.-"Take her she needs medical attention"- He commanded

Two guys with helmet lifted me up. One of them picked me in his arms, being careful into not move neither the sword nor my arm. However I was still under the hysteria so I start to wriggle, trying to get away. trying to make sense into how I almost got kill, how I thought I died, how I manage to yet get away from this and HOLY SHIT I HAD NEAR DEAD EXPERIENCE!

"BUT IT CAN REALLY COME OFF?! AND AND IT WILL CURE RIGHT? YOU WON´T CUT IT RIGHT?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU WON´T CUT IT! I WANT TO KEEP IT! ALDJADJADSJAÑJDA"

"Lord Elrond she won´t calm down"- The elf carrying me said. I looked at Lord Elrond, he looked at me and said something in elvish, I definitely didn´t understand. My carrier elf nod and I look at him, panic starting to find its way once more through me.

_And if they abandon me in here?!_

"What? What did he said? Answer, answer please what did he AH!"- I yelped and turned to look at the other elf that was now holding a dart against my right arm.

"What? What did…you injected…on me?"- I said my head starting to feel ditzy again.

"Just something to relax you"- He said with devious smile in his covered face.

"You will be alright, young…."- Lord Elrond paused since he still didn´t knew my name

"Lulla…my name is…Lulla"- I said

"You will be alright Lulla"- He gave me smile and I couldn´t help but smile at his kindness. I think I could trust him.

"Thank..you…Lord Elrond"

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**Obnoxious POV**

"Mithrandir"- A brown hair elf greeted while walking down the stairs

"Ah Lindir"- Gandalf greet and stepped closer.-

"We heard you crossed the valley"

"I must speak with Lord Elrond"

"My Lord Elrond is not here"

"Not here… Where is he?"

And as if Gandalf had summoned him or something, a horn was heard follow by several horses´ galloping into the area, their owners with them.

Thinking it was some sort of attack, Thorin ordered to closed lines and prepare, and just for tease or whatever, the elves passed by them in threatening circles. Then Lord Elrond made his way.

"Lord Elrond"- Gandalf greeted

"My friend"- The elf greeted back

"Where have you been?"

"We have been hunting a pack of Orcs that came up from the south"- Lord Elrond said -"We slew a number near the Hidden Pass"

The Dwarves stare at him.

"We even found, an injured human girl"- The Elf added.

This perked up the company´s attention.

"Lulla? Did they found Lulla?"- Asked Bilbo

Noticing their interest, a few guards stepped out to allow them to see their human acquaintance,

"Lulla!"-Kili greeted, happy that she was alright, well for the most, her arm looked pretty bad… and how did she ended up stabbed by her own sword.

"Hey you see? I told you I was going to find my way back"- She said on an almost sleepy matter, even more doped by the substance now.

Despite everything Thorin couldn´t help but smile at the fact that the strange human had survive…somehow…

"Is she going to be alright?"- Gandalf questioned.

"Well her arm has some serious damage but I she might be okay, although I am not sure of her head, she said she would like to speak with a bear or something…"- Elrond said glancing a bit worried at the girl´s direction

"Oh that´s normal"- Gandalf assured

"You guys should really put hand rails on your bridges, someone could fall"- She said out loud not being able to control her words. The substance injected on her was doing a great job. They turned to look at her for a moment, but eventually ignored her blabbing.

"Ah, very well then"- Lord Elrond then ordered to take the young human to treat her arm.

Lulla was more sleep than conscious, the guard taking her was blocking block her view, but she manage to catch up Elrond and Thorin talk…

_Thorin better control his racism, I don´t want him to offended Lord Elrond and make him change his mind of helping me_

Her body start to give in be the substances effects, the headache and well just everything really. All then became blurry and black

_You know most of what I said this morning to Bilbo, was pretty stupid_

And she was finally out. Like the plague no matter what they did to her, she wasn´t going to be easily get rid of…

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**A/N: And there goes Chapter 14. I hope you liked it, chapter 15 is on its way! Have a nice week! See you soon :D**

**PS. Oh Rebecca about Lulla´s fake parents, yes I meant her dad to be Peeta, but I made her change his original second name for her fake one, to make her lie more believable**


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